


Dark Paradise | Kylo Ren | Ben Solo | X Reader

by X_driverswife_x



Category: Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo is a Mess, Bloodplay, Butt Slapping, Choking, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Play, Dominance, Dominant Kylo Ren, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Face Slapping, Finalizer (Star Wars), Fluff and Angst, Force Choking (Star Wars), Hair-pulling, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Protective Kylo Ren, Reader-Insert, Redeemed Ben Solo, Sexual Assault, Smut, Top Kylo Ren, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:13:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 70,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24441898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/X_driverswife_x/pseuds/X_driverswife_x
Summary: You've recently become a nurse serving the first order. So far your life was uneventful and unimportant...you felt useless in a sense. Everything changes once your new patient happens to also be your first commander.Will he remain loyal to the dark forces?Or will you be the one that pulls him towards the light?
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	1. Tend To

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this says it’s an X reader fic, which it is, but some chapters may be from both Y/N & Kylo’s POV

The scene around you was chaotic. Fear lingered throughout the air. The war between the First Order and the Resistance had been transpiring for years. You'd gotten word that some of the top officials left the finalizer to help put an end to this feud. But all you really knew was that multiple star destroyers had been under attack, causing the retreat of wounded stormtroopers. 

You were only a few months into training. Your nursing skills weren't exactly top tier. You've never experienced anything this stressful before. Only assigned to care for one patient so far wasn't bad but...they just kept flooding in. You rushed to aid storm trooper LN-456. With a collapsed lung you had very little hope that he'd pull through. One of your best friends Lydia had joined you in the Medbay. 

"Finally another nurse" you said with relief. 

"This is crazy, what even happened out there?" She let out a hard breath. 

"I'm not sure, talk later."  
You needed to get to work. 

Another nurse, Emerson, had raced over to the patient you were caring for, this was the most critical case and she saw you needing some assistance. You were struggling to keep it together, accidentally knocking items off the counter with your elbow, trying to find a ventilator. 

"Emerson can you take over for a minute please?" You pleaded with desperation. 

"Yeah of course I got this" She seemed certain. 

"Thank you." 

"Psst Lydia come here" you whispered. 

"What's wrong?" 

"He's not going to make it, LN-456, he- he isn't gonna make it" you breathed heavily.

"I know, I'll have Emerson take care of it, it'll be ok...cmon they need our help." Lydia's words were reassuring. 

She knew how nervous you were and had delt with stuff like this all the time. You were so lucky to have her here. You both raced down the hall seeing where your help was needed, she found a new patient that needed to be treated and you guys parted ways. 

"I'll see you later you got this, holler if you need me and be safe." She gave you a pat on the shoulder.

"Thanks, you too."

You continued walking when a sudden parade of people came running up behind you, reeling a gurney. You whipped your head around so fast your neck ached from whiplash. They were top officials from the first order. Their faces were overcome with desperation and terror. 

"NURSE, WE NEED A NURSE NOW!"  
The expression on Hux's face was like nothing you've ever seen before. Sheer panic. He was white as a ghost.

"Me, here I'm- I'm a nurse." 

"You need to save him, do whatever you have to." He spat at you with frustration. 

"I- I'll try my best sir. I need some room please!" Your heart rate increased at the thought...this patient's life was in your hands. 

As the crowd parted you had yet to recognize who it was that you were hustling to reel into the nearest room. Hux's word's echoed in your thoughts, you took a deep breath and composed yourself, this patient seemed very important. 

As you settled the gurney down in a nearby room you finally took a quick glance at the patient's face. You froze, still as ever you were in complete shock. This was Kylo Ren, First Commander...Kylo Ren. You'd rarely seen him, but never without his mask on before. You came to your senses and realized there was no time to be star struck. You had a job to do. 

He seemed to be falling in and out of consciousness. You reached for a pulse and were relieved it wasn't abnormal. Eyes scanning his body to examine the injuries, the only two seemed to be on his cheek and lower abdomen. From the looks of it he'd been grazed by a blaster. Nothing too serious, he would be okay. You needed to make sure he was stable enough for you to treat his wound. You reeled over the IV stand and pricked the engorged vain in his arm. He didn't seem to flinched at all. 

You grabbed the supplies and suture kit needed to stitch up his lacerations. As you shifted closer to get a better look, his eyes shot open. His eyes, hazel...pupils black and dilated. They were glistening under the medbay light. 

"Where the hell am I, w- what happened." he sat up quickly from the gurney, stuttering with frustration.

"C- Commander you're in the medbay you've been injured...you need to lay back down sir." Your voice shook. 

"I'm fine, I have to get back" he was more than eager to leave.

"Sir I'm sorry you can't leave yet, Hux gave me direct orders to keep you here." 

"Fix me up then I'm gone. I'll deal with Hux later." His tone was angry and demanding. 

"O- ok." You nodded.

You needed to obey Kylo's command, you were petrified of him...so was everyone else. As you started to treat his wound a small wince left his lips. He was embarrassed of his own discomfort. 

"S- Sorry sir."

"Mmhm." He mumbled. Kylo seemed annoyed, this was an inconvenience for him. He was the first commander he definitely didn't have time to be getting injured. 

Thankfully the IV seemed to be bringing color back to his face, he appeared fully aware of his senses and surroundings now. Hux may have been overreacting to the severity of Kylo's wounds. You figured the General would be penalized for any major or fatal injuries of the first commander. That's why he made such a scene back there. Classic General Hux. 

You scanned his face as you cleaned the cut and were immediately captivated by his cheekbones. So high and pronounced...his face was chiseled like an ancient Greek statue. Your eyes shifted to his hair, until now you hadn't noticed...black like a stallion with waves that framed his face perfectly. Your eyes traveled back to his wound when you noticed him staring back. Your eyes locked with each others and shivers crept up your spine. You were almost hypnotized caught in his gaze. 

Your nerves made your stomach contort and you broke eye contact. Your eyes fluttered as you tried to pull yourself together. You just needed to stitch him up then he'd be on his way. You had a job to do. 

The slash across his face seemed it would heal on its own but he would need stitches elsewhere. You leaned to lift the black cloak covering his stomach. 

"May I?" You gestured towards his abdomen. 

Kylo didn't bother to speak, only nodding his head. You gathered the blood soaked fabric and lifted it, revealing his toned core. 

Keep. it. together, you thought. 

You proceeded to clean his wound. The skin was tender as you pinched the two folds together, this time he wasn't fazed by the pain. You finally finished stitching him up and let out a hard breath you didn't know you were holding. Wiping away the sweat beads that had collected near your hairline, you carried on. 

"Okay, all set. You may wanna be careful to not rip those stitches, you took a pretty good couple of hits. Take it easy for the next few days commander." your voice was anything but steady. 

He gave you a look of approval. Not bothering to thank you.

"There's no need to be so nervous...nur- his hand found its way up to the name tag pinned over your left breast. "Nurse Y/N." 

Silence. 

"I- I um you stuttered." You were frozen like a deer in headlights. 

You felt like such a fool, unable to even form a simple sentence. Kylo smirked and proceeded to get up slowly. Before you could say anything else he disappeared out the door clutching his side. His cape swept across the floor behind him. Boots loud, they smacked the white tile floor in the distance. 

You shouldn't have let him leave so early, but he seemed to be okay. Right? 

You reassured yourself that he would be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE y'all are enjoying so far tysm for reading 🥺🥰 XOXO


	2. My Orders

You trotted over a few rooms down. Lydia was still treating another storm trooper. She caught you in the doorway as she finished wrapping up her patients ankle. 

"Whew, hey. I think the chaos is finally dying do-"

"Lydia." You stammered, cutting her sentence short. "Sorry I need to tell you, my patient just now. It was Kylo, Kylo Ren."

"Y-you saw him?" She blinked hard in disbelief. 

"Yes, he's um...well um he's gorgeous." You looked down and let out a slight laugh. 

"Oh my stars is he stable now?" 

"He left actually, he was stable...enough." You sounded uncertain. 

"Well you're lucky aren't you, treating the commander of the first order." She giggled, teasing you. 

You rolled your eyes and laughed. 

"Honestly that's crazy, I need to hear more if you run into him anytime soon, seriously." 

"Yeah yeah, of course...I kinda hope I see him again actually." You blushed.

"I hope so too." She smiled in support. 

"It's been a long day I'm gonna head back to my room, try and get some sleep." You said. 

"Good idea, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Nice work today." 

"You too, Goodnight Lydia." 

"Night."

While heading back to your room a smirk seemed to form across your face as Kylo's eyes clouded your memory. Were you already thinking about him...?

You finally arrived and began undressing, changing into your plain white pajama set. The first order forbid luxury items. That included any type of clothing that made one feel the slightest bit unique. Everything had to be the same...meaning everyone who wasn't of high ranking had to be the exact same. 

You washed up and sighed plopping down on your bed. You began reminiscing on your interaction with Kylo. You didn't know why you were so hung up on him. The thoughts were loud and hard to ignore, but you needed rest you were completely wiped out. You got into your covers and laid down, head resting on your pillow. It must've taken about an hour or so for you to fall asleep but eventually you drifted off. 

Before you knew it, it was morning and Lydia had just barged in to wake you up. 

"Morning!, cmon lets hit the cafe before shift starts ." 

"Morning" you sounded groggy and a bit annoyed. You were definitely not a morning person. 

You had gotten ready rather quickly. While flinging you're stethoscope over your neck, you grabbed your data pad and made your way down to the cafe. Both you and Lydia scarfed down some breakfast and grabbed lunch to go for later, then you were on your way to work. You parted ways with her considering you had somewhat different jobs in the nursing department, aside from treating patients. You did most of the cleaning and restocking. Being fairly new here, you didn't have the experience that she did. Lydia had been here for the past three years, she did the all charts and cared for patients full-time. 

About an hour or two into work, after unpacking and organizing the new orders of meds, you worked up quite an appetite. 

You didn't have many friends except Lydia, Emerson and a few others. They were all very busy though so you decided to eat lunch for the second time this week in the storage room. Flipping over an old crate, you sat yourself down on it. While unwrapping your sandwich you heard an angry voice calling your name outside. 

"You." 

"Yes?" You were terrified, Hux appeared as if he wanted you six feet under. 

"My Office now." 

"O- Ok sir." You stuttered. 

Although you were scared and confused, you were also annoyed. You honestly just wanted to eat, you tried your hardest not to roll your eyes at him. Side by side, you and Hux walked swiftly throughout the hall. Once you entered his office your eyes widened as you saw Kylo sitting at the end of the conference table. His black mask with minuscule red cracks in it sat perfectly on his head. He looked so professional, so...dominant. Black leather gloves engulfed his abnormally large hands that were propped up on the table. 

"Sit." Hux demanded. 

You sat across from Kylo at the other end of the table, Hux sitting between you both. 

"So you went against my orders and discharged this patient I see?" He gestured to Kylo. 

Oh kriff. 

"Sir, he was stable enough to be released. I treated his wounds and sent him on his wa-" 

Kylo interrupted, removing his mask and setting it on the table. 

"We aren't doing this today General. I don't have the patience to deal with you. I gave her orders to let me leave. She followed my orders, and as far as I'm concerned, my authority is superior to yours in every way possible." Kylo didn't seem to have time for Hux's nonsense. 

"You've got to be kidding me. You're berating me for being concerned about your health and safety." He scoffed. 

Kylo leaned into Hux's face and squinted, sizing him up like a middle school bully. 

"We both know you could care less about what happens to me. You just want to keep your rank as General, you're petrified to be anyone or anything else. Pathetic. This meeting is dismissed." 

Hux let out a sigh and went to open his mouth, but instead ate his words while nodding his head. You could cut the tension between them with a knife. It made you more than uncomfortable to be the root of this problem. 

Kylo grabbed his mask and rose from his chair. His tall figure towered over you and you looked up at him with eager wide eyes. 

"My orders over Hux's any day." 

"Yes Commander." You nodded. You felt as if a brick were sitting on your chest as the words rolled off your tongue. 

"Good." He let his gaze linger a second longer, staring directly in your eyes. 

Your breath shuddered and your palms began to sweat. Kylo moved past you, cape slightly brushing across your arm and made his way out of the room.


	3. The Letter

A few days had passed since your meeting with Kylo and Hux. You still couldn't shake him from your thoughts. You had gotten off work early today and were supposed to meet Lydia and Emerson for dinner in a little while. 

You were still in your nursing scrubs which were more than uncomfortable, so you decided to change. Shimmying your way out, you threw them in your dirty laundry basket. You didn't have many clothing options unfortunately so you settled for some black leggings and a hoodie. Looking at your reflection in the mirror you saw your hair needed fixing. Yikes. After putting it into two braids you were satisfied with your appearance. You slipped on your shoes and made your way down to the cafe. 

During your walk down you had passed Hux who shot you a dirty look...to which you shot one right back. You really didn't care for him. 

Emerson and Lydia were sitting at one of the back tables of the cafe as they flagged you down. You let them know you'd be right over after you grabbed dinner. The food was...well it wasn't the slightest bit tasty. But you obviously had to eat so you settled for whatever stew or slop was being served.

Carrying your tray over to their table you greeted them. The three of you carried on random conversations, giggling through bites of food. They were the ones who made life bare able. You were lucky to have them. Kylo had come up in the conversation a few times and you filled them in on the whole Hux/Kylo meeting feud type situation. You didn't even know what to call it. 

However you didn't share how you felt about Kylo, and to be honest you weren't even sure how you felt. You'd only talked to him twice and were already starting to ruminate on those interactions. You were kind of embarrassed, that made you seem so desperate you thought. It's so soon you can't possibly be that attracted to him. You decided to keep your thoughts to yourself for now. 

After dinner they mentioned hanging out in Emerson's room, it was Friday and that was basically routine by now. Go to Emerson's and just hang out. Talk about the newest cute stormtroopers, make theories about the war with the resistance and have little chats about nonsense. 

You agreed and the night carried on. The three of you spent hours of fun together before Lydia and you decided to head back to your rooms. You said your goodbyes and were on your way. 

When entering your room you heard a crinkle from underneath your shoe. Curiously you lifted your foot to see a small piece of paper with y/n written in red ink. You unfolded it, the handwriting printed was such beautiful cursive you had no idea who this could be from, you started reading: 

"I believe my wound needs some medical attention nurse y/n. My quarters, 0700 tomorrow night."   
\- Ren 

There was an arrow on the bottom and you turned the letter over to find a map. It was directions to his quarters and a code to give the guards outside his room.

It took you a second to process what you had just read. You clutched the paper to your chest and fell back right onto your bed. The springs gave off squeak and you sat back up. You smiled ear to ear and genuine happiness flooded your heart. You couldn't remember the last time you'd felt like this. 

It seemed that joy was all you could feel at this moment...until your nerves set in. Why would he want to meet in his quarters? You couldn't meet him there you- you were too nervous. No this can't happen. But...you wanted to see him. UGH. You were so utterly frustrated you gripped your head and let out a heavy and loud sigh. What were you gonna do? 

After a few minutes of heavy thinking, you decided you'd ask Lydia and Emerson for advice tomorrow. They'd know exactly what to do. You got ready for bed, letter placed on your night table and fell into a deep sleep. 

The next morning flew by and soon you had a quick afternoon break from work. You spotted Lydia and Emerson strutting down the hall of the medbay. You'd seen them earlier this morning but that was hours ago. You had to get this over with and ask them. As much as you wanted to keep this private...you needed their help. 

You all greeted one another. 

"Sooo I need help. I don't know what to do and I'm the worst at making decisions I-...um well, just read this." You could hear the nervous tone to your voice. 

Grabbing the letter from your pocket you opened it. Lydia and Emerson read at a similar pace, with the exact same excited expression they looked up at you. 

"Are you kidding me y/n you have to go." Lydia said. 

"She's right, c'mon there's no debate here." Emerson nodded. 

"But Im- Im so nervous guys I really don't think I can." You looked down In slight shame. 

Lydia picked your head up by your chin, "Ohh you'll be fine!"

"You have us." Emerson rubbed your shoulder. 

"What am I supposed to do, I- I'm gonna make a complete idiot of myself. I really am." 

In unison they both shook their heads   
"No." 

"Are you sure I should do this. I don't know..." you were so indecisive.

"You're doing it, you'll be happy afterwards and you know it." Lydia tried to ease your nerves. 

"I haven't told you, but I've been, I've been thinking about him a lot and I'm really not sure why."

"Y/n that's even more of a reason to go then! You'll enjoy yourself and you know it. Don't get hung up on situations like this, who knows when you'll get an opportunity like this again?" Emerson seemed excited. 

"Are you sure?" You were uncertain.

"Yes." Lydia and Emerson both nodded. 

"Oh my stars...o- ok. Fine." You laughed and shook your head. 

Both the girls squealed quietly and reassured you that this was the right choice. Although you were still hesitant, you thought you'd give it a shot. 

You carried on with your day which seemed abnormally short. When you checked your data pad it was already 0600, you let out a sharp breath, you have time. You figured might as well try to look good if you were seeing the commander. 

You changed your pants and threw on a black low cut t-shirt. That's the best you could do. Screw the first order and their dress code ugh, you wish you had something better to wear. Oh well. You styled your hair by only brushing it, that'll have to do. Then threw on some eyeliner, mascara and lipgloss which took longer than expected. You rarely wore makeup but tonight was different. You felt good about yourself which was somewhat rare. After spritzing yourself with a bit of floral perfume, and grabbing your nursing bag it was already time to go.


	4. That Night

You trotted down the hallway, glaring out the glass windows that stood on each side. You thought about what'd you say, what'd you do. But all of that made your nerves escalate. You knew what was at the end of that hallway and it formed a giant lump in your throat. Your knees shook as you fixated on the metal doors in the distance. Two men you assumed were the Knights of Ren guarded it like it was their newborn child. 

"H- hi" you said. Your voice was soft and high pitched. 

"I'm here to see the Commander..." 

"And what may this regard? We were not informed of any visitors." He came off extremely snarky. 

"The commander he- he wanted to see me regarding my work. I'm nurse y/n." You showed the guards the code on the back of your letter. 

"Yeah, uh unfortunately we will not be able to grant you access to his quarters. We were not given orders to let anybody pass through these do-" 

His sentence was cut short as the metal door swung open. It was Kylo. 

"Let her through." 

They shifted to the side, letting you through the doorway Kylo was standing in. You both began walking down a long hallway that looked as if it lead straight to hell. It was dark and sinister like. You had to compose yourself there was no turning back now. 

You entered and he shut the door behind you. Everything appeared to be strictly black and red. His bed was massive with a black headboard, mattress lined with jet black and ruby red silk sheets. You waited for him to speak, but he never did. Guess it was time for you to put your big girl pants on. 

"Um I like your room..." it sounded more like a question rather than a statement. 

"Good to hear." His voice was expressionless but the corners of his mouth created a slight U shape.

"Your wound? How, how is it?" You were eager to aid him. 

"Stitches ripped, they need fixing...sit." He gestured over to the bed and proceeded to plop down on the edge.

You followed his lead and grabbed the supplies from your nursing satchel. Stars, who would've thought you'd ever be sitting on your commanders bed...

"I need to get a good look at them can you um, lay down and...lift your shirt for me sir?" You unintentionally you came off anxious. 

Kylo's head hit the mattress softly as he laid on his back, feet still touching the ground. He lifted up his shirt the tiniest bit, just enough for you to gain access to his wound. You hovered over him tucking a stray hair behind your ear, and began examining his stitches. 

You shifted your vision to the very far corner of your eye and saw his gaze lingering down the small peak of your cotton t-shirt. Hunched over, it was draping down from your chest. The first order forbid most tight clothing and these certainly weren't your scrubs. You'd forgotten about that. As much as you didn't want to...you tried your best to ignore the situation and focus on your objective instead. 

"Y- yeah they've been disrupted, have you been doing any vigorous activity recently?" 

"What do you think? I'm fighting almost everyday, I have no time to be bedridden." Kylo chuckled. 

"Oh." You looked down. Well that was a dumb question.

"Can you fix them?" He sounded impatient. 

"Yes, yeah." You nodded hard. 

You started removing the old stitches, they wouldn't hold for much longer considering 5 had ripped. As the needle penetrated his skin, looping in and out for a while, you were almost finished. Your hair draped back down from behind your ear, this time blocking your sight. 

"Ugh." You shook your head in attempt to clear your vision, your hands were obviously preoccupied at the moment. 

Kylo sat up slightly, aware of the wound he tried not to disrupt your work. His leather glove crept its way up to your face, slightly brushing against your cheek, he tucked the stray hair behind your ear. You gazed up at him and both your eyes were saturated with lust. You could feel the tension growing like tree roots in your chest and it was almost unbearable. You swallowed hard while the two of you were caught in a trance, pupils burning holes in one another's. You almost didn't want to blink as if it'd ruin the moment. But he suddenly broke the contact and laid back down. Your brows furrowed. Did you, did you do something wrong? Kriff. 

You continued suturing, making sure to clean the wound again afterwards. Placing a bandage over the area and grasping the fabric of his shirt, you lifted it back down over his abdomen. 

"You're all set commander." You gave him a smile. 

Kylo said nothing and rose from the mattress. You began gathering your medical belongings when you suddenly felt his silhouette standing over you. Just about ready to pick up your bag and head out, you turned around and he was standing directly in your path. Still as a statue, like a boulder blocking a roadway. Your joints froze and you were unable to form a thought, let alone a sentence. You were captivated by his stare once again. This time Kylo was fixated on your lips. Your face turned rose petal red and you felt the searing heat pumping throughout your veins. His hand traveled to rest upon your hip bone and he leaned into you, mouth pressed against your ear, 

"I've never had a nurse this pretty before...lucky aren't I?" His tone was low and seductive. 

His breath was hot upon your skin and he rubbed the leather surrounding his digits up and down your figure. While he traced the curvature in your side, the slightest moan slithered through your teeth and out your mouth. Your bodies being pressed against one another made all of your other surroundings appear simulated.


	5. Interrupted

He backed away from you, dropping his hand back down to his side. You were stunned you had no idea what had just happened or what to do next. Your lungs were submerged in nerves and it felt as if u were drowning. You grabbed your satchel and darted out the door, not looking back. You busted through the metal doors almost colliding with one of his Knights. You took short breaths in through your nose, exhaling through a tiny O you made with your mouth. 

Did you really just walked out on Kylo Ren...what were you thinking? Regret was the only thing bouncing of the walls in your brain. You continued on to your room, head hung low. Lydia and Emerson would be so disappointed in you. You were disappointed yourself. 

As soon as you entered your room you tossed your belongings on the ground and fell back onto your bed. Clutching your face and kicking your feet. You were furious with yourself. 

Then you thought, maybe you could fix it? Maybe he'd still be awake? No. Don't make yourself look any worse. You were staying in for the night. 

As you were about to head into the bathroom for a shower, there was a loud knock at your door. You opened it to see none other than Kylo standing directly in front of you. His hands clasped behind his back and his chest was pumped out with confidence. You were in utter shock. Why had he come to see you? 

Before you could speak Kylo did. 

"You left this." He revealed package of gauze that must've fallen out of your bag. 

"Gauze? That's it?" You were so surprised he had come all this way, you didn't mean to come off rude but somehow you did. 

"We have so much in the med bay you didn't have to-"

"I wanted to." He handed you the package and slithered past you in the doorway. 

Panic set in. 

Don't screw this up, you thought. 

"Why'd you leave so suddenly?" Kylo sat down on your bed and it appeared so petite underneath his large figure. 

"I- I'm sorry I um, well I don't know." 

"You do know. And I know. You were nervous. I could feel it." His tone was genuine. 

You laughed nervously and looked down at the ground. You were still standing, afraid to sit down next to him. 

"Okay, you're- you're right. I was nervous. I mean...I felt a little uh- out of place I guess." 

"I see." Kylo nodded 

You stayed silent. 

He gazed up at you, one hand brushing the hair back out of his face. He was absolutely breathtaking to take in. 

You wanted to leap and kiss him right there. To feel his delicate lips pressed against yours. To have him drink up every square inch of your body and feel his hot breath against your skin. You wanted to feel his strong hands clasping your waist while your hips made circles, grinding on top of him. The thoughts of yours were only getting dirtier, they kept advancing at a rapid speed and you didn't know how to halt them. You didn't have the guts to act on them and you knew it. Why did you want him so bad? 

"You must've forgotten...you know I can hear you? Your thoughts." He let out a small laugh. 

Kriff. Kriff. Kriff.   
Yeah forgot about that. 

"Oh I- um, I-" you chuckled nervously. You wanted to disappear into the floorboards right there in your room. 

"That's ok...I feel it too, I cant seem to get my mind off you. Why is that?" He stood up from your bed. Your face now level with his chest. 

You didn't have an answer. So you stayed silent. Goosebumps arose, covering your arms and legs. 

Before you had time to form a sentence, he pressed his lips against yours. Sparks of electricity filled every cell in your body, in his body...in every atom filling that room. You felt as if you were the only two people in the galaxy. Maybe time had stopped when his lips met yours, but the flutter only intensified. Your heart pounded in your chest and your knees weakened. You could only focus on how soft he felt against your mouth, how addictively he invaded all your senses. 

Your tongues wrestled and his teeth sunk into your lower lip, sucking on it then returning his tongue to meet yours. In one swift motion his large hands traveled to your ass and he squeezed with an overload of strength, digging his digits into your flesh. It pained you and you could feel the marks that would appear in the morning. But you loved it. You wanted more. 

Moaning in between kisses, the saliva exchanging between your mouths was only fueling the fire. Wet and hot. Your cunt clenched between your legs as he moved a hand up to grip your breast, kneading it like dough. You bucked your hips into his and he let out a grunt, tightening his grasp on you. Your hands found his chest and you felt it rising and falling with every breath. He was massive and toned, his biceps were swelling as the blood pumped throughout his veins. You felt his length hardening against your thigh and a small moan escaped your lips. As the two of you were moving in sync, enraptured in each other's touch, the door swung open. 

It was Lydia. 

Before you could even move, the door slammed back shut. 

"OH MY GOD, I- I'm so s- sorry. I-" she was mortified.   
"I wanted to check up on- you know what never mind I'll- I'll talk to you tomorrow....night!" She laughed nervously and you heard the pitter patter of her shoes descending down the hall. 

You were even more embarrassed than she was. Amusement flooded Kylo's expression. He was staring back at you, chuckling through his teeth with his arms crossed. 

"Kylo I- I didn't she was gonna, I'm- so sor-"

"No worries." 

Kylo slithered past you and opened the door, 

"Another time." He exited and made his way down the hall. 

You were stunned. You couldn't be angry with Lydia she didn't know any better. But UGH that moment it was- it was unlike anything you've ever felt and it was abruptly ruined. Just like that...you'd never get it back. You were starving for his touch and you finally got it, only for it to be ripped from your grasp. 

You calmed yourself down with a hot shower and crawled into bed. Still ruminating on the situation that happened an hour ago. What was next? How would you even move on from that...? You rubbed your comforter between your hands to ease your frustration but that didn't bring you any sort of relief. You were mentally exhausted and you needed to forget about this mess, just for now. It was late anyways, you drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I hope you guys are enjoying so far!! There is ALOT more coming up. Plot, smut, fluff, angst all the good stuff hehe :)) ty for reading bbs!🥰🥰 XOXO


	6. Loyalty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be Kylo’s POV  
> I’ll give a lil look into Kylo’s head once in a while to switch things up!!  
> Warning: blood

After he woke from a deep sleep Kylo was informed about a meeting with Snoke, it was scheduled to start in approximately 30 minutes. To his knowledge he had no idea what this could regard. It was an inconvenience in his day that he was forced to squeeze in. Kylo was constantly busy, hustling around for the first order, but he didn't mind it most of the time. He craved the power he had over everyone. Controlling them like puppets on a string. It fueled his ego which only made him grow stronger. He needed that strength to remain commander. 

While getting ready for the day the thought of you crept into Kylo's brain. Days had passed since he'd last seen you. His previous interaction with you left him somewhat confused. He felt things that were illogical. You seemed to have a foreign affect on him. The commander was conflicted ever since he'd met you that night in the medbay. This wasn't right, it wasn't like him. 

He didn't want to want you, emotionally that is. He maybe wanted to discipline you, teach you the dark fantasies that could only be fulfilled by Kylo Ren. You could please his sexual needs, while obeying his commands. He was certain having that would intoxicate his ego and fill him with pure bliss. He yearned to feel that power and craved submission as a whole. Kylo could tell, you were innocent...pure and sweet. Just what he wanted. 

But...all of it combined as one didn't make sense. The way you made him feel, mentally. He couldn't have that. The commander would grow weak, just like his father. His thoughts formed a puzzle and he was struggling to make the pieces fit together. 

Enough. Kylo blinked hard, his upper and lower eyelashes collided. He had to shake you from his brain. 

He needed to stay focused on his ultimate goal, defeating the resistance and fulfilling his true destiny. Kylo had dedicated his whole life to the first order. That was all that mattered. Distractions were forbidden.

Some time had passed while he got ready for the day. When it was time for the meeting he grabbed his helmet and headed to the throne room. Kylo and his knights stomped down the hallway with long strides. When he made it to the enormous red room he saw Snoke sitting in the distance. The supreme leader's gold robe wrapped around him and reflected off the light fixtures in the ceiling. 

As Kylo got closer he kneeled in front of him, bowing his head.

"The mighty Kylo Ren." Snoke's voice was raspy. 

"Supreme Leader." Kylo nodded, greeting him. 

"Take that ridiculous thing off." Snoke scolded. 

Kylo's helmet hissed, he removed it and cradled it with one arm. 

"Do you know why I requested your presence today?" 

"No, Supreme Leader, I do not." Ren was being genuine.

"Liar." Snoke shot up from his throne. 

"I feel a disruption in the force. In you. What is it that's gotten your soul in a bind?" He snarled. 

"Supreme Leader, i'm unaware of any change regarding myself." Kylo was clearly lying about that part now. 

"I cannot pin point exactly what it is. But it must be important, seeing as your morals may be shifting? It's far from benefiting you." Snoke's voice was more than angry, coming from the depths of his throat. 

"I don't know what you're talking about sir." He looked Snoke directly in the eyes and his fist clenched at his side. Kylo shouldn't have to explain himself to Snoke. 

The commander's body abruptly flew across the room, traveling through the air it came to a stop and collided with the wall. 

*Smack* 

He laid limp on the cold black tile. Snoke had used the force to harm him. This wasn't the first time either. Snoke was more powerful than Kylo would ever be. The commander's body shook slightly as he used the pads of his hands to remain steady, pushing himself back up. He made his way back in front of Snoke's throne. Kylo shot down onto his knees once again, bowing before the Supreme leader. Ren was furious, trying his best to hide it, he knew it would create conflict. His headed pounded from the collusion and one of his eyes ached. The metallic taste of blood saturated his mouth and leaked out the corner of his lip. Using his glove he smeared it away and swallowed. 

"You must focus on your training and fulfilling your TRUE destiny. You must follow in your grandfather's footsteps." Snoke sounded utterly frustrated with Kylo. 

He was the ONLY being to ever intimidate Ren. It brought Kylo deep shame to feel someone else's strength over powering his own. He hated it. 

"You will remain loyal to your Supreme Leader and the dark forces of the galaxy." Snoke's tone was low and snarky. 

"Understood." Kylo said sternly, standing back up. He took slow deep breaths in through his nostrils, still trying to remain calm. 

As the commander plodded out the door of the throne room his busted lip and gum continued to bleed, blood now dribbling down his chin. He held his leather glove up to his mouth applying pressure. Blood would spill down Ren's sternum if he were to let go and put his helmet back on. There he was, face beaten in, without his helmet to shield him he hung his head low instead. He tried his best to walk quickly but he was stumbling, still unsteady from the injury he'd just endured. He looked pathetic like this and couldn't bear the thought of appearing weak to anyone around him. 

Kylo made his way to his quarters and slammed the door in the knights faces. Throwing both gloves on the ground he entered the bathroom. Collecting the puddle of blood molecules mixed with his saliva, he spat. The deep red color coated the white sink with long splotchy streaks before washing down the drain. He turned on the faucet and cupped his hands under, gathering the cold water. Kylo drank from his palms, swishing the water back in fourth in his mouth then spat once more. The water was still the tiniest bit tinted but for the most part, clear. His lip had finally seemed to stop bleeding. Taking a towel and patting his mouth dry, he stood there in front of the mirror. Staring back at Ren appeared to be a ghost. He couldn't even recognize himself. He felt transparent and was dissociating from reality. 

"Weak I am." Kylo thought. Snoke was right. 

Between the blink of an eye he saw red. And only red. His four knuckles were bloodied and torn up. Ruby streams dripped down his hand and from the tips of his digits. When Kylo looked back up, the mirror in front of him was splintered. His gaze switched down to the granite countertop and found a small glass fragment that singled out half his face. While staring into it with numbness, small drips of blood spattered on top. It clouded his reflection and he was no longer able to see himself. More and more fluid drained from Kylo's hand. Shards laid in the collection of blood on the counter. Quickly running his hand under the water he tried his hardest to wash away the result of his sudden outburst. Ren's adrenaline was so incredibly heightened that he didn't flinch when water ran over his flesh torn knuckles. He tightly wrapped his hand with the towel next to him, tying it in a tight knot. Kylo didn't bother the clean up the pile of shattered glass.

He rushed into the room in which Vader's old mask laid. The commander was desperately seeking his grandfather's guidance at this hellish time. He took a sharp breath in through his teeth. 

"Give me the strength to stay loyal grandfather. To stay on the same path as you once took." He placed his uninjured hand upon the aged, black mask.

Kylo sat there for a while, trying to revert back to reality. When he was finished trying to find the smallest portion of relief, he left the room. It only helped slightly...talking to Vadar. Ren wasn't sure if his grandfather was even listening. 

Making his way back into his bedroom he looked down at his hand, the towel was drenched in brownish-red liquid. Kylo supposed he needed medical attention. He was mortified to ask for assistance, he'd never willingly asked for help before. But he thought, this looked a little too serious to ignore. Towel still tied around his hand, he picked up his mask with the other. Ren refused to show his face looking this incapacitated. He placed it back over his head and was on his way to the medbay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I rlly tried my hardest to give an accurate description of Kylo's character here. He's clearly struggling with what's happening, and as we know he's not very skilled in managing his anger. I lowkey put all my energy into writing this chpt today (lol) so I hope y'all enjoy!! :)) I PROMISE smut coming soon...Issa slow burn & I needa plot for dis first 🥺 XOXO


	7. Talk To Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to your POV   
> Warning: blood play

It was days after that night with Kylo, you and Lydia had already resolved things. You were never necessarily angry with her in the first place, just disappointed. She still apologizes to you everyday even though she knows you're over it. You both try to laugh about it now, but deep down you wish things had ended differently. 

It was just another afternoon in the medbay, you'd already finished your morning rounds. You were almost done unboxing the new shipment of syringes before you were able to go on your lunch break. It was soon thankfully. You were still dreading going back to work afterwards and having to unpack the other fifteen boxes. Well, this was your job and you had to deal with it...you knew that. 

The tag on the back of your scrub shirt itched the nape of your neck, you hated these damn uniforms. You scratched at the area vigorously trying to relieve the uncomfortable sensation. You felt a little bit better at least. After you finished putting away the last 5 packages you began to crack your knuckles and back as well. Standing almost all day really took a toll on your body sometimes. You sighed with relief, now you finally could eat. 

As you strolled out of the storage room you stumbled over an extremely large, black boot. Your hands and knees hit the ground forcefully. Stars you were so embarrassed, but what idiot would stand right in front of the exi- 

you looked up only to find it was Kylo. Your eyes bugged out of your skull when ur gaze was met with his left hand. A deep red soaked towel was securing it. Behind him was a trail of little dark splats, zig zagging across the floor. Stunned and still on the ground you watched as a single blood droplet came descending down from his fingertip. The fluid hit the floor right in front of you. 

You shot up and grabbed his wrist.

"What the fuck K- Kylo what happened?" You rushed to guide him into the nearest medical room. 

You both entered and you shut the door. 

"It's nothing I just, um...I didn't want to come down here but the bleeding it, it wouldn't stop." His demeanor was cold and harsh. 

"Okay but what happened, are you- are you okay?" You sounded overly concerned. 

"It's nothing, can you help?" He tried his best to sound stern, not showing any signs of suffering. 

Kylo stiffly sat down on the hospital bed, he seemed slightly different though. Numb and tired. As if a tiny spark of his energy and character left within the blood he had lost. 

"Yeah, yes of- of course commander." You tried your best to sound professional, you were working now. You had to ignore what happened between you two recently, at least while you treated him. 

"Lay back" you attempted to help him but he shifted before you could reach him.

"I can do it." He sounded angry...without reasoning. 

He kicked both boots up on the bed and rested his back against the pillow. 

"I'm gonna need you to please um, take off your mask I have to check your vital signs." You began applying your gloves. 

Kylo let out a sigh that muffled as it escaped. He removed his mask and placed it on the side table. As he lifted his head he revealed a slit lip and a swollen eye. 

"I- What. happened." There was a serious tone to your voice. You were determined to know what mess he'd gotten into. 

He said nothing. Then you realized he probably wouldn't tell you. 

You proceeded to check his vitals making sure the blood loss hadn't affected him that much. Everything was normal except his blood pressure which was a little low. After the bleeding slowed down a bit more, that should resolve itself. You suggested he drink lots of fluids and eat a full meal as soon as possible. You unwrapped the towel from his hand and revealed his four knuckles that were stained red. You quickly discarded the towel and applied loads of pressure with clean gauze. After minutes of just sitting in silence, trying to decrease the bleeding...it finally came to a halt. 

In the midst of cleaning his wound you came across a tiny shard of glass launched in his third knuckle. 

"Kylo...what, what'd you do?"

"Just finish up." He clearly wasn't in the sharing mood. 

Carrying on, you removed it with surgical tweezers and discarded the fragment. You cleaned the area once more and applied a bit on bacetration to speed up the healing process. You retrieved fresh gauze and wrapped white medical tape around the circumference of his hand. Examining his eye with a tiny flashlight, you wanted to make sure nothing too serious had occurred. 

He looked so...broken and you couldn't help but wonder what had caused this? 

You moved down to try and remove some of the dried blood surrounding his lips. As you pressed the cotton upon them, they were soft and a slightly flushed shade of pink. Your heart fluttered as your eyes traveled up to meet his gaze. You started to reminisce on that night in the medbay. You wondered if had as well. When you saw him for the first time you were stunned by his appearance. Even now, looking this beaten, his beauty still allured you. 

Your arm slowly dropped down to rest at your side, you were overwhelmed with the emotions that started to flood your chest. Thinking back to that night, the warmth you felt between your bodies. The electricity that ignited your soul. You froze for a good 30 seconds. The two of you said nothing...you broke contact and your head sunk down, fixated on the ground. 

As you went to turn around and discard the used cotton, your wrist was met with the tightest grasp it's ever known. Your fingers went limp and the cotton fell on the floor. You were immediately pulled so close to Kylo's face that you could hear the minuscule breaths he was taking in. You swallowed hard and your jaw clenched. 

"Ky-" you didn't get far with your words.  
Kylo's lips had collided with yours. 

He pulled you even closer, forcefully grasping the front of your shirt with his unharmed hand. Your tongues glided past one another as he delved into the depths of your mouth. Kylo cupped your face with both hands and you let out a shuddered breath. Chills crept their way up your spine as you felt the coldness of his blood drain fingertips sweep across your cheek. You swung both arms around the nape of his neck and leaped onto his lap, straddling his groin. He let out a grunt and switched his grasp to your waist, firmly forcing you down onto him. 

The two of you let out the softest moans as your hips performed the steadiest circles on top of his hardened length. He kneaded his thumbs into your temples and then returned to cupping your face, using more pressure than before. He shoved his tongue farther and explored your mouth. The two of you gasped for air in between kisses, head's bobbing up down in sync. 

All you wanted in this moment was him. Nothing else seemed to matter. 

You pressed your lips harder against his and felt a sudden wetness coating your own. You realized his lip had started bleeding again. But you didn't back away. It only made you crave him more. 

One of his hands caressed your locks and had pushed back any strays. His thumb found its way towards your mouth and he pulled down on your bottom lip. You knew a slight ruby tint was probably coating every one of your teeth. 

"You look perfect like this." Kylo let out a hard breath. 

Before you could say anything he gripped a handful of hair and pulled you back close. While leaving a trail of warm, wet and bloodied kisses upon your neck your heartbeat increased rapidly. Tracing circles on your tender skin with his tongue, he gripped you even harder. Your head was all the way back, straining your neck. A moan escaped your mouth and you bit your lip. You could tell it drove him absolutely wild. He bucked his hips up into yours.

"Fuck." Kylo sucked in a breath through his teeth. 

You sped up the pace of your hips rotating on top of him and he dug his digits into the sides of your torso. 

Your mind ran wild and you couldn't seem to enjoy this moment fully. You were genuinely worried about him. You wanted to know what brought him here and what had gone wrong. 

You came to your senses and pulled back. 

"Kylo. Tell me what happened." You were out of breath in between words. 

Silence.

"Talk to me!" The volume in your tone had increased.  
More silence. 

"Get off." His voice was stern. 

"W- what?" You were beyond confused. What did you do? 

You were only concerned about him and you wished he'd realized that. 

You swung one leg over meeting your other and hopped off the bed. Wiping your lips with a paper towel you turned to throw it out, when u pivoted back around Kylo was no where to be found.


	8. Raw Temptation

The intimacy with Kylo that you'd been craving for so long was ruined within a matter of seconds. You were at fault. You should've kept your mouth shut, who knows what else might've happened...how far it might've escalated. Your stomach growled with hunger. You had missed your lunch break but that was the least of your worries right now. You really didn't have the time to sulk and feel sorry for yourself. You needed to finish your work for the day. 

Exiting one of the medbay rooms you saw a familiar face in the distance. Your supervisor, Dr. Ezekiel. He had just gotten back from a two week trip to Garel.

"Hey you! How are things?" Ezekiel was smiling, ear to ear. 

"They've been better, but its good to finally see you!" And you were glad to see him but the timing happened to be inconvenient. 

"You too! I'm sorry to hear that, is there anything I can do?" His tone was genuine. 

"No, no thank you though." There really wasn't anything he could do. This was your problem. 

"Anytime kiddo, how was work while I was gone? You staying on top of things?" He pointed his finger at you, jokingly. 

"Yes, I actually got the opportunity to treat Commander Ren, he was wounded in an altercation with a Resistance member." Your voice shook as his name rolled off your tongue.

"Ahh, I see you're moving up in the world, good for you." He patted you on the shoulder. 

"Thanks" you smiled. 

"How is he?" Ezekiel asked.

"Oh he's fine, I treated him and he was on his way." You fiddled you're thumbs, looking down. You really didn't enjoy discussing Kylo. Especially now. 

"Good, good. Hey, Elijah is back by the way!" Ezekiel's tone was filled with excitement. 

"Oh ok, I'm sure I'll see him soon." You were blushing. 

Elijah was one of your friends who worked alongside you in the storage room. He was still fairly new but so far the two of you had gotten along pretty well. He possessed crystal clear blue eyes and milk chocolate hair that swept across his forehead. He'd accompanied Dr. Ezekiel on the trip, working as his assistant. You weren't sure why Ezekiel hadn't picked you instead, seeing as you've been in training longer than Elijah. 

"I'll catch you later, got lots of work to do." Ezekiel tapped his clipboard with his pen. 

"See ya." You smiled. 

Dr. Ezekiel was a good guy, a couple years older than you. He taught you everything you knew and you two were really close despite him being your boss. 

You returned to your usual work area and it was difficult to complete the tasks you'd been assigned. You were normally unmotivated while working but it was never this severe. Constantly thinking of Kylo made it especially hard to focus. You still failed to comprehend what had happened earlier. 

Getting off work in 20 minutes, you'd soon see Lydia and Emerson at dinner. Hopefully being in their presence would ease some of your worries. You decided you wouldn't tell them anything more about Kylo for now. You were embarrassed you had screwed up again. You needed to figure this one out by yourself. 

Some time later you collected your belongings and flipped off the light switch in the storage room. You exited and the door clicked shut. You shuffled down the long hall towards your room. After entering you quickly changed out of your scrubs and you were on your way to dinner. Power walking down to the cafe, you were famished considering you never got the chance to eat lunch. 

When you arrived you saw Lydia and Emerson sitting at your signature table. Racing over to grab a tray, you honestly didn't care what they were serving tonight. You just wanted something to eat. You sat down with the girls and scarfed down your food within a matter of about five minutes. 

The three of you chatted but you didn't engage in much conversation. That was pretty unusual for you. Hopefully they didn't notice. You really just wanted to be left alone at the time. You were done with your meal and about ready to leave. 

"Guys I'm not feeling too well, I think I'm just gonna turn in for the night." You gave an artificial smile.

"Yeah, of course." Lydia smiled back.

"Let us know if you need anything!" Emerson nodded. 

"Thanks guys." Your tone was soft. 

You got up from the table and cleared your tray before strolling out the cafe doors. On the way back to your room the thought of Kylo made your muscles tense up. The urge to resolve things traveled into your brain and you came to a halt. You pivoted on your heels and before you knew it, you were walking towards Kylo's quarters. All these thoughts were eating away at you and you couldn't bear it any longer. You decided you'd at least try to fix things between the two of you. 

When you reached the big metal doors you stood before two Knights.

"I'm here to see the commander." You tried to sound confident, hoping they'd let you through. 

Knight 1: "And this is regarding what exactly?" 

"I'm his nurse and I was allowed access about a week ago if I recall. I have to treat his wounds, it's very important I keep his health up to par." Chin up in the air, you held your head high. 

Knight 1: "I see. Well if you must." He swung open one of the doors and you slithered past him. 

As you were walking down the prolonged hallway it was dim lit and eerie, identical to that one night. 

When you reached the door to his sleeping quarters you gave it three light knocks. 

Nothing. 

Knocking with increasing force you tried again. 

The door swung open and you were met with Kylo's bare torso. His skin glistened with sweat and his fists were clenched at his sides. The wrap on his hand from earlier was still on. Splotches of dry blood seemed to cover the outside, lining each of his knuckles. 

"Um, I-" you were shell shocked. You'd never seen him this exposed before. 

"Why are you here." Kylo's chest rose and fell while he looked down at you. 

"I- I wanna know what happened, before...in the medbay. W- why'd you leave?" Your voice cracked. 

"That's my business. Not yours." He clenched his jaw. 

"What's your problem?" Your tone was harsh. 

Sucking in a sharp breath as if he were trying to calm himself, he failed to reply. 

You took it upon yourself to scoot past his shoulder. While slightly bumping into him you entered his room.   
His head whipped around while he stood in the doorway.   
"Why are you doing this?" His voice was deep, sinister like. 

"Doing what." you crossed your arms. 

"You're haunting me, constantly disrupting my thoughts." He inched closer to you. 

You were at loss for words now due to the fact that the only object in your vision was his slick sternum. You came here to talk. Just talk. You couldn't let your desire for him distract you. You needed an explanation for what had happened earlier.

"I just wanted to know what bothered you so much that it caused you to get up and leave. Okay? That's all. I didn't know any other way to reach you. I had to come here." Your brows furrowed and you looked up at him. 

Kylo inched even closer. The space between the two of you was now microscopic. 

"It wasn't and still isn't your place nor concern to know the details of my personal life. You frustrated me. I had to walk out." He raised his voice at you. 

"I'm- I'm sorry. I'll just go." Your chest began to cave in, he was so intimidating. Coming might've been a mistake you thought. 

Your eyes locked with his and not a single word escaped either of your mouths. The tension between you two seemed to be rising rapidly each second. 

Completely out of your control your knees buckled abruptly. You were now kneeling in front of Kylo. He grabbed your chin in between his thumb and pointer finger, forcing you to look directly at him. 

You were frozen, staring up at him you batted your eyes. 

"But I'm uncertain that I can resist you any longer. My urge to ravish you is overpowering." His voice sounded foreign, you'd never heard him speak in such a seductive tone before. 

Your eyes widened. Hearing those words stirred a sudden heat between your thighs. You gazed up at him, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip...

"Then don't resist it Kylo." Now you wanted him. You couldn't bear the thought of waiting. 

Kylo's hand instantly grasped your throat. As his grip tightened, you felt as if your windpipe may burst at any second. He pressed his lips against your ear.

"Oh don't tempt me darling."


	9. Intoxicated

Kylo released his hands from your neck. 

"Get up." He demanded. 

Without hesitation you shot up onto your feet. The feeling flowing through your veins at this very moment was indescribable. Kylo's hands found your waist and he unexpectedly picked you up. You quickly kicked off your shoes and wrapped your legs around his large build. He shifted his hands, one rested upon your back, the other gripped your ass tightly. The eye contact you two exchanged was unlike any other. 

Holding you close against his chest, his soft lips dove into yours. A fire ignited between the two of you. The searing heat between your bodies was rising at a rapid temperature. Your tongues twisted and twirled, moving back and fourth from his mouth into your own. Your hands traveled to run through his locks then shifted down cupping his face. As your digits ghosted across top of his raised cheekbones, the hand on your ass traveled to your inner thigh you moaned into his mouth, 

"Ffuckk." 

That provoked him enough to toss you onto the bed directly behind you. You bounced onto the silky black sheets. Kylo crawled onto the mattress and forcefully separated your legs with both his forearms. He hovered over top of your torso and his rich black hair hung down, framing his sharp and tapered jaw. Kylo's broad lustrous chest glistened like a perfectly steady lake underneath the sunshine. 

Helping to remove your t-shirt, he revealed your jet black bra. Sucking in a sharp breath, he fixated directly on your chest. Shifting his hands to your back, he reached to unclasp your bra. You lifted your back, enabling him to unhook it. After tossing both clothing items onto the floor, he sunk down burying his face into your sternum. Gripping both your bare breasts, your nipples hardened while in his touch. Kylo ran his warm wet tongue along your clavicle. Moving from your left one all the way to your right. He never lifted his mouth in the process, leaving a trail of hot saliva that contoured your collarbones. The sensation made your lower abdomen flutter with excitement. 

Bucking his hips into yours, you widened your legs even more. Your cunt was throbbing, saturated with your own wetness. Your nails raked the skin on his back and you threw your head back, sinking deep into the red velvet pillow. He grazed his teeth against your neck, nipping slightly at the skin. A sensation of wet suction was soon present and when soft moans began to expand your lips, Kylo lifted his head immediately. Appearing immensely hungry, spit coated his lips as they twinkled under the light. He shot daggers at you with his pupils, like a predator staring directly at it's prey. 

In one swift motion he yanked your leggings off revealing your black lace underwear. Gliding his digits over your cunt, your eyes traveled to the back of your skull. You were desperate for way more pressure than he was applying. He teased you, tracing the outline of your folds. Kylo moved the fabric down your legs, letting you slip out of them. When he resumed, you felt the soft sensation of his finger pads running circles over your clit. You moaned once again and he came to a halt. Spreading you apart, he inserted two fingers, penetrating you. 

"So fucking wet...and tight. All for me hmm?" He gritted his teeth. 

Those words electrified you and only made your cunt clench more. He pumped his fingers at a rapid speed. Shorty after, your legs started to shake uncontrollably. You gripped the sheets tightly, collecting them into your fist. Kylo took his other thumb and began rubbing your swollen clit once again. You were on the verge of your orgasm, he grunted while moving at a faster pace. Your back arched and your hips shot straight up towards the ceiling, you were about to cum. Kylo's speed increased even more, 

"It's okay, cum for me pretty thing." 

His words were like music to your ears and they sent you over the edge. Your hips bucked upwards and your nails sunk into his chest. You came, saturating his digits. 

A feeling of euphoria washed over every limb in your body. Your toes curled and you moaned from the rear of your throat,

"Sshit Kkkkyllo." 

Your words were scrambled as they rolled off your tongue. So intoxicated with pleasure, you were unable to speak properly. Your mouth buzzed with minuscule pins and needles. You'd never experienced such sensations to this extent. You caught your breath as your chest rose up and quickly sunk back down. Beads of sweat rolled their way down your forehead and you wiped them away. 

Kylo removed his fingertips from inside you and they dripped with white fluid. He grabbed your face, bringing them up towards your mouth 

"Suck." 

He shoved both fingers into your mouth and you obeyed. The taste was bitter and unfamiliar to you but you showed no expression of your disapproval. 

"Good girl." Kylo smirked. 

"Get up." His tone had shifted to become slightly harsher. 

You rose from the bed, all clothing still removed. Standing in front of you, he scanned your entire body and smacked your bare ass. It stung and you knew it'd leave a print...that didn't bother you one bit. He hovered behind you and soon your neck was enwrapped with his fingers. You heard the light sound of him unzipping his pants and Kylo pressed himself up against you. You felt his hardened length throb against your ass cheek. 

"You drive me wild. Did you know that?" Kylo snarled.

You cooed as pure warmth washed over your heart. 

Kylo traveled to the front of you, he pointed towards the ground, gesturing for you to kneel. You fell onto both knees and watched as he stroked his swollen shaft. 

"Open up for me." He tapped the bottom of your chin. 

As you placed your mouth around the circumstance of his length, Kylo grabbed your head. You collected your saliva that coated your mouth and tongue. While bobbing your head up and down, his dick collided with the depths of your throat. You let out a loud gag. This only made him push your head down farther, gripping your hair with both hands he thrusted into you. 

"Mmmm, just like that love." Kylo moaned and took a sharp breath in through his plump lips. 

You sped up your pace, swirling your tongue underneath his shaft. You hummed as his length filled the entirety of your mouth and continued in this exact position for some time. 

"Fuckkk..." Kylo threw his head back and hot cum shot into the back of your throat. 

He pulled out as you swallowed the salty liquid. His thumb made its way to the corner of your mouth, cleaning his semen from it. He shoved that same thumb into your mouth and you sucked. Kylo tucked himself back into his pants and you were still kneeling, practically bowing before him. 

You thought you were dreaming when Kylo's long arm came creeping down...he opened his hand, gesturing that he'd help you up. You grasped it and pulled yourself back onto your feet. Neither of you spoke. You retrieved your articles of clothing from the floor and began changing back into them. He stood there and you could feel his gaze lingering upon you. Now fully dressed, you stood on the side of his bed and waited for him to speak. 

"I- I think you should get going." He cleared his throat. 

A brutal wave of sadness hit you. You knew this might've been coming but you didn't want to believe it. Why did he act this way? So...private and...reserved. You didn't understand it and you were unsure if you ever would. Did the intimate moment you'd just had mean absolutely nothing to him? 

You scoffed. 

Stepping back into your shoes, you passed Kylo who stood in your path. You didn't bother to look at him, wanting him to realize you were unhappy. Maybe he'd feel bad...but deep down you knew he wouldn't. You yanked the door behind you, almost slamming it shut. Exiting his quarters you plodded to your room with your head hung low.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly we are a S I M P & this is only the beginning to a rollercoaster full of emotions...Classic Kylo Ren move here, we hate to see it but we still stan him. XOXO  
> 


	10. Remember To Forget Me

You held back the tears welling in your eyes as you made your way down the hall. The lump in your throat made it slightly painful to swallow. Entering your room you slammed the door shut, causing the wall to shake. You threw yourself onto your bed and laid there staring up at the dull white ceiling. 

You felt like giving up on Kylo. He didn't actually want you and you realized that. You promised yourself that from now on, you weren't living for him...you were gonna live for you. Tomorrow was a new day and you didn't want to spend another second ruminating on how much Kylo had hurt you. Soon you drifted off to sleep. 

When you woke up you were still in your clothes from last night, your hair was matted and your neck ached. While changing out of your current clothes, the scent of Kylo lingered underneath your nose. Holding the fabric close to your face, you sniffed. The fresh smell of him made your insides stir into a whirlpool. You were already breaking the promise you'd made to yourself. Taking a sharp breath in, you threw your shirt on the floor and continued to undressing. 

Just as you were about ready to shower you glanced in the mirror and noticed a red, raised handprint upon your ass. Stars you couldn't escape him. He was everywhere. You reminded yourself to only focus on the present moment, you had to let him go. 

After getting ready for work you grabbed some breakfast, then made your way down to the storage room. You greeted Lydia and Emerson in the hall, the three of you chatted for a few minutes. You tried your hardest to mask your saddened expression but you were still glad to see them. They always made you feel better and you were really thankful for that. 

When you reached your work station you were met with wide arms from Elijah. You were relieved to see him. He wrapped his arms around you and patted your back. Your head rested in the gap between his neck and shoulder. 

"Ahh it's so good to see you." He said with a smile. 

"You too, How was the trip??" Your pitch was high. 

"You know how Ezekiel can be, bossy sometimes...but overall it wasn't too bad, a little fun actually." He laughed. 

"That's great, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." Deep down you wished you were in Elijah's shoes and had gotten to travel with Dr. Ezekiel instead. Oh well. 

"So clearly we have a lot of work to do...I definitely didn't miss this." Elijah sighed and gestured to the boxes stacked, almost hitting the ceiling. 

Your only wish was to go back to your room and curl up in bed, but unfortunately that wasn't an option. 

"Guess we should get started." You sounded unenthusiastic.  
As you and Elijah were in the midst of unpacking new antibiotics he looked up at you, 

"I missed you though, while- while I was on the trip." He gave a slight grin. 

"I missed you too..." You blushed.

You didn't know how to feel. Hearing those words made it seem like you mattered, to him at least. Why were you so hung up on Kylo when you had a good guy who genuinely cared for you...? 

You both continued unboxing and hours later it was time for your break. You finally had company to eat with considering you rarely saw Emerson and Lydia around this hour. Elijah and you headed down to the cafe and grabbed some food. As you sat at the table the two of you shared a few laughs and you were actually enjoying yourself, you really needed that right now. 

"Did you do something different with your hair while was I gone? Cut it maybe?" His ocean blue eyes stared into yours and suddenly your heart fluttered just the tiniest bit. 

"No- no I didn't." You laughed nervously. 

"Oh ok." He shrugged while smiling and returned back to eating. 

Maybe you were moving on from Kylo already, if so it felt kinda good. 

You both continued eating then headed back to work. After hours of constant organization and unpacking, you were finally finished. Your lunch filled you up so much that you decided to skip dinner tonight. You made sure Elijah would notify the girls for you. He was part of the group now so he'd usually eat with you guys after work. 

You reached your room and attempted to open your door. Fiddling with the knob, the door appeared to be jammed. You gave it a hard push and it flung open, a small black box was placed directly in front of you on the floor. Not expecting any packages, you were confused as to what it was...

Lifting the lid you revealed a shimmering crystal necklace. It's luster caught your eye and you were astonished at it's beauty. The chain consisted of gold and black beads as well as a gold wire that wrapped around the thick black pendant. There was a small folded note underneath it, you opened it up and read, 

Enjoy.

That's all that was written which really puzzled you..could this be from Kylo? The thought weakened your knees and you studied the necklace once more. Maybe he really did care about you. Maybe he wanted you as much as you wanted him...

Your face lit up with joy and butterflies filled your lower abdomen. Screw your promise, you needed to see Kylo. You wanted to thank him. Wrapping the chain around your neck, you hooked it in the back and it dangled down at just the perfect length. As you swung the door open Elijah appeared to be blocking the exit. 

"What are you doing he-"

"I see you got my present!" 

"Wait...w- what?" Your brows furrowed and the bile in your stomach shifted. The thought was like a punch in the gut...this wasn't from Kylo. 

"I got it on my trip with Ezekiel! How do you like it?" 

"I- I..." you tried your best to keep it together. "Oh I love it!" You'd never acted this artificial in your entire life. 

"I'm so glad...I thought you would. It's made of pure crystal extracted from the rocks on Garel!" 

"That's, that's so nice thank you Elijah." Hiding your true emotion was getting harder and harder each second. 

"No problem." He smiled. 

"I actually um, I was just about to turn in for the night...I heard a noise outside I wanted to check it out before I went to bed." Your voice shook. 

Elijah's eyes scanned your nursing uniform that you still had on. 

You forgot about that. Kriff. 

"Oh, ok well I'll...I'll see you tomorrow, goodnight." His tone sounded suspicious, but he walked away and disappeared down the hall. 

You slammed the door shut and pressed your back against it. Sliding down, your butt hit the floor. You held your knees close to your chest and buried your head between them. A tear snuck it's way down your burning hot cheek. You couldn't believe this, you didn't want to believe it. Were you really that ignorant to think Kylo would ever do something that kind? The pit in your stomach was only growing larger as salty tears soaked your face. Time flew by and you sat there sobbing, images of Kylo infused your brain. You were devastated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you...this is only the beginning. XOXO 🙃🙃


	11. Over You

"Ouch." Your limp body flew forward as the wooden door smacked you in the head. 

"Y/N, what are you doing...I've been looking for you in the medbay...what the hell happened? Lydia's tone was high and concerned. 

"Oh my stars what- what time is it??" You shot up, stumbling as your knees wobbled. 

"0100, you're dressed for work did you um hit your head on the door while leaving or..." Lydia stood there staring back at you with wide eyes. 

"No, I- I fell asleep like this...Uh rough night." You darted to the bathroom to brush your teeth. 

Wiping the crust from your eyes, they were swollen and bloodshot. You couldn't recall how long you had cried last night, you didn't even remember falling asleep. 

"I'll be down soon." 

You spat tooth paste into the sink. 

"Are you- is everything okay?" Lydia was standing in the bathroom doorway. 

"Yeah yeah I'm fine, I'll- I'll explain later." You were rushing to fix your hair, it was way to greasy and tangled today so you threw it up into a high bun. 

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit. Come to me if you need anything. I'm serious." Lydia walked out.

"Thank you." You raised your voice, making sure she would hear. 

You rushed to grab your belongings then darted out the door. There was certainly no time to grab food, you immediately headed towards the medbay. When you arrived you practically bodied the door to the storage room. You stumbled in while out of breath from getting ready so frantically. 

You shut the door behind you. 

"H- hi" you were bent over with your hands on your knees, looking up at Elijah. 

"About time...hey." He smiled at you. 

You knew how disheveled you looked. The dark bags under your eyes, crinkled uniform and rat's nest on top your head said it all. You were so embarrassed. 

"Sorry I slept in." You shifted to help Elijah move a heavy crate.

"No worries." He chuckled. 

"What..." you laughed knowing he was probably making fun of your appearance. 

"Nothing just um, you look good." He pursed his lips together. 

"Are you insane Elijah?" You were genuinely concerned. 

"You look...candid and well...natural. I've never seen you like this. I like it." He smiled. 

Your eyes widened as the words escaped his mouth.  
"I- well, thanks." You were blushing...heavily. 

But he was definitely crazy, you practically looked homeless. 

"Yeah no problem." He placed the crate down in sync with you. 

"How's your day going so far?" You smiled. 

"Well it was pretty lonely this morning...considering you failed to show up." He was teasing you. 

"I said I was sorry." You laughed. 

"I'm kidding." Elijah smirked and chuckled. 

The two of you stood there in silence staring back at one another. 

"Sooo." You attempted to cease the awkwardness. 

Before you could speak Elijah was centimeters from your face. Your breathing increased and your palms started to sweat. He analyzed your eyes with his own. 

Elijah suddenly grabbed your face with both hands and forcefully planted his lips upon yours. You placed your hands onto his chest and pushed him off with all your strength. 

"S-Sorry I-" he stuttered.

You looked back at him with pure confusion, but not confusion towards him, instead...it was towards yourself. 

As if your body had moved faster than your brain you wrapped your arms around his neck and let your tongue dive into his mouth. His hands traveled down to your ass and you winced as he squeezed the tender spot Kylo had assaulted. As he pushed you up against the wall your lips found his neck and you left tiny wet kisses in a vertical line. The lust between you two was undeniable at this moment. 

Pants still on, you felt his hardened length press against your cunt which caused a small and soft moan to escape your lips. He grazed every square inch of your torso and his hands made their way up your shirt. He gripped both breasts and you cooed. You'd been craving to be touched like this again. His desire for you was feeding the hunger in your spirit.

You shot down onto your knees and stared up at him. Without hesitation he unleashed his throbbing dick and shoved it into your mouth. He grabbed the entirety of your bun and yanked it as he grunted, thrusting into you. You let out a gag on his shaft and he moaned. 

Just as his length descended to the depths of your throat, the door abruptly swung open. 

Your heart dropped into your stomach as Kylo stood before you. Elijah jumped back pulling his dick out of your mouth. 

The three of you were frozen. You could hear a pin drop due to the excruciating silence. 

Fury seeped deep into your veins, seeing Kylo brought out the animal in you. 

You felt as if you were a fire cracker and his presence had just ignited the fuse. 

You would explode at any given moment. 

And finally...you did. 

Suddenly you grabbed Elijah by his hips and forced his dick directly into your mouth again. You moaned and widened your eyes as you stared directly into Kylo's soul. 

Kylo's chest rose and fell back down at a dangerously high speed. His leather gloves crinkled while his fists clenched at his side. 

Elijah pried you off and tucked himself back into his pants. His expression was filled with raw terror and anxiety as the tension in the room skyrocketed. 

Still staring at Kylo you got up from your knees and traveled towards him. While licking Elijah's pre cum off your lip...you slammed the door directly in Kylo's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter was a lil short I'm sorry!! XOXO


	12. Bad Girl

"Wwhat the ffuck just happened y/n" Elijah stuttered. 

"Hmm?" You fixed your hair and brushed off your uniform. 

"Why didn't you stop? That was the Commander, are you fucking insane?! Do you know what could happen to us? We could get suspended and...well severely punished. I'm not talking a light punishment y/n. You know how the commander is." He grabbed his head in distress.

"We'll be fine." You reassured him. 

You actually had no clue if you'd be fine. Whatever were to happen could be terrible but it couldn't be any worse than Kylo constantly mind fucking you. That was beyond torturous. On the other hand Elijah could be right, maybe the punishment would be severe. You quickly stopped your mind from wandering off into the darkest possibilities. 

"I- I don't know what to do." Elijah was pacing in the storage room. 

"Calm down, seriously...I'll handle it." Your confidence was obviously artificial. 

"H-how??" He threw his hands up in the air. 

"I'll talk to the commander I guess. Just relax okay." 

You had no idea what you were gonna do yet, but Elijah was...well annoying the hell out of you at the moment. You just needed him to be quite. 

"O-okay I guess." He furrowed his brows. 

"Alright uh, let's finish unpacking." All you wanted was to get back to work and distract yourself from this mess. 

You didn't have any urge to resume your hookup with him. Yeah it was...nice but it didn't feel right. You weren't satisfied and you realized you only did it to get over Kylo. 

One thing you didn't regret was rubbing it in Kylo's face. You felt you had made a statement that you were done chasing him. He deserved it. You wanted him to suffer like you had, making you feel invincible on multiple occasions. Every time he left you or shooed you out of his presence you felt used and your tolerance for him had decreased more and more. 

The rest of your work day with Elijah was somewhat awkward considering what had happened earlier. You tried your best to ignore it. The two of you agreed to keep this afternoon's situation a secret. It may create conflict within your friend group and neither of you wanted that. 

When your shift ended you exited the storage room, you were met with a custodial crew. They were sweeping up the remains of a broken window that was located in the hallway. 

"Excuse me, um what happened?" You tapped one of the staff members on the shoulder. 

"The commander well, he had another outburst...bashed the window in with his saber. You know how he gets sometimes." The custodian shrugged. 

"Oh um, w- where is he now?" You tried to sound as polite as possible, hoping he'd tell you. 

"Beats me." He turned his back on you and continued cleaning. 

Did Kylo do that because of you? Were you the one who caused this mess? 

Kriff. 

Elijah had already disappeared, not bothering to stay and listen to the conversation. The thought of having dinner with him made your stomach uneasy. You felt you needed some time away from each other after what happened. 

Unfortunately you had no choice but to eat with him and the girls. You had promised Lydia an explanation for this morning. She was your best friend and you shared everything with her but you felt you wanted to keep your business with Kylo confidential for now. You'd make up some silly white lie, maybe telling her you were exhausted from the night before. You hoped she would buy it, if not you were screwed.

Sitting through dinner was far from comfortable, Elijah and you were both acting somewhat strange. Thankfully the girls didn't seem to notice. Lydia brought up the topic of this morning and you fed her a lie. Surprisingly she believed it, praise the galaxy. Once the four of you finished eating, you parted ways. 

While heading towards your room, a familiar sound traveled into your eardrums. The thumping of heavy boots against tile flooring. You whipped around and none other than Kylo was standing in your path. His face appeared expressionless and numb. Neither of you spoke, only observing each other's presence. Your body tensed up and you bit the inside of your cheek to keep from showing any emotion. 

"Commander." You nodded your head towards him. 

Silence. 

"Okay then..." you weren't in the mood for his silly games, you started to saunter down the hall. 

"Y/N." His voice was hoarse. 

You stopped in your tracks and rotated, facing him slowly. 

"Yes?" You sounded shy and fragile. 

"Follow me." 

"I-"

"That's an order." He cut you off before you could finish a single word. 

"To wher-" 

"To my quarters." His tone was stern.

Your thoughts raced as to what could occur. You wondered why he was requesting your company after what you'd done earlier. Intimated by him you went along, staying behind him on way there. You reached the tall metallic doors and followed him into his sleeping quarters. Clasping your hands behind your back you hoped to ease some of your anxiety. 

"Have a seat." He gestured to his bed. 

You plopped down, sinking into the mattress. 

"I see you think it's acceptable to humiliate me in front of your coworker?" He was still standing, hovering over you. 

"Kylo I-" you stuttered. 

"There's no explanation for what happened and I don't want one. I want you to understand the consequences to such foolish acts." 

Your chest felt as if it were on the verge of bursting into microscopic fragments.

You were at a loss for words, what had you gotten yourself in to? Just as you opened your mouth to speak, Kylo used the force to flip you over onto your stomach. Your chin hit the mattress and your arms laid out in front of you. Ass facing upwards towards the ceiling, Ren pulled back your pants and revealed your bare ass. You let out a squeal from the unexpected sensation of his hand colliding with your skin. He twisted your hair tightly around his wrist and straddled you. Firmly gripping your jaw, he brought his lips to your ear, 

"You wanna see what happens to bad girls like you? You think you have the right to be someone else's slut? You're wrong. I own you...you're mine."


	13. You Asked For It

You laid there in utter shock. His words made you melt like butter while underneath his warm frame. Your desperation for him multiplied times ten. 

"Yes." 

As the three letters rolled off your tongue a wave of adrenaline washed over you. You didn't know what to expect next from Kylo. 

"So you really are a slut." He scoffed. 

Kylo shot up and grabbed you by the waist, picking you up and placing you back down so you could stand. After switching his position he was sitting upright on the bed, feet touching the ground.

"Pants off." He ordered. 

Your heart raced and you obeyed. You stood before him in only your lace thong. 

"Come here."

While shifting towards Kylo he grabbed you, flinging you over his lap. Your head and arms dangled from one knee as your legs hung over the other. 

*Smack* 

With full force his hand collided with your bare ass. 

"OW." You winced as you shot forward. 

*Smack* 

You yelped.  
Again.  
And again.

"You asked for it princess...remember?"

You flinched and inched forward more and more each time. Blood rushed to your head and finger tips as you laid there, upper body aimed towards the floor. 

*Smack* 

A loud squeal escaped your mouth again and you dug your digits into his thighs, expressing your pain. 

"Oh...did you want me to stop?" His tone was snarky but seductive. 

"Yye-...no. No." You were uncertain of what you actually wanted but you knew what he wanted to hear. 

Kylo rubbed his palm in small circles along your throbbing ass cheek and gave it one last slap. The impact was harder than any other and you screeched, flailing your legs. 

He held you by your torso while rising up from the bed. After placing you on your feet, he proceeded to remove all clothing that concealed your upper body. 

His eyes analyzed your chest then proceeded to make their way up, locking with your own. Beginning at your trachea his digits traveled in one steady line. His fingers moved in between your beasts, down your abdomen and started to yield as he reached the lips of your cunt. Your clit began to swell at the warm sensation of his pads. In one swift motion he yanked the lace fabric down and ordered you to step out of them. You proceeded and kicked them to the side. 

Within seconds you flew back, head slightly hitting the black leather headboard. 

You rubbed your scalp in discomfort. 

Kylo removed his shirt, lifting with both arms as they formed an X above his head. He revealed his athletic physique and it appeared just as breathtaking as you'd remembered. 

Leaping onto the bed he hovered over you. He placed his hands on the mattress and they sunk down next to each of your ears. Your foreheads were millimeters apart and you could feel his hot breath lingering upon your face. 

Burying his lips in the crease between your neck and shoulder he traced small circles with only his tongue. You latched onto his swelling biceps, your digits slid up and down, studying each and every raised vein. 

His mouth traveled down to your breasts and with the same exact tongue movement as before, he traced your hardened nipples. Leaving a trail of kisses upon your skin, he shifted lower and lower down your frame. Appetency clouded your brain and your hands found his head. Your fingers began to flow through his midnight black locks. 

He reached your cunt and a warm, wet sensation arose between your slit. It sent you into catatonic state and your head flew back. His hands grasped both your breasts as he worked at your swollen clit, making figure eights with his tongue. 

You moaned as he inserted two fingers inside your cunt. The pressure of him sucking on your nub and penetrating you at the same time made your legs shake. Your digits forcefully grasped a handful of his hair. 

Suddenly your wrists were pinned above your head with unrelenting force. You had no control over the moans slithering through your teeth. This only made Kylo increase his speed, 

"Kkylo, pplease..I- I'm gonna ccum." Your breath shuddered as you spoke. 

He grunted and took in a sharp breath. 

With all his strength he leaned into you, penetrating you farther than he ever had. 

You let out a loud squeal and your chest began to cave in. Your eyes fluttered whilst staring into the light fixtures that hung from the ceiling. 

You were milliseconds away from reaching your orgasm...

Kylo quickly removed both fingers and lifted his mouth off of your cunt. 

"KKYLO, WHAT THE FUCK." your hands flopped back down into your lap, now released from his force hold. 

"I asked you if you wanted to see what happens...and I believe you consented." Kylo got up from the bed and began to slip his shirt back on. 

"You've got to be FUCKING kidding me..." you were infuriated. 

He didn't bother to reply. 

You shot up and quickly grabbed your clothes that were scattered along the floor. The sweat on your skin's surface made it extremely difficult to get dressed but you managed. 

The anger building inside of you was concerning, you wanted to get out of there before you did something you may end up regretting. While wiping away the hair that stuck to your forehead, you rushed to the door. Kylo was planted in the middle of the room, still completely mute. 

"Fuck. You." Your lower lip began to quiver. 

You turned your back on him and rushed down the long hallway. Your jaw clenched as your blood boiled with resentment. While storming passed the knights, your knees wobbled and your ass cheek burned like a raging fire. 

Don't cry. Don't cry. 

You had to calm yourself, you were surrounded by First Order personal walking throughout the hallway. You darted passed multiple people, avoiding eye contact and ran straight to Emerson's room. It was Friday night so you assumed Lydia would be there as well. You reached the door and entered with your hand covering your mouth. You immediately broke down in tears as you saw both their faces.


	14. Foreign Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be Kylo’s POV   
> Warning: violence & blood

Kylo's gaze fell towards the floor as he watched you exit his quarters. The situation at hand had fulfilled his yearn to establish dominance but there was still a piece missing. The challenging part...he had no recognition as to what that piece was. He should've felt satisfied after having you submit to him, but he only felt weakened. 

While being intimate with you, the only thing that infused Kylo's thoughts was an on going movie of your mouth around Elijah's dick. No it hadn't turned him on. Instead it infuriated him and that's what he feared the most. He had felt something that he hadn't felt in a long time...jealously. 

But why did the thought of you being with someone else affect him so much? You meant absolutely nothing to him, he was only using you to fulfill his sexual needs. Kylo repeatedly convinced himself of that. 

You couldn't interfere with his loyalty to the dark side. He was determined to repair the shift in power that Snoke had recently noticed. Kylo needed to regain that powerful spark that he had been lacking. 

He was hungry for destruction but taking it out on something inanimate wouldn't suffice. 

The commander grabbed his helmet and saber, he marched out of his quarters and into the hall. 

"Prepare my ship." He spat at a First Order personnel.

They nodded and Kylo raced towards the TIE whisper. 

He entered and sat down. Kylo's agitation grew as he fiddled with the controls. Soon he was off to the nearest resistance inhabited planet. He previously made sure it was populated with an abundance of mortals. 

As the ship glided through the air, Kylo's muscles tensed and he clenched his jaw. He was beyond blood thirsty, just waiting to unleash his frustration. 

He landed near a snowy white forest. The tree branches looked as if they'd been dowsed with confectionary sugar. The snow glistened in the shimmering moonlight. The air was frigid and Kylo noticed the warmth of his breath creating a cloud in front of his face. 

He darted through the trees, attempting to find any source of life. Stumbling upon a village Kylo ignited his saber and emerged from the trees. Innocent humans stood before him, scattered throughout the fluffy snow. He charged them and swung his lightsaber in what looked like a choreographed routine. 

Kylo had slaughtered every breathing entity in sight. The ear piercing screams echoed throughout the air and a handful of villagers had run off into the forest. 

Kylo's vision was infused with pure red, he had lost any touch with reality. Breathing heavily he didn't cease his killing spree until the icey white ground beneath him was saturated with the evidence of his sin. 

Kylo dropped to his knees and extinguished his saber. 

His eyes widened as he came to his sense. Kylo felt absolutely nothing. Not guilt nor satisfaction. Kylo sat there for minutes on end, not moving a single muscle. His kneecaps stung as the frost penetrated his skin. 

A sudden movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. Hungry for more he ignited his saber. 

A little boy, around six or seven years of age was stumbling towards him. The boy's expression was overcome with pure fear and he was shivering due to the harsh climate. 

Kylo quickly laid down his saber.

"Ww-what hhh-happened...WHAT DID YOU DO." The boy ran to a middle aged man that laid brutally murdered on the ground next to Kylo. 

Kylo stayed silent. A lump grew in his throat and he hung his head low. His chest tightened and his whole body went numb. He removed his mask slowly, hoping not to startle the boy. 

"WW-WHAT DID YOU DD-DO...YOU KILLED MM-MY DAD." The boy fell to the ground and started to choke on his own tears. 

He placed his head onto his dad's blood soaked chest. His face laid directly next to the hole that Kylo's lightsaber had created. 

"II- I didn't know that he was your- i- i- I'm- Im ssorry." Nausea hit Kylo as the words escaped his mouth. Words that he hasn't said in years..."I'm sorry."

A sobbing woman came rushing towards the little boy. She fell to her knees and hovered over what seemed to be her husband. She began to stroke his limp face, placing a kiss upon his forehead. Her tears fell onto his pale cheeks and mixed with the blood that covered his face. 

"Look what you've done. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE." The woman's voice cracked as she began to hyperventilate. She guarded her deceased husband's body, protecting him and her son from Kylo.

"I-" Kylo was speechless. 

"LEAVE." She pointed towards the woods as her finger shook with nerve. 

Kylo rose, grabbing his mask and saber. As quickly as possible he ran into the Forrest, swerving between trees. 

"YOU'RE A MONSTER." The woman's voice echoed in the distance. 

Kylo's eyes welled with tears and feelings he hasn't felt in years over came him. 

Guilt. Remorse. Sadness. Disappointment. 

A hot tear snuck it's way down his cheek and his breath shuddered.


	15. Irresistible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mild blood

It'd been hours since your full on therapy session with Lydia and Emerson. They had helped you feel somewhat better about the whole situation with Kylo. You had given them a short summary of what's been going on lately, excluding the...explicit parts. Those were private and you planned on keeping them that way.

You'd recently heard first order personnel discussing Kylo's departure from the ship. Apparently he was visiting some random resistance planet. You didn't know what that entailed but you didn't care. He didn't deserve to be present in your thoughts, you were still furious with him.

You were unsure of what the future held. You knew you wanted to attempt at having a fresh start without Kylo in your life. But unfortunately, it wouldn't be that simple to just forget about him. For the time being, your plan was to distract yourself as much as possible and hope you'd eventually find the strength to move on. 

You began to run a hot shower to try and relieve some of your stress. It was getting pretty late so you'd be heading to bed soon anyways. 

Just as the water splashed onto your foot, you heard a loud knock at the door. Seriously...who was bothering you at this hour? You weren't in any mood for visitors but you shut the water off, threw your towel on and made your way to the door. 

You cracked it open, hoping not to expose yourself too much. Between the small space the door had made with the frame, you saw the eye of a very familiar face. 

It was Kylo. 

Clearly he had gotten back from his little joy ride, but why was he here? He had some nerve showing up after what had happened earlier.

Something didn't seem quite right though...his eye was bloodshot, puffy and saturated with pain. 

You couldn't see him, not now. You'd had enough of his bullshit for the night. You shut the door and turned back round, heading towards the bathroom. 

The door swung open and you jumped at the sound of it slamming behind Kylo. You grasped your towel, tightening it around you. 

"Get out. Now." Your tone was harsh. 

Ignoring you completely, he began moving towards you. His face appeared to be covered in, 

was that...blood and...tears? 

You'd never seen such an utterly shocking sight. He looked absolutely distraught. 

You swallowed hard as he reached you in the bathroom doorway. 

"Y/N." His voice was hoarse and it cracked when he spoke. 

"Why are you here?" You folded your arms. 

You were trying so hard to ignore the broken human that stood in front of you. 

"I- I don't know." He furrowed his brows. 

As you scanned his body, his cloak was covered in blood...it didn't appear to be his own. 

"Kylo what happened...?"

You had given in. You couldn't stand to see him like this. 

"I'm...not discussing that." His voice was stern. 

"If you're not gonna tell me, then- then get out." 

It pained you deeply to say those words but he was being difficult like usual, you didn't have the patience. 

"I raided a village. That's all you need to know okay?" He huffed. 

"What do you mean you raided a vill-...Kylo what did you do?" You were genuinely concerned at this point. 

Silence. 

"KYLO." You raised your voice, hoping for an answer. 

"I killed. And...I didn't stop killing until everyone was- until everyone was dead." His entire expression changed, he seemed to be infused with guilt. 

"I- I" you didn't know what to say. 

How were you supposed to react to hearing such a thing? 

"Don't say anything. I shouldn't have come here." He headed for the door. 

"K-Kylo wait." You couldn't let him leave in this emotional state. 

"We don't have to talk about it if- if you don't want to." Your voice was soft. 

What a fool you were, offering your comfort to the man you were supposed to loathe. You had promised yourself you would move on and start fresh...but apparently your willpower ceased to exist in this department. 

"No I have to go. I can't be here." His tone was harsh. 

He was attempting to put up a front, you could tell. 

You tucked the edge of your towel in between the part that pressed against your chest.

"Kylo...c- come here." Opening your arms, you gestured a hug. 

How fucking stupid were you? 

He hesitated...began to move forwards...then hesitated again. 

"N-no I CAN'T." He raised his voice, on the verge of yelling. 

It startled you and you dropped your arms down to your side, then folded them across your sternum. 

"Suit yourself." You turned your back on him. 

Well you tried. You really tried. 

You began to close the door to the bathroom when suddenly Kylo's boot prevented it from shutting. 

He flung the door open and the two of you stood there...staring back at one another.

What were you doing...why was he still here? He was an asshole who didn't deserve your time or sympathy. 

Kylo looked defeated, standing in front of you with those eyes. Those eyes had seen things, heinous things. The thought chilled your bones, he was a murder...a monster. He had taken the lives of who knows how many people. It appeared he showed no remorse...that was only up until now. 

Kylo seemed different, he seemed raw. 

As you were lost inside your own mind, he suddenly leaned in and grabbed your face with both gloved hands. His lips met with yours and in an instant your tongue slipped into his mouth. Electrical currents penetrated your bloodstream with lust and you were captivated by the warm affect he had on your heart. 

You were ashamedly addicted to him and he had just fulfilled your withdrawal. 

His torso rubbed against yours, causing blood to stain your milk-white towel. It dropped to the ground and Kylo's digits descended down your bare spine. With just the cold leather that concealed his pointer finger, he traced each and every bump leading to your tailbone. Kylo reached your ass and fully grasped it with both hands. A small moan escaped your lips and traveled into his mouth. 

He quickly swept you off your feet and cradled you like an infant. Your arm latched around the nape of his neck and one hand pressed against his chest. The vibration of his heart beating beneath your digits reminded you that he was truly alive and breathing. Your desire for his intoxicating touch intensified. 

Staring up at him with eager eyes he looked back down at you. In this moment it felt like time had time ceased to exist. 

He carried you across the room and threw you down onto the bed. 

Your naked frame rubbed against his blood saturated cloak. Kylo removed both gloves and immediately penetrated your soaking wet cunt. You squirmed at how unexpected his touch was. He pumped in and out of you while his other hand made its way to your throat. His relentless grip on your neck caused your face to transform into a beet shade of red. 

Your body rocked up and down as his speed increased and suddenly you felt the force present on your clit. You were high on an ecstasy of intense pleasure. While a loud moan escaped your mouth, Kylo's hand flew up to conceal any sound. 

"Quite." He whispered. 

The pressure on your clit increased more and more each second and you were on the verge of your orgasm. 

A sentence attempted to escape through Kylo's coverage but instead it came out muffled. He lifted his hand slightly enough to hear you...

"Are you gonna allow me to fucking cum or are you gonna be little bitch about it like earlier?"

You knew how those words would provoke him and the thought of his next action electrified your bones with sheer desire.


	16. I Warned You

"My little slut, you're gonna wish that sentence never left your mouth..." He chuckled.

Within seconds your legs were spread wider, way beyond your comfort level. Your neck was held in a force choke hold and your entire body appeared to be paralyzed. 

Both of Kylo's thumbs spread the lips of your cunt and he began to run his tongue along your clit. Your initial reaction was to close your legs from the unexpected touch, but you were physically unable to. 

Your lack of control in this situation made your rate increase at a concerning speed. The pressure of Kylo's tongue was relentless and beads of sweat arose along your hairline. He penetrated you once again. Moving at a rapid pace, the pleasure was overwhelming. With your arousal still present from before, you didn't know if you'd be able to handle such a sensation for much longer. You needed to cum soon. 

"Kkylo- I- I" you stuttered.

"Not yet." He demanded.

You attempted to reply but instead bit down on your lower lip, trying to find any source of relief. You couldn't endure much more. You knew your body...you knew your limit. 

Kylo's fingers pumped in and out of you, speed increasing every second. He sealed his lips around your clit and began to suck. His warmth and wetness sent you into overdrive. You didn't care about the consequence that you'd earn, you needed to cum. 

Shutting your eyes tightly, you gave in to your orgasm.

Nothing. 

Something wasn't right. You were physically incapable of reaching your peak. Your entire body was being controlled by the force. 

When Kylo said "not yet", it wasn't about you following his orders...it was about when he decided it was time. 

"Kkkkylllo, I can't- please." 

"Please what?" He removed his mouth from your clit and looked up with hungry eyes. 

"L- let me cccum." Your fingers and toes began to twitch. 

Sweat traveled down Kylo's face and landed onto your pelvis.

"That's most certainly not how you ask. Address me correctly and we'll see." He gritted his teeth. 

Hot and salty tears began to travel down your cheeks. 

"P- PLEASE Commander let me cum." You pleaded with desperation. 

"That's better...Cum for me angel." Kylo smirked.

Your body felt as if it'd resurrected while you regained control of your senses. The feeling hit you like a ton of bricks and a tear splashed onto your sweltering hot chest. Your muscles contorted and your hips shot up towards the ceiling. The release of tension made your eyes rapidly shift to the back of your skull. Warm cum seeped onto Kylo's digits and pure bliss saturated every cell in your body. You collapsed; your arms and legs hung limp over the sides of the bed. Staring directly into Kylo's eyes, you attempted to catch your breath. 

His lashes fluttered as he sucked your liquid off of his fingers. 

"You taste so pure..." Kylo moaned as he licked his digits clean. 

You laid there in disbelief of the emotional train you'd just ridden. 

"Lay down, body across the bed. Hang your head upside down off the side." He rose from the mattress. 

You obeyed his command without hesitation.

He hovered in front of you and unleashed his swollen length. 

"Open." 

You obliged.

Kylo shoved himself into your mouth. He held the sides of your head steady while he began to thrust. Your hands met his, attempting to gain better control over your task. You opened wider and wider, letting him reached the back of your throat.

You could handle it, you wanted him.

He scoffed and with one hard push, launched himself farther into you. You gagged and saliva began to seep out the sides of your mouth. 

"So eager." He thrusted again. 

You let out a muffled moan as you choked on his shaft. 

Kylo removed his hands from your head and switched his grasp to both of your breasts. As his digits dug into your skin he fucked your mouth harder, and deeper. Your hands latched onto his forearms. Flailing your legs, you tried to stabilize yourself in such an odd position. The blood was rushing to your face and you felt a vein protruding out of your forehead. You hummed while taking deep breaths in through your nose. With determination you increased your speed and pressure on his shaft. 

Kylo let out a loud grunt. 

"Shitt-" He moaned and gripped your breasts harder. 

Pulling out of your mouth, he proceeded to shoot hot cum onto your chest. The warm and wet sensation seeped into your pores and made your nipples harden. 

You sat up slowly, trying not to disturb the puddle on your sternum. Kylo had already began tucking himself back into his pants. 

His gaze was fixated upon you.

Your finger traveled to your chest and you collected his semen. While lifting your digit towards your mouth, you gave him a seductive smirk. You swirled tongue around the tip of your finger, then proceeded to swallowed the thick liquid. 

His eyes widened and his thumb began to trace the outline of your swollen lips. You opened your mouth and latched yourself around his thumb. While you sucked, Kylo stood there observing with curiosity. You released your hold from around his finger and his hand began to travel down towards your throat.

"Such a filthy but sweet mouth you have." He tightened his grip on your neck. 

You gazed into his eyes and gave him a wide smile.


	17. Where Are You When I Need You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The middle of this chapter will include a trigger warning, I placed it directly before the paragraphs, you’ll see as you read XOXO

You rose from the bed and retrieved your blood covered towel from the floor. As you wrapped it around your frame for coverage, you watched Kylo's eyes analyze the way your body moved. The remanence of Kylo's victims stained your bare skin. You felt as if you'd tagged along with him on his killing spree. It was nauseating to ruminate on. The strong urge to ask him what happened out there arose in your thoughts. But you feared that Kylo would be angry with you for asking so you stayed silent. 

"I wouldn't be angry. I am aware of your concern, but I will not be answering any of your questions." Kylo's gaze fell towards the floor.

Kriff. You had forgotten that he possessed the ability to hear your thoughts on occasion. 

"Look, if you don't want to discuss it you don't have to but I was just- I was just worried. About you. When I saw you, you looked...different. Like something horrific had happened out there." 

"I see...but I'm fine." Kylo cleared his throat. 

"Uh, it certainly doesn't seem like it..." You gestured to the dried blood masking his face. 

"I said, I'M FINE." Kylo stammered. 

"You know...why do you act the way you do? So emotionless and cold? It's so fucking frustrating Kylo, it really is. You shield yourself from letting anyone in, from letting me in. Why can't you let your guard down for once?" 

You were unaware of the sentence that had just escaped your mouth until you saw the expression on Kylo's face. 

Hurt.

Before you could speak again Kylo darted out the door and into the hall. 

You'd scared him away again. 

It seemed almost impossible for the two of you to ever have a meaningful conversation. That part, was his fault. The feelings that came Kylo walking out on you weren't new. They'd stuck with you for most of the time lately but you tried your best to ignore them. 

You let out a loud sigh and headed towards the bathroom. You decided to resume your shower and head straight to bed, you were exhausted both mentally and physically. 

As the hot water trickled down your back you found yourself lost in a world, thinking about what you and Kylo could be if he were to change. You yearned to see him possess any emotion that wasn't anger or sadness for once. Unfortunately that would never happen and you were certain of it. 

You finished your shower and continued on with your nightly routine. Once you were ready for bed you hopped into your covers and immediately fell into a deep sleep.

Before you knew it, it was morning and Lydia was shaking you to wake up. 

"I'm up, I'm up." You yawned while rubbing your eyes.

"Good, I got you some breakfast from the cafe on my way up. Couldn't sleep, I woke up hours ago." Lydia placed the food on your nightstand. 

"Thanks." You giggled. 

You had no clue how Lydia managed to stay on top of things, it amazed you sometimes. 

"Gotta head down to the bay now, I'll catch you later." Lydia strolled towards the door. 

"Sounds good, bye." You smiled. 

After eating and preparing for your day, you were off to work.

Your anxiety heightened as you approached the storage room. For the past few days, being in Elijah's company was anything from ordinary. Things were so much different after what had happened between the two of you. You wish it hadn't changed your relationship but it had...drastically. 

The way he looked at you now made you feel beyond shameful of your actions that day. You completely regretted your intimate moment with him, it was artificial lust and you finally realized that. You only wanted to feel something. That's all it was...but Elijah didn't seem to understand that. You both promised you would move on, and you had...but apparently he failed to do the same. 

Some moments you would catch him staring down your shirt and it made your stomach churn. Did he only see you as an object now? Did your friendship mean nothing? 

You attempted to ignore it, one day after another. You never acknowledged the clear problem at hand. You were the one who caused this, so you deserved to suffer in discomfort. 

"Hey." Your voice shook as you closed the door behind you. 

"Hi." Elijah was sitting down, finishing what appeared to be his breakfast. 

"How many new shipments did we receive?" You grabbed a nearby crate and sat down. 

"Fifteen, not bad at all. Why don't you get started I'm almost finished eating." Elijah pointed to the boxes stacked on a nearby shelf. 

"Oh okay, yeah..." you got up and crept towards the pile.

"How's your morning?" Elijah smiled. 

"It's uh, well it's okay." You laughed nervously. 

You wished you could travel back in time to your earlier days as a nurse trainee. Back then you had the whole room to yourself, and yeah it got lonely sometimes but it was better than this.

You attempted to reach a large box on the very top shelf. Standing on your tippy toes, you failed. You leaped up again hoping you'd be able to knock it down but...nothing. 

Before you had time to shift aside, Elijah was hovering behind you trying to help. 

•TW ALONG THE LINES OF SEXUAL ASSAULT•

If you possess triggers relating to sexual assault I advise you to discontinue reading. 

If you or someone you know, is or has previously struggled with sexual assault do not be afraid to reach out for help. Sexual assault is no light matter and should not be taken as a joke. Use this number if you're ever in need of support: 1-800-656-4673 

By no means am I romanticizing or downplaying the act of sexual assault. Stay safe & healthy, love you all. 

•TW ALONG THE LINES OF SEXUAL ASSAULT•

Suddenly his groin was pressed against you as he aimed for the box with both hands. Elijah thrusted into you, appearing as if he were struggling to retrieve the package. 

You knew that wasn't the case. 

"Elij-"

In an instant your cheek bone had collided with the cold metal that lined the shelf.

Elijah's lips found your ear, 

"I know you want this." 

His intention wasn't to assist you. It was to please himself with you. 

Your chest caved in at the thought and you froze entirely.

You stood there in utter shock as Elijah's hand's began to travel their way up your shirt. He grasped both your breasts and you could feel his hot breath lingering upon your neck.

Your eyes widened with fear and you were incapable of reacting. 

His digits began creeping down towards your cunt and your muscles tensed with terror. The motors wiring your brain had failed to recognize the situation before it occurred. Now, you were stuck in a state of sheer apprehension and had no control over his actions. 

You were the puppet. Elijah was the master. 

The feeling of his hardening length against your ass was nauseating. 

You didn't want this.

One of his digits penetrated your cunt and you squirmed, 

"Fuckk- stay still." Elijah began to pump in and out of you. 

"Sstop. Elijah STO-" before you could finish your sentence, Elijah's hand was muffling each and every sound you made. 

The feeling of weakness that came along with him muting you made you shake with downright fury. The shame you felt was intoxicating your bloodstream, you couldn't bare to have his touch on you any long. 

With all the strength you possessed you threw a fast elbow back and it penetrated Elijah's eye socket. He stepped back in shock and his hands flew up to comfort the area. You darted for the door but just as you reached the knob...Elijah had pulled you back by gripping a wad of hair. He pushed your frame and you met with the wall. You felt as if you'd morph into the chalk - white paint if his pressure on your head were to increase anymore. 

"Cmon, what you don't want me anymore? Didn't seem that way when you pulled your little stunt with the commander. You're just a whore and you don't even see it. Pathetic." 

A hot tear snuck it's way down your cheek and your lower lip began to quiver. You wanted Kylo...you wanted him to rescue you from this heinous situation. 

Where was he when you needed him? 

Standing there, powerless made you feel beneath each and every being that walked the galaxy. You were pathetic.

The toe of Elijah's shoe had separated both your legs and you shut your eyes tightly...hoping to awaken from this real life nightmare. You heard the sudden sound of his belt unbuckling and you swallowed hard. Another tear trickled down onto your scrub shirt, marking its territory with a wet mark. As his zipper slid slowly down, his digits dug into the flesh on the nape of your neck, attempting to hold you still. 

You were absolutely mortified of what would happen next, you had to act fast. Your fight or flight finally took charge. Lucky for you, his grip wasn't strong enough. You threw your your head back and it collided with his forehead. He grunted in pain and you made a dash for the door once again. Your adrenal glands had pumped the fuel towards your stunt and it continued to linger throughout your body. You grasped the doorknob and stumbled into the hall. 

You ran, and didn't stop running until you reached your room. The tears escaping your eyes were saturating the creases in your neck, as much as you wiped them away...they continued to fall. Sobbing softly behind the back of your hand you felt as if you'd collapse in the middle of the finalizer. 

You finally reached the door to your room and flung it shut behind you. Laying down on your bed you watched as your chest rose with every shuddering breath. The snot leaking from your nose traveled it's way to your lips and you shot up to grab a tissue. 

Whilst looking in the bathroom mirror you saw the face of exactly what Elijah had called you...a whore.


	18. I’m Here Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: continued mentions of sexual assault  
> 

You felt obligated to tell someone about what had happened...but would they believe you? Would Lydia and Emerson even believe you? They knew Elijah, and from the looks of it he seemed harmless. In fact, that's how everyone saw him...as innocent. You'd just look like a fool for reporting such a thing. 

You came to the unfortunate conclusion that you would need to keep this to yourself. 

You'd been away from work for a good hour now, trying to ease your nerves. But you couldn't abandon your station any longer without informing someone; you definitely didn't need people to go around looking for you. You decided you'd tell Dr. Ezekiel that you were "feeling ill", hoping he'd give you the approval to clock out early. 

While splashing ice cold water upon your face, you hoped to mask the appearance that screamed, "I just sobbed for a fucking hour." 

Afterwards, you exited your room and were headed back down to the bay. 

You were petrified you'd end up running into Elijah, all you wanted was to get in and get out. The sudden mention of him made your eyes well up with tears. Your face was searing with heat and you knew your cheeks had turned beet red. Being that you were now surrounded by first order personnel, you needed to remain content. Quickly wiping your eyes, you took a deep breath and rounded the upcoming corner. 

Who you caught sight of next made your heart wrench, and a single tear descended down the tip of your reddened nose. 

It was Kylo. 

You immediately whipped back around, hoping he hadn't seen you this distraught. You were embarrassed. 

Unfortunately you weren't fast enough. You heard Kylo's boots smacking the floor directly behind you. 

"Turn around." Kylo ordered. 

You slowly pivoted your feet to face Kylo...looking up at him with watery eyes. 

His gaze fell upon the trails of salty tears that were now roaming down both your cheeks. 

Silence. 

"I- I have to get back to work." You sniffled and began to turn your back on him. 

"Come." He gestured towards the other end of the hall...towards his quarters. 

"I can't. I- I have to get back." You pleaded. 

"Obey me." He grasped your wrist tightly, pulling you towards him. 

The sensation startled you and flashbacks of Elijah flooded your memory. More tears began to stream down, colliding with your chattering teeth.

Kylo abruptly released his grip on you and furrowed his brows. 

"What happened?" His tone was harsh. 

"N-nothing...what do you mean?" 

Kriff...did Kylo know?

[ Kylo’s POV ]

All the images of Elijah pressing himself upon you, grabbing your breasts, penetrating you, covering your mouth, pushing you against the wall and gripping your hair...flashed before Kylo's eyes. 

The sight of you being so helpless and so sheerly tormented, infuriated him. His gaze shifted down towards you and he saw a purely traumatized human standing before him.

Elijah had hurt you...Kylo now realized that.

His jaw clenched and he began to salivate...thirsty for blood. 

Elijah's blood.

The rage building up inside of his chest began to diffuse through each and every bone that made up his anatomy. Kylo's urge to slaughter became unable to ignore and he stormed off towards the medbay. 

[ Your POV ]

You watched Kylo's cape cascade behind him as he started down the seemingly infinite hallway. 

He knew. 

You took off running attempting to catch up with his long strides. Already beginning to lose your breath, you yielded as his silhouette disappeared into the distance. Kylo was fast, athletic, and in shape. Clearly you were not. 

Whilst in distress you managed to regain your balance and leap forward once again. Your shoes collided with the white tile floor. Your locks flew back behind you as you felt the air whooshing in your face. The joints in your knees began to tense up, why were you struggling so much? You had to pick up your pace, and finally you did. 

When you reached the bay you searched frantically for any sign of Kylo...so far he was no where to be found. 

100, 102, 104, 106, 108, 110...

The hospital room numbers flashed before your eyes as you glanced into every single room you passed by.

You darted past the custodial closet when suddenly, you heard Kylo's voice. Loud and sinister like. 

But you also heard someone else's. 

The sound was emitting from a person in agonizing pain. Their tone was unsteady and each sentence they attempted to speak, faded out before they got to finish. You grasped the knob tightly and attempted to swing the door open. 

It was locked. 

You knocked hard and fast. 

"KYLO OPEN THE DOOR."  
"NOW." Your voice shook. 

Banging your fist against the hard wood you pounded. 

"OPEN THE DOOR."

Nothing.

You stepped back as far as possible and shifted your body sideways, shoulder aiming towards the door. With all the strength you possessed, you charged ahead. 

The lock clicked and the door flung open due to your impact. 

Your eyes shifted towards Kylo's monstrous gaze. It was fixated upon Elijah's color drained face. Kylo had him in a strangulating choke hold, both legs dangling in the air. 

With swollen eyes, a busted lip and a bloody nose, Elijah's face appeared to be distorted from enduring severe injuries. A puffed up mess drenched with blood. 

Kylo's lightsaber was already ignited, inches from Elijah's pupil. The sweltering heat emerging off of the red light was practically frying the flesh upon his cheek. 

"KYLO STOP." You stammered. 

His eyes flickered with anguish as they stared directly into your soul. 

"STOP." You repeated. 

You hated Elijah after what he'd done to you...but you didn't want him fucking terminated. 

"Kylo." You shifted closer, now inches away from the two of them. 

"Let him go." Your tone was soft. 

Kylo's face shook as beads of sweat roamed down his cheeks. His hair gathered in his face, and spit seeped off of his bottom lip. He was a complete and utter mess. 

"No." Kylo tightened his grip on Elijah.

"KYLO." You grasped his forearm and stared up at him with desperation. 

Kylo grunted as he aimed to crush Elijah's windpipe. The blood emerging from his wounds oozed out with little hesitation. His hold on Elijah's neck was now fatal.

"Kylo. Please" you begged. 

Silence.

"H- he hurt you." Kylo's brows furrowed. 

Your chest caved in as you heard the genuine pain in Kylo's voice. 

He cared about you. 

"Let him go. It's what I want, p- please." Your voice strained. 

Kylo suddenly released his grip on Elijah and extinguished his saber. 

Elijah gasped for oxygen as his limp body crumbled onto the floor. 

In an instant the tip of Kylo's leather boot had collided with Elijah's mouth. Blood spilled onto the floor and his tooth laid dead center in the puddle. Kylo spat directly on Elijah's face and gave him one last look of pure detest before exiting.


	19. You Know Where To Find Me

You were aware that Kylo had issues managing his temper. But you had no idea it could escalate so rapidly...and to such extreme measures. 

"Kylo y- you didn't have to do that." You trailed behind him as he exited.

"Yes I did." Kylo's tone was harsh. 

"But why?" You furrowed your brows.

"Why what?" He questioned. 

"Why did you do it..."

"Because I did." He stammered. 

"Oh, well thanks...?" you sounded uncertain. 

Kylo failed to reply. 

"Um, what's gonna happen to him?"

"He'll be leaving the finalizer indefinitely. You don't approve of my wish to execute him, so this is your only other option." 

"Oh." Your gaze fell towards the floor. 

"Should I get back to work or...?" You looked up at him with wide eyes. 

"Yes." Kylo's gaze locked with yours. 

"Are they, are they taking him away now? I really don't feel comfortable seeing hi-"

"You won't be seeing him." His tone was genuine. 

"Okay." You smiled slightly and before you could speak again, Kylo started down the hall. 

You figured after Lydia and Emerson heard the news about Elijah they would seek your input, which you weren't up for. What would you say? "Yes the commander almost murdered a man for me." You had not the slightest idea if you wanted to formulate more lies or spill the truth about Elijah and what he had done to you. Maybe you would still keep things to yourself for now, you didn't want them to worry...you'd be okay. 

The day went on and eventually word of Elijah's departure had gone around. You'd already denied your knowledge of it during dinner with Lydia and Emerson. It was surprisingly easy and that had concerned you, how simple it was for you to lie to them. You felt guilt towards having to cover it up , but it was private...it was your story and you shouldn't have to share with anyone. 

After parting ways with the girls you made your way up to your room. It'd been a long day and you were aching for some much needed sleep. As you entered your gaze fell upon a black shopping bag, with roses embroidered on the sides. It was placed neatly onto your mattress...hopefully this wasn't another present from Elijah. It made your skin crawl to even think of him. 

You proceeded to open it and revealed the most breathtaking two piece lingerie set. It consisted of ultra fine red lace and black trim that lined the sides with such delicacy. A petite black elastic strand sat mid waistline and between your breasts as well. Being on the finalizer with such strict dress codes, you'd never owned such a revealing item in your life. It was absolutely stunning and well...sexy. 

But there was also note that you had failed to notice at first considering how taken back you were. In familiar aesthetically pleasing script it read, 

"You know where to find me. 0900. Wear this."   
\- Ren 

This was actually from him, and it was gorgeous. You never thought you'd be receiving such a gift from the First Commander...you were amazed at the act. The fact that Kylo had even taken his time to purchase and deliver this was mind boggling. 

Your data pad read 0830 and you panicked. You had just enough time to freshen up and make your way to his quarters. 

The confidence that overcame you while slipping into your present caused you to become giddy with excitement. You looked...good. You'd never seen yourself in such a scandalous look and you adored it. 

After rushing to apply the slightest bit of makeup and attempting to fix your hair, you were out the door with leggings and a hoodie concealing Kylo's gift to you. 

You reached Kylo's quarters and thankfully his knights had recognized you, allowing you to pass through. When you entered, Kylo greeted you with an expressionless face. 

"Hi, t- thank you for the gift Kylo I- I love it." Your tone was soft and sweet. 

"Are you wearing it." He failed to acknowledge your gratitude. 

"...Yeah." You were disappointed in his reaction. 

"Good." He stood before you and had already begun unzipping your hoodie. 

The sound of the zipper descending filled your cells with eagerness. Your chest rose and fell as more and more of you became exposed to him.

"Take these off." He tapped your thigh, gesturing to your leggings. 

You proceeded. 

His breath shuddered as you stood before him in only your lingerie. 

Kylo began running the tips of his digits along your collar bone. He lead down your arm, then circled back up to your nipple, rolling it between his thumb and pointer finger. 

"You look just how I imagined you would in this." He hooked the black elastic on your waist with his finger and forcefully released it, letting it collide with your skin. 

*whack* 

You flinched.

Looking up at him you fluttered your lashes and sunk your teeth into your lower lip. 

Kylo ran his large palms against the back of your thighs and slowly made his way up to your ass. Abruptly grabbing it, he forced your hips towards his. While your bodies pressed together he grasped your chin, angling you to face him and suddenly your lips crashed together. The warmth of Kylo's mouth was like a summer rain, pouring over you as if it had the power to take away and give back life. His softness put you into a state of pure bliss and you moaned into him. Between hot and wet kisses, your tongues wrestled and you both shifted towards the bed. You abruptly bumped into it with your calf and Kylo proceeded to push you down onto the mattress.

Your whole body tingled, the feeling of his frame leaning on yours as his hands explored your body felt nearly forbidden. Kylo pulled you in, claiming your mouth again, hungry and intense. By the time you became aware of your fingers, they had already slipped under his shirt, his skin smooth and radiating heat.

You gazed at him like he was a piece of classical French art. His features appeared to have been created with the uttermost care because he was truly mesmerizing. 

Kylo began to strip, removing his shirt along with his pants, leaving only his boxers to remain on. His form was so overwhelming to take in, each and every time. You were astonished at how attractive one man could be. 

He resumed to your lips and your legs straddled his wide build. You felt his hardening length grazing upon your cunt. Only two types of paper thin fabric separated the friction between your anatomies. You were introduced to a whole new universe of pleasure. 

You latched your arms around the nape of his neck and started to touch upon his locks. His tongue began to skim your rib cage and he sucked the skin on your abdomen between his teeth. The warm and wet sensation was destabilizing and a small moan escaped your lips. Kylo rapidly increased the motion of his frame rubbing against yours. Suddenly his hand gripped your neck with remorseless pressure, 

"I highly doubt your ability to walk will remain present after I'm finished with you tonight." Kylo whispered seductively into your ear.


	20. The Forbidden Act

You laid there in awe after hearing the words that had just escaped Kylo's mouth. 

Your sizzling passion to truly have Kylo had only grown stronger. You fiercely met his lips with your own once again, but this time felt...different. You felt like Kylo truly wanted you as well. The pulsing warmth of his tongue was conquering the depths of your mouth. Hungry, consuming, pulling you into the heat of him as if he'd mastered the balance of gravity itself. Your toes curled and the taste of him had silenced all your thoughts. Your brain was hazy with sinful desire for Kylo, for all of him. 

Your hand traveled down to meet his solid shaft that was grazing your sex and you latched your fingers around his circumference. Kylo let out a soft grunt. In an instant he unleashed his pulsating sex and without hesitation, slid your panties off, tossing them to the side. 

Kylo's eyes zeroed in on yours and with one swift motion, his length had penetrated your cunt. The sudden sensation of his entrance washed over you in a wave of intoxicating pleasure. He thrusted into you with all the power that his hips possessed. Your head flew back in utter shock of the sizzling passion that the two of you shared in that very moment. 

"So fucking tight...I'm gonna break you angel." Kylo teased. 

His speed increased rapidly and the animalistic moans escaping your mouth were echoing off the walls of his quarters. You met his thrusts with your hips and felt his shaft delving deeper and deeper into your gut.

Kylo began to slowly caress your locks but within seconds you felt your hair being yanked with little remorse. You let out more ear shattering moans. Suddenly Kylo had used the force to pin your wrists against the headboard. You were engulfed in his dominance and it made your senses intensify to a profound level. His dick had taken complete control of your entire body and the fire pooling inside your cunt was overwhelming. Your hips were molded with his as you moved against one another. 

A small moan had escaped Kylo's lips and it sent you into a trance. Hearing the great pleasure that he too was experiencing made your connection seem that much rawer. Kylo's hands had traveled to meet yours and your fingers interlocked. You were shocked at the intimacy that he was emitting. It wasn't clear if you'd dreamt this moment to life, but there was true emotion in the way your fingers curled around one another's. His forehead ghosted yours and you both began to exchange the sweat beads that had collected on your hairlines. Your eyes were locked in a state of electrifying lust. 

You abruptly felt the force massaging your swollen clit and your nails began to rake the skin on Kylo's back. He smirked slightly as he realized the affect he had on your senses. Kylo intensified his speed as he plunged in and out of you and the wetness of your cunt began to saturate his length even more. You were on the peak of your orgasm when Kylo's head swooped down and began to whirl his warm tongue around your hardened nipples. You squirmed, uncertain if you'd be able to hold out any longer. 

"My little slut are you gonna cum?" Kylo took a sharp breath in through his teeth. 

"Y-yes." Your breath hitched. 

"Ask permission." Kylo ordered.

"Kkylo pplease, may I ccum?" You pleaded as your legs began to shake. 

"I thought we went over this..."

In the blink of an eye Kylo's hand had collided with your cheek and you jolted forwards at the act. You felt your skin buzzing with heat as you stared up at him in disbelief. 

Kylo had just hit you...

But oddly, you didn't see it as a threat...and you were longing for more. 

"Address me correctly." His pointer finger was inches away from your pupil. 

You urged to provoke more of his violent touch.

"K Y L O may I cum pleaseeee?" You purposefully exaggerated his name, failing to obey him.

"Such a little whore aren't you?" 

*thwack* 

The back of his hand had met with your other unharmed cheek and you smirked at him with satisfaction. 

His hand wandered and found your neck, grasping it roughly. 

"I'm aware of your little game. But the rule of addressing me correctly still stands. When you want to cum...you ask MY permission first." Kylo gritted his teeth. 

Suddenly the pressure on your clit had increased and Kylo's shaft was penetrating the very depths of your cunt at an unruly fast rate. You were on the verge of reaching your peak. 

"Cc- commander may I cum?" 

He didn't let up. 

"PLEASE COMMANDER MAY I CUM?!" You cried out. 

"Good girl. Go ahead." He thrusted into you with full force.

"Ffuck." Kylo groaned as if he were on the edge of his own orgasm as well. 

Your hips bucked towards the ceiling and you were submerged in shockwaves of pure ecstasy. All present sounds transformed to white noise and your vision became purely black. You felt the vibration of your intense heartbeat in every vein that roamed your body. Legs shaking uncontrollably, your digits dug into Kylo's shoulder blades and you cried out,

"FFUCK KYLO."

His head shot back and he met your orgasm with his own. Letting out a loud grunt, you felt his body contort as he spilled his warm cum inside of your cunt. 

"Sshitt." He moaned. 

You felt the sensation of his semen leaking from the sides of your sex and you both attempted to catch your breath. Two sweaty messes in a room filled with the scent of your forbidden act. You swiped away the hair that stuck to your moistened forehead and began to massage your reddened cheeks that Kylo had assaulted. Continuing to lay there, you were absolutely exhausted. You'd never had a male be so aggressive with you during sex and you were almost afraid to move from the bed. Kylo hovered over you, obviously waiting for you to sit up...but you physically couldn't. 

In an instant Kylo had slid both arms underneath your frame and cradled you, holding you close to his chest. You were stunned at how delicately he was now handling you. You felt the warmth from his chest seeping into your pores and it made your heart flutter. 

"Where are we going?" You looked up at him with confusion. 

"To get you cleaned up...and clearly I wasn't lying when I said you'd be incapable of walking." Kylo looked back down at you with the most genuine half smile you'd ever seen on him.


	21. Care For Me

While still engulfed by Kylo's arms you entered the bathroom and he proceeded to place you down onto the closed toilet lid, you flinched slightly when the coldness of it hit your skin. He began running a bath and as soon as you heard the water splash into the ceramic tub it made you eager to hop inside. When it was prepared for you to bathe in, you slowly and carefully got up, putting one foot in front of the other as you entered. The hot water came into contact with your skin and the feeling of pure tranquility set in. You submerged the rest of your body, all the way up to your neck. 

While laying in the blissful water you glanced over at Kylo who was making his way in as well. You were pleasantly surprised that he would be joining and a smile took home on your face. Kylo sunk down directly behind you into the glistening, bubble filled tub. There was a sanctuary of comfort when his arms wrapped around your figure, you shifted your head and snuggled into the slope between his shoulder and neck. You let out sharp breath injected with peace as the two of you sat in seclusion, nothing else seemed to matter at that moment. As you felt Kylo's heart vibrating against the skin that concealed your shoulder blade, it radiated intimate energy throughout the air. 

"Lean back." Kylo's tone was soft. 

He slowly began to dunk your head into the water while his hand cupped your forehead. Feeling your head immersed in the warm wetness, invited mellowness into your bloodstream. He lifted you back up and began to massage your scalp with what smelled of peppermint and rosemary shampoo. You not only felt the suds arising on your head but you heard the slight crackle of them popping. Kylo continued to care for you, moving his digits in circles along your hairline, crown and the nape of your neck. Afterwards he tilted your head back to collided with the water and remove the suds. 

He grabbed a nearby washcloth and drenched it with more soap. As he trailed it across your soaked skin you fell into a state of homeostasis and your eyes traveled to the back of your head. With the uttermost care and delicacy he bathed you, making sure to reach every square inch of your body. 

When he finished you floated in the water and pivoted to face him, you watched as he bathed himself. The way his muscles flexed while he lifted his toned arms was urging you to pounce on him right there and go for another round. But instead you let him be, strictly observing his enchanting appearance. His dark locks became dampened and one singular strand hung low in his face as he bathed the rest of his figure. It made your heart flutter to see how truly beautiful yet still overwhelmingly masculine Kylo really was. 

After you both finished rinsing off the remaining soap particles, you stepped out and onto a cotton bath mat. Your toes sunk into the center of it as if you were walking onto a cloud. Kylo grabbed two nearby towels that draped off the back of the door. He first wrapped one around his waist then spread his arms wide with the fabric in hand, gesturing to wrap you in it. You entered into what seemed like a warm and fuzzy abyss. As it concealed your frame you looked up at Kylo with wide eyes and shot him a slight smile. 

Suddenly he took your head in between both hands and laid a delicate kiss upon your forehead.

The feeling of his soft lips colliding with your skin made your entire world halt on it's axis and your brain had morphed to pure static. It felt as if the ground beneath you both was on the verge of shattering. Leaving only the two of you to remain on one small sliver of it...intertwined as a single soul. 

He exited the bathroom and you followed his lead. Kylo retrieved his clothing and you began to do the same when you abruptly felt the collusion of fabric hitting your face. He had thrown one of his black t-shirts directly at you. 

"Um ouch..."   
"...I mean thanks." You let out a slight laugh. 

You stood there in awe...basically waiting for his approval to put it on. He never gave you any sort of sign so you proceeded and slipped it over your wet head. It was absolutely huge on you, practically a dress that hung low at your knees. You turned to him and saw that he was dressed in a similar shirt with black sweatpants that sat low on his waistline. You gawked at how attractive he managed to look while wearing his pajamas. He met your gaze but said nothing and headed over towards the bed. Kylo slipped into the covers and you stood there with confusion, did he want you to...stay the night? 

"Um...should I get i-"

"Yes." He cut you off. 

You attempted to mask your shocked expression as much as possible and continued to make your way over to him. While grasping the silky material between your digits, you slithered onto the mattress with him. 

Laying there silently for minutes, you were only centimeters away from each other. You waited for a gesture from Kylo but he never gave you one. 

Finally you slid closer to him and began to curl up next to his figure, placing your head on his broad chest. He jolted slightly at the sensation but then appeared to seep into the moment just as you had. His chin rested on your head and one arm swung around to grasp your waist, pulling you the tiniest bit closer to the warmth of his body. You were overcome with satisfaction considering how much you yearned to receive this kind of touch from him. 

Your hand traveled to sit upon his chest, fingers twitching slightly as you were now both fully enraptured in each other's affection. Kylo let out a slight breath as you swung your leg over his figure and suddenly you felt his heart beat increasing rapidly beneath your cheek. His breath shuddered and Kylo abruptly leaped up from the bed. He made his way into the bathroom and slammed the door shut with full force. 

You were absolutely bewildered at the act...had you done something wrong?


	22. Angel

[ Kylo’s POV ] 

As Kylo entered the bathroom, the emotions saturating his chest created a whirlwind. He slammed the door shut behind him in frustration...he'd allowed you to get too close this time. It wasn't supposed to unfold this way. Kylo was only using you to please him and that was all it could ever be. By the power of Snoke's training he would not be seduced by your endearment...he couldn't break the loyalty he had to the dark side. 

His muscles tensed and an abnormally large lump began to grow in the of his throat, he swallowed hard. Kylo's thoughts were stars that he could not fathom into constellations...he didn't want your affection. It evoked the emotion of great discomfort, he physically and mentally couldn't let you break him. 

He was determined to remain as a figure of powerful authority...the First Commander. This was nonsense, there was no question as to what the next decision in this situation was. Kylo needed to extract the cause of all this confliction, you. 

He flung open the door and what he revealed had stopped time in a collision of senses. Undeniable warmth began to engulf his heart. 

Your head was resting on his pillow and you were nestled up within the soft, silky sheets...sound asleep in Kylo's bed. He observed with full attentiveness, how your frame was encompassed by his jet black cotton t-shirt. The way your rib cage inflated with every small breath you took and how it descended back down as you released the oxygen filling your lungs. He gazed upon a damp strand of hair that draped over your cheek. It had landed perfectly in the palm of your delicate hand which was curled up next to your head.

His stare shifted to your soft, rose colored lips and they reminded him of what an intoxicating impact you had on his soul. The skin on your face glistened from the slight reflection of the stars shining through the window and he was taken back at how...perfect you were. 

While your body was spread across his mattress, you appeared as if you were an angel sitting upon a cloud. And that same cloud hovered over Kylo wherever he went, unable to escape the thought of your existence. 

Kylo was astonished as to how you still managed to creep your way into the depths of his brain, even while slumbering. 

He needed to snap out of the trance your presence had set him in. 

He needed you gone now. 

Slowly but surely he made his way to the bed and reached for your shoulder, but suddenly your body began to shift into a new position. You rolled over onto your side and curled up like a kitten, rubbing your cheek on your forearm to settle in. While your lashes fluttered, Kylo stared down at you with a heavy, aching chest. He didn't have the power to wake you, you seemed so at peace. Something he'd never experienced for as long as he lived. Even before the finalizer, life was difficult for Kylo. His trust for any human being had vanished after his Jedi master Luke Skywalker had turned on him. But he didn't regret turning himself over to the dark forces, they were...life giving and so utterly powerful. He needed that power, and had never stopped craving it even after he'd acquired his role as First Commander. 

Kylo ultimately couldn't wake you...but he refused to sleep with you, that was too dangerous for him and he was certain of it. He exited his main quarters and planned on spending the night in the guest bedroom, away from any potential temptation. 

[ Your POV ]

When you awakened Kylo was no where to be found. You didn't recall him returning to bed last night either. Curious as to where he had gone, you pulled back the covers and began to search for him. Checking the entirety of his sleeping quarters there was no sign of him. You were hurt at the fact that he hadn't bothered to join you last night or even wake you this morning...you felt used. 

As disappointed as you were, you had to return to your room eventually. You retrieved your clothes from the night before and slipped into them, leaving Kylo's shirt folded with care on the edge of his bed. While making your way out of his quarters one of his Knights had suddenly tapped your shoulder. 

"Um excuse me, I- I think you...dropped this." His tone was low yet inviting, he held up the lace bralette Kylo had gifted you. 

"Oh my- I- haha thanks." You laughed nervously and took off power walking down the hallway. 

You could've sworn it was tucked away safely in your pocket but with just your luck it had managed to escape. 

Stars you were mortified. 

You'd only spoken to The Knights Of Ren once or twice but only along the lines of entry privileges. This time around felt odd, he seemed...nice. Considering he worked for Kylo you highly doubted he would have any trace of kindness in him but he gave you the impression that he just might. 

The fact was fascinating to you but as you carried on to your room, other things had taken home in your mind. 

Kylo.

Why had he left you last night? You still had no insight on the situation and being as you were unable to find him, you had no possible way of asking. It was still very early in the morning and your shift started in about an hour and a half. You figured you'd get a head start on your day and head down to cafe early. 

First you headed to your room and got ready for your day, then you were on your way down to get breakfast. You caught a glimpse of Lydia and Emerson in the distance and waited for them to to catch up. The three of you chatted over food and you failed to mention anything about your night with Kylo, they certainly didn't need to know everything. 

The day carried on and the hours passing by during work were long and dreadful. Thankfully you'd made it through and it was finally time to clock out. You hadn't seen the sight of Kylo for the entirety of your day and it concerned you slightly...was he avoiding you? The thought that you'd done something wrong wouldn't flee your mind.


	23. I’m In Charge

[ Kylo’s POV ] 

Kylo had left his quarters earlier that morning to attend another scheduled meeting with Snoke. On this particular occasion he had insight on what it entailed...it was still about the disruption in the force. He knew that Snoke would feel the additional decrease in power that Kylo possessed. Snoke's request for his presence would come sooner or later...and that time happened to be now. 

On Kylo's way down to the throne room he rehearsed what he'd say to Snoke, hoping to reassure him that this conflict was being dealt with. But in all truthfulness Kylo wasn't so certain that he would be able to extinguish his raw desire for you...and that was what he feared the most. 

He finally arrived at the throne room and proceeded to enter, catching a glimpse of Snoke's figure in the distance. Kylo made his way to the throne and kneeled before the Supreme Leader. 

"Kylo Ren." Snoke's voice was low and raspy.

"Supreme Leader." Kylo bowed his head. 

"I recall telling you to remove that childish mask of yours when you speak to me."

Kylo placed his mask on the shiny black floor next to him. 

"You've grown weaker since I last saw you, and I've finally figured out why...Who's the girl?" Snoke zeroed in on Kylo's eyes. 

Kylo swallowed hard, he must be upfront with him this time around. 

"She's a nurse trainee. She treated me while I was wounded...that's all." 

Snoke squinted at Kylo.

"I see...but there's something more. What is this new feeling that's been overpowering your loyalty to the dark forces? It's decomposing your strength, and I will certainly not let it. You're allowing this girl to weaken you...it's sickening." Snoke spat. 

"I have it taken care of." Kylo reassured him.

"Don't be ridiculous." Snoke gripped his throne with hands, leaning forwards.

"I do, supreme leader. I will not be seduced." 

"And what will we do with her? She cannot remain on this ship if she is a distraction. It appears to me that she is an obstacle in your journey and I will not accept that...you must fulfill your true destiny Kylo Ren."

"She is not a distraction. The nurse is only fulfilling my...needs...that's all it is and that's all it will ever be. I feel nothing for her. If anything, the power I have over her may be strengthening me. I control her and the roles will never be reversed. Ever." 

(Most of what Kylo had just said was true. But there were fragments that were not. He had convinced himself that you weren't a distraction...that was a lie).

The commander surprised himself at how he managed to truly believe almost all of what he had just stated. He was able to shut Snoke out from his thoughts just the tiniest bit at this moment, but that's all he needed. He couldn't let Snoke see the genuine feelings within his soul. 

"If she continues to weaken you I will not hesitate to have her beheaded. Her bloodied cranium will be delivered straight to your quarters. Do not underestimate me Kylo Ren." 

The words Kylo had just heard made his chest cave in, the thought of Snoke possibly harming you was...overwhelming.

"I don't underestimate you Supreme Leader." 

"Be on your way." Snoke's tone was stern and sinister like. 

Kylo nodded and proceeded to exit the throne room. 

He spent the rest of his day and night in conflict after the encounter he'd just had with Snoke. There was absolutely no way he could let you break down his walls now, and that was the end of it. You would remain as an object to him...only an object, nothing more. 

The next morning came and Kylo had woken up with raw lust penetrating his veins. He'd seen you in his dreams, solid and clear. It was a ceaseless movie of the night he had fucked you. Your facial expressions, your moans and every square inch of your body from that night had stuck to him like glue. The true passion you possessed for him made him feel...wanted. Even in his sleep he couldn't shake you from his mind.

Kylo got ready for the day, slipping into his coal black uniform, following up with his leather black gloves. After slinging his mask over his head he was ready to leave.

There was an upcoming meeting with Hux, some of the top First Order officials and part of the medbay staff to discuss the possibility of downsizing one of the bay wings. Most of it wasn't utilized on a daily occurrence and the engineers living on the Finalizer were in need of additional storage. They were desperate to acquire any space that could house some of their newly arrived equipment. Seeing as how the engine room was directly next to the medbay, expanding wouldn't be that difficult. 

Kylo knew you'd be there, as would your supervisor and your two best friends, Lydia and Emerson. He knew more about you than you thought he did. But he was certainly not up for seeing you...he was supposed to be taking care of things, keeping things under control. Unfortunately he had no choice, his presence was mandatory. 

Kylo reached the conference room and as he entered, the entire room fell into an extremely deep silence. He made his way to one of the chairs at the head of the table and plopped down onto it. After removing his mask, he scanned the room for your face. There was no sign of you yet and that brought him slight relief. 

"We cannot wait on them any longer, we must begin. They will have to catch up when they arrive." Hux was referring to your medical team. 

"So, I was informed that there was a request submitted to transform the west wing of the medicalbay? It stated that you would like multiple rooms dedicated to storing engine equipment?" He gestured to one of the head engineers. 

"Well yes sir, see the issue here is we don't have the capacity to store such large machinery in-",

Suddenly the door swung open and you, along with your team had slithered into the room. 

There had been a short period of awkward silence as you all settled in. Kylo caught your gaze immediately as you sat down a few seats away from him. You were wearing a blank expression but still managed to make his heart throb. 

Seeing your face brought back memories of how tranquil you appeared that night in his bed. How your figure sunk perfectly into his mattress and the feeling that had overcome him while observing you in such a relaxed state. 

Kylo zeroed in on your collarbones that were peaking through your scrub shirt, they were lustrous underneath the light. 

Enough. He had to snap out of the spell you'd already managed to cast on him. He was here for the meeting and the meeting only. 

But as you got situated, he truly couldn't help but glance over at you once more. What Kylo saw shook his core, quite literally. He was met with the sight of you tugging on the front of your uniform. You had yanked it down just enough to reveal the tiniest piece of fabric...your white lace bra. He hoped no one else had realized your slight exposure, but they all seemed more invested in their paperwork. Even your own friends hadn't seem to catch the act of your tease. 

But Kylo most certainly did. 

Your eyes burned holes directly into his soul with the overwhelming and alluring stare you held. The temptation he felt for you in that moment was tearing him apart from the inside out. He wanted to bend you over and fuck you senseless right there on that conference table. 

With curiosity he dove into the depths of your thoughts...right away he knew your intentions. You were replaying the same night that Kylo had dreamt of...and it was not only arousing him but also you. 

He witnessed the sight of your cunt becoming saturated with wetness as you thought of the pooling heat his length had created in your gut. He saw the hunger you had for him that night, he even felt it himself now. In this moment, you wanted him just as bad as he wanted you.

But a single thought was overpowering all the others, the image of you pleasuring yourself, and not in your bed...as in right now underneath the table. He saw the faint image of your digits rubbing against the outside fabric that encompassed your clit. You were forcefully engraving the act into his mind, making sure he was aware that it was specifically happening while the two of you sat there...in a room surrounded by people. His temper began to increase at the fact that you were in control right now. But Kylo wouldn't stand for that...and he thought you knew that, apparently he was mistaken.

[ Your POV ]

You knew what you were doing to Kylo and you craved any type of reaction from him. 

Well you certainly got it. 

Suddenly you felt a blissful pressure massaging your clit...and you weren't the one responsible for it this time. You shot Kylo a fiery stare and he sat back in amusement. Removing your hand from near your cunt, you let Kylo do the work. Your legs shook as his speed became merciless and you drank up every drop of pleasuring you were receiving. Sinking your teeth into your bottom lip, you attempted to relieve the electrifying tension that was collecting inside of your sex. Your heart rate increased rapidly and you fell into an overflowing pool of delight. His smoldering eyes were observing as you tried your best not to squirm in your seat. Any conversation occurring in the room had turned to complete and utter static. You had lost your focus on the objective of the medbay, minutes ago. It was only Kylo and you, everyone else seemed to slowly fade away. Your knees pressed together tightly as his force skyrocketed to a new level. You were surprisingly close to cumming already, and Kylo knew it. You couldn't, not here...you refused to. 

Completely oblivious as to what words were spilling from Hux's mouth, you shot up. 

"I- I'm gonna run to the restroom, excuse me." Your voice shook and you shot Kylo one last look, pupils engulfed with desperation. 

The pressure building had finally come to halt as you rushed out into the hall. You jogged to the bathroom and caught yourself in the mirror, face red as a fire truck. You finally managed to catch your breath considering you weren't being teased by the force anymore. While standing in front of the sink for a few minutes, you tried to calm your senses by patting your face with some cold water. 

Thankfully you managed to collect yourself and were ready to head back. But you had immense plans for Kylo...you were prepared to mind fuck him entirely. Although you didn't possess the force...you knew he was fully aware of your thoughts. That would most definitely work in your favor once again. You longed to purposely provoke feelings that would frustrate Kylo to no end. You knew what it would do to him...and he deserved that for abandoning you the night and morning after your intimacy. You weren't all that happy with him, and you knew teasing him would stir up a wide range of emotions. 

This was a game you truly enjoyed playing. 

You strutted down the hallway and back into the conference room. While you proceeded to sit down, Kylo caught your gaze and you smirked. 

Stars was he completely oblivious to the storm that was about to strike him. You bit back a laugh. 

Instantaneously the only thing consuming your thoughts was that night. You reminisced on the sensation of Kylo's seed leaking out of your walls...and your own cum, saturating his length. The feeling of his dick thrusting into the depths of your throat and the warm seed that had coated your tongue. You managed to replicate the same exact warmth that overcame your anatomy when his large hands wrapped around your neck, like a vine surrounding a tree. Surprisingly you were even able to hear the animalistic moans that had electrified the air within his quarters. You wanted him buried inside your guts in this very moment. The ache you had for him was scratching at your skin, your mind...and it was almost unbearable. 

The entire time you held a bewitching stare and studied his facial expressions of downright shock and impatience. You imagined he was envying you for making him feel the way you did while teasing and torturing his mind. 

"So as I stated before, we are all clear on the decision to dedicate the west wing to strictly house engineering equiptment...correct?" Hux looked up at the entire team with wide eyes. 

"Correct sir, that seems reasonable considering that wing is rarely used. We would be more than happy to help." Ezekiel's tone was inviting. 

"Would any of you care to speak your mind?" Ezekiel gestured to you and your team. 

In unison most of you shook your heads in agreement, but a few wanted to give some input. 

"Seeing as how we are no longer in need of that room, I support it." Lydia smiled.

"I agree." You also gave a slight smile. 

After the rest of your team finished speaking up, Hux questioned, 

"Kylo, your thoughts?" 

Kylo quickly snapped out of the reverie you'd managed to put him in. 

"I approve." Kylo's voice was slightly hoarse but still extremely stern. 

"Perfect. Ezekiel we will inform you when your medical supplies needs to be evacuated." Hux began to rise from his chair. "This meeting is dismissed, you all may be on your way...get back to work."

Both you and Kylo had gotten up from your seats in sync with one another. You shot him one last seductive look and exited, whipping your locks over your shoulder. 

Unfortunately your entertainment was discontinued, it was time to return back to the storage room. 

After working for about an hour or two, you were already bored out of your mind. Being that it was just you in there now, it got lonely... but of course you preferred that over Elijah's presence. 

There was a sudden knock at the door and you figured it was most likely one of the girls or Ezekiel. 

Well, you were greatly mistaken. 

Kylo slipped through the doorway and into the storage room. 

"What are you doing here?" You furrowed your brows.

"Did you honestly think you'd get away with that anguishing stunt you decided to pull in there?" Kylo shifted closer to you. 

"But it was...well amusing." You let out a laugh and covered your mouth to prevent yourself from giggling even more. 

"Maybe to you." Kylo's tone was harsh.

"Okay and what about it Commander?" Now you had taken a step closer to Kylo. 

Kylo suddenly grasped your throat with both hands and pulled your ear to his lips. 

"You're a relentless little whore aren't you?" 

"Yes I am." You bit your lip and gave him a wide smile.

Kylo let out a slight laugh and you felt his warm breath ghost your skin. 

In a matter of seconds his hand had collided with your left sheet and you jerked at the crackling sensation. You grabbed your face and rubbed the affected area, staring up at Kylo. You beamed with satisfaction and Kylo gritted his teeth. 

Kylo's lips promptly collided with yours...but you pulled away. 

"Hold on, you think you can just come in here and have your way with me after leaving me to sleep and wake up alone in your bed? Kylo you used me...you are using me. I'm not ignorant. I was purposely teasing you in there...I didn't say meet me in the storage room to fuck later." You looked up at him with seriousness. 

The two of you stood there in silence while the tension skyrocketed. 

You looked up at him with wide eyes, waiting for a reply. 

"Um hello...earth to Kylo?" You waved your hand in his face slightly. 

"And you think you can speak to me like that after what you just did in there? Oh you're horribly mistaken sweetie. I'm in charge here and I own you. We fuck when I say we do." Kylo abruptly cupped your face and leaned in once more, diving tongue first into your mouth.

The dominance in his words, and raw viscousness in his touch had ceased your willpower...you immediately gave in. 

You leaned directly into him with your hips and he dug his digits into the back of your head, shoving his tongue farther and farther down your throat. He sunk his teeth into your lower lip and pulled back slowly, letting his bite linger for a few seconds. Kylo's hand flew up to cup your breast and the other traveled down to grip your ass firmly. You moaned into his mouth as his touch created shockwaves that crept up your spine. Your nipples hardened in his grasp and before you knew it, your shirt was off and thrown onto the floor. After unclasping your bra, it joined your shirt down below. Kylo began to massage your vigorously, suddenly his teeth had sunk into the skin on your breasts and your head flew back in satisfaction. Your hands wandered to meet his extraordinarily large biceps and you raked them with your nails. You bit back another moan as his swollen lips traveled to your neck. He grabbed your locks and tilted your head, giving him better access to your skin. His tongue performed circles on your skin as his other hand yanked your hair with no remorse. You cooed at the sensation and removed him from your neck, hungry for his tongue to explore your mouth again. Diving back in for a kiss your hand met his pulsing bulge and he lurched at the touch. Kylo leaned into your hand, pleasing himself even more and you tightened your grasp. Both his hands met your ass and he dug his fingertips into your skin, certainly leaving nail indents. He abruptly removed his lips from yours and tugged at your pants, quickly removing them along with your panties. Kylo proceeded to slip out of his shirt and carelessly throw it onto the pile of clothes that now laid on the floor. He bent down and began to leave small wet kisses along your inner thighs, slowly making his way up to your cunt. When the sensation of his warm and soft lips pressed upon your sex your body jerked slightly. He began caressing your folds with his tongue and you shuddered at the overwhelming pleasure you felt. Your knees fell weak, considering you were still standing. Traveling to his head, your fingers found his locks and you gripped his hair tightly. He began to graze your clit with his cold and gloved index finger, you shuddered at his touch...he teasing you to no end. At this point you were saturated with your own wetness, you were suffering. You yearned for more pressure and proceeded to lean onto his digit just a bit more. 

"So needy aren't we?" Kylo rose from his position and grabbed your jaw, causing slight discomfort. 

You nodded. 

He suddenly forced you against the wall, hands first and pulled your hips out the slightest bit. Your spine curved and formed a full arch. Without ease, his large black boot spread both legs apart. 

*whack* 

The stinging sensation of his leather glove colliding with that skin that encompassed ass, filled you with such excitement. You craved more. 

*whack* 

You jerked forward and into the wall from the impact. But still wanted more.

"Um excuse me Commander...but you slap like a little bitch." You raised one brow at him while your head crept over your shoulder, staring back at him. 

You braced yourself for what you certainly knew was coming.

Kylo let out an amused laugh and remorselessly laid the most painful spank you'd ever known. 

You let out a yelp and your fingers clawed at the wall. Your skin was absolutely blazing with heat. 

His hand crept up to find your hair and he wrapped a bundle of it tightly around his wrist. Kylo tugged and your head flew back slightly, just enough for him to reach your ear. 

"You like being punished don't you?" He gritted his teeth. 

"Yes I do commander." You smirked.

You heard the sound of Kylo unzipping his pants and you were more than eager to receive his length. The tip of his shaft skimmed your swollen sex and the feeling of his warm and wet pre cum drove you absolutely wild.

"Please...fuck me." You pleaded.

"Such a little fucking whore." 

Kylo sunk into your cunt and it felt as if you dove into a fountain of pure delight. 

He took a sharp breath in through his teeth and began thrusting while his digits sunk into your hip bones. A moan escaped your lips and Kylo's hand immediately concealed your mouth with his hand. 

"Do you want everyone to hear you taking your Commander's dick like the slut you are?" He grunted while pumping in and out of you. 

You attempted to answer but were unable to emit any sound. 

"Quite." Both of Kylo's hands switched positions to latch around your neck. 

It seemed as if he were on the verge of crushing your windpipe as his length sunk into your guts, harder and harder. The sound of your skin clapping together echoed off the walls. You hummed at the rough sensation of his grip yanking your neck back as he drove his shaft into your cunt. Your brow began to twitch as the scorching heat between your bodies increased. 

Kylo's hands alternated between your throat and the gripping of your locks, full force on each. The two of you were bathing in vehemence as your hips met his thrusts. He grasped your breasts with his hands and ruthlessly sunk his fingers into your skin once again. 

"Ffuck you feel so good Kylo."

"Sshitt." Kylo murmured.

He shifted his fingers and penetrated your mouth with them, tugging down on your jaw. Your mouth hung open wide and his speed increased rapidly. Knees on the verge of buckling, you attempted to speak...but only a slight stutter emerged from your throat as you attempted to say Kylo's name. 

"What's that? I can't hear you angel. Speak up." He yanked your jaw open wider and wider. 

"Kkkk-"

"I still can't fucking hear you." His tone was menacing. 

You emitted the loudest sound you could create from the depths of your throat and he loosened his grip, allowing you to speak. 

"I-I'm gonna cumm please commander can I please cum."

"Not yet." Kylo quickly lifted you off the wall and swept you off your feet, he began to fuck you while holding you in his arms. Your arms encompassed the back of his neck and he pressed your back up against the wall, sinking into your cunt with all the strength he possessed. 

"Ohh mm-" your legs began to shake

His shaft penetrated deep into your abdomen and you sunk your nails into his shoulders to express your painful pleasure. Kylo's eyes locked with yours and the two of you shared a ragingly torrid bond. He was so close to you...to your heart, and felt the trails of fire building in your chest. He continued to buck his hips into yours without hesitation. The sweat beads trickled down Kylo's face and his expression was tremendously threatening. You felt as if you were on the verge of morphing into the wall considering the speed and severity of his blows. 

"Commander p- please can I cum now PLEASE." 

"Cum for me whore." Kylo sunk into you with one hard thrust.

Your orgasm came like a burst of light. It was white, it was golden and it was not gentle. All your nerve endings fizzed from top to toe. Your calf muscles tensed with a sort of numbed electricity and your face tingled with bliss. You felt the room slowly closing in on you as your hips bucked into the air. Every object excluding you and Kylo, began to slowly dissolve. You sunk your teeth into your tongue, preventing a moan. But you failed and purred Kylo's name instead, 

"Oh my- yyess KKylo." 

In an instant Kylo's hips snapped into yours and his climax swelled, bursting like a nova. His cock pulsed inside of your walls and his head flew back,

"Ffffuuck." 

Kylo's head took refuge between your neck and shoulder. You engulfed his head with one hand, the other dug into his back as the two of you shook with pleasure. You felt his warm cum spill inside of your cunt and it sent you into a pit full of ecstasy. 

You cooed as his length slipped out of you, glistening with both your cum. Kylo began to place you back down onto your feet.

"Clean this up." 

Before you even had the chance to regain your balance, your knees buckled and you kneeled before him. 

His cock sunk into your mouth and you began to suck both of your mess off of his shaft. Swirling your tongue around his tip he slid his digits through your hair. 

After finishing you glanced up at Kylo with wide eyes, 

"May I get up now commander?"

"Yes." 

You rose from the floor and the both of you began to retrieve your clothing. 

Kylo was already dressed as you finished slipping your shirt over your head. You stood there, waiting for him to speak...but he never did. Kylo made his way out the door and clicked it shut behind him, leaving you there to sulk in disappointment. 

You were still high on the impact of your orgasm but you saw it coming. 

He really was using you, and you were beyond stupid for letting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both y/n and Mr thang seem to be ridin an emotional rollercoaster 😳  
> I felt like this chapter may have been all over the place just because it was so long, I'm not used to fitting this much all in one chapter so I apologized if y'all were confused at some points. But clearly this chapter is way longer than usual it's actually about 4 chpts in one believe it or not lol.
> 
> Like I said in the description this is a sw fic but it won't follow the exact storyline, I mean obviously. But with Snoke and Kylo, their relationship is just a lil bit different in this fic than in sw. As we saw in the movies, Snoke is more powerful than Kylo but in this case scenario Kylo was able to shut Snoke out of his thoughts to protect you...what a king🤴🏻
> 
> I have plans for y/n coming up but I did wanna give you guys more smut. So yeah we WILL eventually circle back to the fluff and way more smut I promise, but it might take just a lil time while I establish the rest of the plot. XOXO


	24. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

It's been a week since you last saw Kylo. Today had been a very special day for you, you graduated from your nursing trainee position and moved on to become an official RN. Lydia and Emerson were estatic for you, considering you would now be seeing them more frequently. Tomorrow would start your new journey to treating patients on a day to day basis. Although it didn't seem like it, there was a wide variety of patients in need of care on the finalizer. From wounded stormtroopers returning from combat, or workers on the finalizer with reoccurring health issues, to senior citizens living out their last days. You were excited to follow a new path that would hopefully distract you from thinking about Kylo. He hadn't reached out to you after your last encounter, and you hadn't reached out to him either. You assumed you were nearing the end of your fling with him...as much as you didn't want it to conclude, it was destined to at some point. But one thing you were certain of was that you wouldn't lose the powerful feelings you possessed towards him, those would never fade away. They would always be there in the back of your mind, all you could do was try your best to silence them.

The next morning you woke up with eagerness to start your day. You slipped into your new and improved nursing uniform, topping it off with your white jacket that included the first order symbol patent on the arm. 

After grabbing some breakfast, you headed to the bay with Lydia. 

"Okay so here's a list of the patients, they need to be checked during rounds before anything else and these two, need to be looked after every 2-3 hours." Lydia handed you a clipboard which included a handful of people that were now in your care. 

"Thank you so much." You smiled genuinely. 

"Also we have a new, soon to be RN, arriving today. Since Elijah would've been graduating in a few months...he will be taking his spot. He's a little more advanced than Elijah was so he'll be shadowing you until he graduates. They have Luxton from custodial assigned to look after the storage room now. You finally escaped that hell, good for you girl." 

"Haha thanks again Lydia I really appreciate everything." 

"Of course, and Emerson and I will be floating around these parts, of you need anything just holler! Good luck today you'll do great ." Lydia patted your shoulder and made her way down the hall. 

Of course you were beyond nervous for your first day but you were finally getting some hands on action. Your responsibilities had increased tremendously, you weren't just unpacking stupid boxes all day.

You began your morning rounds and it was refreshing to become introduced with so many new faces. Most of your patients weren't in need of serious medical care, but they still needed to be held in the medbay. You enjoyed chatting with some while you tended to them, getting to know their life stories really intrigued you. 

As you strolled the halls and analyzed your clipboard, you accidentally bumped into someone. 

"I'm so sorry." You glanced up only to be met with an unfamiliar face. 

"No problem, I'm Noah! It's nice to meet you, Lydia told me you'd be around here somewhere. Y/N right?" 

"Y-yeah that's me, it's nice to meet you too." Your face beamed while you gazed up at him. 

This must've been the guy Lydia had mentioned earlier...stars please let it be him. His eyes were sparkling with an ocean blue tint and his locks were a rich golden-blonde shade. The widest smile took home on his face and his dimples created a unique accent to his slightly tan complexion. 

"I just arrived on the Finalizer yesterday so I'm still settling in, I was told I'd be shadowing you though?" 

"Oh yes, this is um actually my first day as an Rn. I just graduated from my trainee position yesterday." Your tone was slightly anxious. 

"Sweet, Congratulations!" Noah nodded in approval.

"Thanks, it was a long journey but...I finally made it." You laughed nervously. 

"Ha, trust me I know how you feel." He grinned. 

"So what's the plan for today?" Noah gestured to your clipboard. 

"Oh yeah right, well I just finished morning rounds and these two patients need to be checked upon every 2-3 hours. That's pretty much all that's on the schedule. Well and a few straggler patients, mainly stormtroopers with minor injuries." You tapped your pen against your paper. 

"That's not bad, what time do you guys usually go on break?" 

"Around 01200 sometimes 01230. Depends on how busy Lydia and Emerson are, I'll meet them sometimes for lunch...if not I usually just um, eat alone." You looked down in embarrassment. 

"Well you got company now so." Noah laughed. 

You shot him a wide smile and nodded. 

"It's about 01100 right now, I'd say we check up on those storm troopers then head down to the cafe if you want?" 

"Sounds good." He bowed his head in agreement. 

The two of you walked side by side down the bay hall and he towered over you like a damn skyscraper...almost as much as Kylo had but, not quite as much. You sighed slightly as his name brought back an abundance of feelings. 

You carried on your way and proceeded to treat a handful of troopers, finally you had reached the last one. 

"Room 122, here we are." You glanced at Noah. 

You knocked slightly on the door, making sure the patient was decent. 

"Come in." The stormtrooper groaned.

"Hi I'm nurse Y/N, I'll be treating you from now on." You attempted to sound confident. It was odd hearing those words roll off your tongue. 

"What are you..new? I don't need some amateur treating me, can you maybe get me someone who actually knows what they're doing?" His tone was snarky. 

"I- um" you panicked, you weren't expecting such hostility. 

Noah intervened. 

"Why don't you lay off buddy, she's very good at her job I promise you're in good hands. Cut her some slack here."

You stood there in utter shock. Noah had only known you for ten minutes and was already defending you...you were pleasantly surprised. 

"Alright..." The stormtrooper obliged. 

You proceeded to care for the patient and it went way quicker than you thought it would. He only had a sprained wrist and a few abrasions on his cheek, that was it. 

While you exited, Noah tailed behind you. 

"Um...thanks for doing that you really didn't have t-"

"I wanted to. He was being a jackass cmon..." Noah interrupted you. 

It was very strange to have a man be this kind to you...you hadn't received this treatment in quite sometime. 

"Yeah you're right, but thanks again." You laughed slightly. 

"No problem." Noah glared down at you with a grin.

The two of you proceeded down the hallway, then made your way down to the cafe for lunch.

"Just a warning this food is...well it isn't gourmet." You pursed your lips. 

Noah went in for his first bite and you stared at him, expecting a negative reaction.

"No kidding...yikes." He mumbled after swallowing. 

You let out a slight laugh. 

So far Noah had come off extremely charming, and this is exactly what you needed to get your mind off of Kylo. You were genuinely buoyant to be sharing a conversation with him. Kylo and you never talked. It seemed as if Noah really wanted to get to know you, the real you. The feeling of someone having interest in something more than your body, was beyond revitalizing. 

The two of you began to bond as you sat in cafe and you almost didn't want it to end. But unfortunately you had to head back to work. 

You and Noah were on your way to the bay, when a sudden sentence made your heart shatter into a million microscopic fragments. 

"Oh shit is that the First Comander, Kylo Ren?" Noah nudged your arm. 

In the distance, Kylo was strutting down the hall. His wardrobe was the usual all black attire with heavy boots that smacked the ground when his foot met the floor. His mask shielded any sort of facial expression, while the midnight black leather gloves engulfed his hands. 

You wanted nothing more than to disintegrate into thin air. 

You almost couldn't look at him. The feelings his presence brought they were, they were reminding you of why you had fallen for him the first place. You didn't want that...you were just starting over. 

"I'm pretty sure that's him...ever met him?" Noah's voice snapped you out of the trance you were trapped in. 

"Uh- I um, yeah I actually treated his um...wounds when he returned back to the finalizer from some...battle with the Resistance." You tried your best to perfect your speech.

"No way, that's actually pretty awesome. He a cool guy or...is he like everyone says he is...terrifying?" Noah questioned. 

"He's um, kinda a fucking asshole." 

Noah looked down and furrowed his brows. 

"S-Sorry he was just rude to me when I...treated him." You shot him a nervous smile. 

"That sucks I'm sorry. But he's uh headed our way, we better change the subject or something." 

"Okay." You nodded 

"So um what are you doing later tonight...after work?" 

You made sure your voice was loud and clear for Kylo to listen in on. Hopefully, just hopefully he'd possess the tiniest bit of jealously and start to regret what he lost. 

Kylo's head snapped in your direction as he swiftly passed by the two of you. He'd definitely heard you. You shot him the dirtiest expression that your face could form. 

"Well I'm not really doing anything. As I said before, just settling in still. Noah gave a slight smile. 

You almost completely ignored Noah's reply as your head whipped over your shoulder, curious if Kylo had been looking back as well. 

He was. 

Good. Maybe he'd gotten the hint that you were over him and that you...well, kinda hated his guts for what he did. You wanted Kylo to feel the pain you had felt that night he'd abandon you. And the time after that, when he left you filled with his cum just standing in the storage room. He didn't deserve you, and you knew that. Stars why were you even hung up on making him jealous? You had to stop obsessing over such an asshole. 

You quickly turned your head back around. 

"Hello?" Noah tapped your shoulder. 

"Oh I'm sorry, I was um...sorry what did you say?" You tried to redeem yourself. 

"I asked if you wanted to come over, late-"

"Yes." You jumped the gun and afterwards realized how desperate you'd just sounded. 

"Okay." Noah laughed. 

You finished your work day with Noah and had a pleasant dinner with him, including the girls. Almost like old times...but fuck Elijah you hated him. 

Noah had told you to arrive at his room around 0800, it was 0755. You had already changed and gotten ready, attempting to look as presentable as you could. While you made your way to his room, you were slightly excited for what tonight might bring. 

"Hey!" Noah greeted you at the door, wearing grey sweats and a white tee shirt. 

"Hi." You shot him a smile and entered.

The two of you sat in conversation for about an hour, just chatting about life before the finalizer. Noah had asked you so many questions about yourself, some you didn't even know the answer to. It was still nice though, having someone who was genuinely curious about your life. Kylo had never asked you questions...he didn't care enough to. 

Being able to talk with Noah was great and all but...you wanted something more, you had been sitting and doing absolutely nothing for the past two hours now. You came here with pretty high expectations as to how the night would go. You assumed you would have to make the first move which...you weren't all that fond of. 

You cut Noah off mid conversation by tugging his shirt and bringing him closer to you. 

He looked up in confusion. But you immediately laid your lips on his. Your tongue began to slip into his mouth when he gently pushed you away. The only thing that wasn't gentle was his tooth that had accidentally caught on your lip, sinking into it as he pulled away. Your kiss was so unexpected that Noah had actually bit your fucking lip. 

"Shit I'm- I'm so sorry are you okay?" 

Your hand quickly traveled to your lip, wiping away the slight blood that had ejected. 

"Yeah no I'm fine don't worry about it." You looked down in shame. 

"Hey, hey look you're a great girl but we- we just met. I just wanted a little company tonight. I'm not saying this wouldn't work out in the future, I'm just talking about right now. I'm sorry." Noah stroked your arm. 

"No I'm- I'm sorry." You shook your head and laughed. 

The poor kid just wanted to hangout and you automatically assumed the two of you were hooking up. Kylo may have been right...maybe you were a fucking whore.

"I'm actually gonna get going I'm kinda tired and I have to um...take care of this." You gestured to your lip and began to head for the door

"Y/N if it's because of what just happened, please...don't take it to heart. Stay." 

Hearing the word "stay" had formed a lump in your throat and you weren't sure why. But you did know, you really wanted to escape the awkward situation you'd just created. 

"No really it's ok, I'm just tired. I'll see you tomorrow bye!" You gave an artificial smile with your hand covering half your lip as you exited.

You pivoted after shutting the door behind you. 

"Who was that." 

You jumped at the unexpected voice.

"Fuck...Kylo? What the hell do you want?" 

You immediately sucked the blood off your lip, hoping he wouldn't question it. 

Why was he here? You had no patience for anymore of his bullshit.

"Did you not hear me the first time...who was that?" 

"None of your business that's who." Your gaze fell upon the floor, hiding your slight injury.

You wrist was met with a tight grasp and Kylo had yanked you close to his chest. 

"Who. Was. It." The hissing of his mask made his tone ten time more intimidating. 

You continued to fixate on the tile flooring. 

"One of my coworkers, can you um...let go?" You attempted to pull your wrist out of his grasp and in the process, lifted your head in slight fear.

"Did he- did he do this to you?" His gloved finger swiped the blood across your swollen lips. 

"Get off." You mumbled.

His grasp tightened and you yelped in slight pain. 

"KYLO. GET OFF." His strength was overpowering you, and you had no chance of escaping. 

The door suddenly swung open. 

"What's going on out he-" Noah's eyes caught the sight of your limp, blood deprived hand. 

"Woah um, I-...Y/N are you okay?" Noah took a small step closer. 

In a split second Noah was pinned against the wall by the force. 

"KYLO STOP. LET ME GO, L- LET HIM GO." 

Kylo released your wrist but still had you in a force hold, unable to move any bone in your body. 

Kylo pivoted to directly face Noah

"KYLO!"

"Did you do this to her?" His chest rose and fell significantly faster, you could hear his breath shuddering through his mask. 

Kylo smeared the blood collected on his finger, across Noah's fear encompassed face. 

"DID YOU?"

Noah shook with complete and utter terror.

"Nnn- no sir, I mean yes commander but it's not what you thin-"

Kylo launched his fist directly in Noah's eye. 

"KYLO FUCKING STOP. IT WASN'T HIS FAULT."

The hold he had on you was unbearable, you were unable to prevent any of his threatening actions.

Another blow landed directly in Noah's mouth this time. 

"KKYL-" You began to choke on your tears. He was hurting Noah, and this was all your fault. 

Kylo heard your cries and immediately whipped his head around.

He stood before you, watching as the tears streamed down your face. 

"My Angel. Did he hurt you?" Kylo's hand caressed your hair. 

The words that'd just escaped Kylo's lips had increased your distress. Your ears began to roar and you shook with confusion. Confusion over your own feelings. This interaction had taken you back in time to Kylo's altercation with Elijah. He cared about you then...and it appeared he still did now. You were at a crossroad, you were supposed to be starting fresh...beginning a new journey. But your feelings for Kylo were...everlasting. Your head dropped in frustration and you watched as your tears splattered on the shiny floor beneath you. 

"Kk-Kylo. He didn't hurt me, it- it was an accident. Please let him go. Please." You pleaded.

"What do you mean it was...an accident?" Kylo tilted your head up with one finger holding your chin. 

"I- I tried to um...I tried to kiss him and he accidentally but my l-" 

Kylo removed his finger from your face, allowing your head to droop back down. 

"Is that true?" Kylo's tone was harsh as he faced Noah. 

"Yes, s-sir." Blood oozed from Noah's mouth and his pupil appeared buried beneath his swollen eyelid.

Kylo released the force hold on you both. 

Noah shot you a look of dismay. You tried your best to give him any facial expression that projected sympathy, without Kylo noticing. 

Kylo was standing between you and Noah, not moving a single muscle nor speaking a single word. 

"Noah go inside, I'm fine, I promise." You shot Noah a glance of desperation. 

Noah nodded and returned to his room. 

"Kylo, what the fuck?" 

Silence.

"Kylo, answer me." 

"I thought he- I thought he did that to you." Kylo's head sunk to face the floor. 

"But- why do you care?" 

"Because. You're mine, I- I care about you." Kylo's fists clenched at his sides after realizing what he had just said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry no smut this chapter just plot stuff :( more smut coming soon I promise luvs. I feel like the story would be really shitty if I didn't have chapters like these, like I said it's kind of a slow burn. I hope this chapter didn't seem repetitive like the chapter w Elijah, I tried to make it as different as I could but I'm a sucker for Kylo saving us soooo. I'm trying my hardest to make these chapters longer as well so bare w me!! XOXO


	25. Important Announcement

Author's note: Very sorry if you thought this was an update but it's not, I do suggest you read though. 

It's come to my attention that some people believe this fic is similar to "infatuation" by Kylosgf. I'm being messaged to give her creds on my work but I would just like to say that I've never actually gotten the chance to read that fic. If I had read it and gotten inspo, I would've been more than happy to give her creds. This is all my own work and I hope it didn't come off as if I was "copying" her fic or whatever you'd decide to call it. I work extremely hard to write these chapters for you guys and absolutely I love doing it. 

After hearing about this I did take a glance at the summary of her fic. I just happened to have picked the same occupation that her character in the book possesses. Along with many other people who've written fics about working as a nurse for the first order. There's only so many storylines you can give someone who is living on the finalizer.

Thousands of fics on wattpad & ao3 are extremely similar, i'm assuming this situation is a frequent occurrence. I'm sure her fic is just as amazing as everyone else's on here and that she too worked very hard on it. I understand if some of you thought I'd gotten inspo from her, but as I said before this is all of my own work. It upsets me to be blamed as if I'm taking her ideas because that's not the case at all. I just wanted to make you all aware of that, I'd hate to cause any problems. Please don't give her any hate that isn't my intention for posting this. 

Thank you for reading luv u guys XOXO


	26. A Night On Canto Bight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: violence & mild blood

[ Kylo’s POV ] 

The words that had just escaped Kylo's lips were completely foreign to him. He shouldn't have said them but...he couldn't help it, you were beautiful. Not once in his life had he told someone that. He'd also never taken anyone to visit Canto Bight, but you weren't just anyone to him.

However, Kylo had to fight those feelings. He couldn't let you control his emotions, he couldn't let you affect him in any way. Because if he did, Kylo may be seduced into the light and...Snoke would kill you. That's how he viewed the entire situation at hand. 

[ Your POV ]

"Hello? Kylo?" You waved your hand in his face. 

"What?" He seemed startled at your voice.

"When are we leaving?" 

"Oh, now." He rose from the bed and headed for the door. 

"What about your mask?" You held it up to him. 

Kylo came rushing over. 

"Don't touch that...ever. Okay?" His tone was intimidating. 

"Um okay?...but aren't you gonna wear it?" 

"Not on Canto Bight. We don't need any attention drawn to us." 

He headed for the door again and you followed.

"Oh...okay." You closed the door behind you. 

The two of you strolled out of the hotel and into the streets, the night life here seemed unreal. The amount of people dressed in luxury clothing and covered in expensive jewelry, was purely insane. As you approached a large circular building you questioned, 

"What's this?" 

"The casino, I- I made plans for us to um...to eat d- dinner here on the...balcony out back." Kylo stared down at you. 

You couldn't even fathom the amount of stuttering in that one sentence. 

"You what?" 

You soon realized how rude you'd just sounded. 

"I mean, I- that's um...that's really nice thank you Kylo." You gave a slight smile as your heart sunk down into your stomach. Kylo actually wanted to make it up to you and he was trying so hard to. You saw that. 

Kylo kept his hand lingering on your lower back. You were just about to intervene when you realized, he was only trying to keep you close to him...to keep you safe. 

As you walked throughout the casino to reach the balcony, the scene around you was unlike anything you'd ever seen before. It seemed surreal, all it screamed was rich. Drinks, food, games, glamour and romance surrounded you. Multiple species provided musical entertainment and you were absolutely astonished at the party life you saw. 

You reached two tall glass doors with golden handles and  
made your way outside. 

Your gaze fell upon a black clothed table, lined with porcelain plates and two shimmering wine glasses. Placed in the middle was a single red rose, soaking in a vase of water. The chairs must've been worth more than your entire life savings, they were accented with gold with black cushions. 

As your stare shifted away from the balcony, you were met with a night sky engulfed in thousands of twinkling stars. Your hands traveled up to your mouth and your jaw dropped, you were speechless. 

You pivoted towards Kylo and he was fixated upon you. Not the exquisite dinner table set up, not the magnificent night sky...but you, just you. 

You couldn't help but lean in and latch your arms around his waist, hugging him. You were so genuinely pleased with the night so far...and it'd just begun. 

He was slightly startled by your body contact but his hands soon found your head and he slowly caressed your hair. Your chest caved in at the powerful and emotional connection the two of you shared right there, standing on Canto Bight. 

"Let's sit." Kylo patted your head one last time and you released your grasp on him. 

You plopped onto the cushion and looked down while scooting your chair in farther to reach the table. As your eyes shifted back up, Kylo's breathtaking face was directly across from you...staring back. The night sky caused his eyes and hair to glisten just the slightest bit, and he appeared perfect. 

You both relished the moment of slight intimacy. But he quickly broke contact and cleared his throat. 

The two of you said nothing and conveniently the creature looking waiter had just appeared, breaking the awkward silence. 

"What will the two of you folks be having this evening?" His voice was low and raspy, his words were almost incomprehensible. 

"We'll both have the Canto Casino special and a bottle of your finest wine." Kylo gave the waiter a nod, gesturing that he was finished speaking. 

"Of course. That should be out shortly." The waiter waddled away. 

"Wine? Hmm that's fancy." You shot Kylo a smile. 

He looked back at you, scanning your face while furrowing his brows. He looked...worried for some odd reason. 

"Kylo? Are you...okay?" 

"Yeah. I'm fine." He looked down in his lap and took a sharp breath in. 

"How many times have you been here, on Canto Bight?" Your tone was eager. 

"Quite a few actually." His voice was slightly hoarse. 

"For what?" 

"For...personal matters. For the First Order." 

"Oh." You nodded. 

"You've never been here?" His tone was softer than usual. 

"No I- I haven't. I don't remember much of my childhood, before the Finalizer. It's really all a blur." 

"I see." He shifted in his chair. 

Kylo and you were actually having a real conversation. Not arguing, not sex talk. Just a regular conversation. You'd never imagined this moment happening in a million years. He even asked you a question...this all seemed so fictitious. You asked him more questions strictly about the first order, afraid to switch the topic to his personal life. His responses were very to the point and bland. But still, he was talking to you. 

Once your food finally arrived, there wasn't much dialogue. Just hums of approval between bites. 

"Wow, this is really good." You'd never tasted such expensive meat in your life, the flavor was immaculate. 

Kylo only nodded, shoveling food into his mouth. He began to pour himself a glass of wine, 

"Are you having any?" He tilted the bottle towards your glass. 

"Sure, why not." You rarely drank but tonight seemed special. 

By the time you'd finished eating, the bottle of wine was more than halfway gone...and that was your doing. Surprisingly you could handle your liquor well, thank the stars.

"You ready?" Kylo took one last swing of his drink.

"Yeah." You rose up from your chair and saw Kylo's eyes gazing upon your exposed thigh, your dress had shifted to the side slightly. 

He swallowed hard. 

"Kylo...cmon." You attempted to catch his attention. 

He quickly broke his stare and proceeded to walk back through the casino. You followed, heeling at his side. As the two of you walked outside into the streets, you were once again amazed at how upbeat everything was on Canto Bight.

"Thank you, for dinner...and for bringing me here." You looked up at Kylo with wide eyes. 

Kylo nodded. 

After making it back to your hotel room, you plopped down onto the bed. You were exhausted from walking around in these heels that you'd never worn before, so you quickly kicked them off. You watched as Kylo ran his digits through his locks, slightly pacing back and forth in the room. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing." His tone was stern. 

"Really? Doesn't seem that way." You were curious as to what had him so anxious. 

"Yeah really, it's nothing." 

You got back up from the bed and placed one hand on Kylo's back, attempting to comfort him. You saw the distress he was in, you saw how hard he was trying to apologize when he was really never taught how to do so. As you latched around his bicep and rubbed your cheek against his arm, he let out a loud sigh. 

Kylo jerked back after a few seconds and looked down at you with anguish. 

He looked so defeated, and for some reason...it was affecting you deeply.

Before you could speak another word Kylo had swooped in and laid his lips upon yours...you were once again, hypnotized under his spell. 

You dug your digits into his shoulder blades as your tongue glided past his. He took your face in his hands, hungrily trying to taste more of you as he explored your mouth with fervor. Moans of satisfaction that the two of you ejected, filled the entirety of the room. You felt Kylo's hand slowly gliding up the slit in your dress, he made his way to your ass he grasped it firmly. Your teeth sunk into his lower lip which only made him increase the pressure he held on you. Kylo bucked his hips into yours and your knees weakened at the satisfying sensation of him rubbing against you. He wrapped one arm around the circumference of your waist and picked you up, his other hand remaining your ass. Kylo threw you down onto the mattress and began to strip. You gazed at him as he revealed his expanding chest and abdomen. You missed the sight of him being so exposed to you.

"Take this off." He pulled on your dress the slightest bit. 

You slipped out of it, lifting it over your head and carelessly throwing the expensive item on the floor next to you. After unclasping your bra and shifting out of your panties, they joined your gown down below. 

"Fuck." Kylo hissed through his teeth. 

Kylo's hands ghosted every square inch of your body and he sunk his fingers into your breasts. While kneading them, his tongue explored the skin on your inner thigh, leaving one slick trail all the way up to your cunt. His fingers traveled down to spread the lips of your sex, 

"Look at you, dripping for me already." He ran the tip of his tongue along your clit and you jolted at the sudden sensation. 

"Relax Angel." He resumed and explored the entirety of you with his tongue. 

You hummed In raw pleasure and your knees began to shift inward, relieving the tension rising between your legs. In an instant they were spread apart, way beyond your comfort level. 

"Kkylo." 

He gazed up quickly. 

"I said relax." Your wrists were now pinned above your head by the force. 

Kylo increased his pace significantly and proceeded to inserted two fingers. You threw your head back in satisfaction as he pumped in and out of your cunt. More and more tension was building in your clit and you were unsure of how long you'd be able to go before cumming. 

Kylo quickly applied a force choke hold on your throat. 

Your senses were blurred and everything had quickly transformed into slow motion, you were dosed by Kylo's touch. You were about to cum already. 

"I- I'm gonna fucking cum, commander can I please cum?" 

He didn't respond, only sucking harder on your swollen clit. 

"C-commander I cant, I can't-" you sputtered. 

Your legs shook and your back lurched toward the ceiling. The loudest moan escaped your lips as pleasure consumed every bit of you, and you came...without permission. 

Kylo's head flew up while your juices covered his plump lips. 

"Did I say you could fucking cum?" Kylo raised his voice. 

You were immediately flipped onto your stomach and had absolutely no control over your limp body. 

*whack* 

You jerked at the sudden sensation of his hand colliding with your ass cheek, but then followed up with a small moan. 

"Oh wait...this wouldn't be much of a punishment, would it? I must've forgotten, you're a little fucking whore...you love when I treat you like this, don't you?" 

You only nodded. 

"Speak when you're spoken to." Kylo pressed his lips directly to your ear and grasped your jaw. 

"Yes I do commander." 

"Yes you do what? Say it." Kylo's traveled to your throat. 

"I love when you punish me." Your words babbled out of your mouth as Kylo's grip tightened even more. 

"Say it again...with my name...louder." He took a sharp breath in. 

"I LOVE WHEN YOU PUNISH ME COMMANDER." 

"Such a dirty fucking girl." He scoffed. 

[ Kylo’s POV ] 

Kylo craved your submission to him. It made him feel like he had somewhat of a grasp on you and your affect on him. He saw your delicate body in front of him, but all he wanted to feel was power, he wanted to have his way with you, even if it was more than you could handle. All that mattered in this moment was regaining what you'd taken from him, his strength, his loyalty, his soul.

[ Your POV ] 

Kylo flipped you onto your back and immediately landed a hard slap upon your face. You saw the fury in his expression before his hand had collided with your cheek, and then the pure satisfaction after you'd yelped. This slap, it had rage behind it...this one had actually hurt.

*whack*  
"O-okay Kylo that's enough." You grasped your face in pain. 

*whack*  
"Kylo I said STOP." You attempted to block the collusion with your forearm but within seconds both arms were pinned back down.

*whack*  
"KYLO STOP." Hot and salty tears began streaming down your searing hot cheeks. 

You were suffering and he wouldn't stop.

*whack*  
"PLEASE." The taste of metal filled your mouth and you realized, you were bleeding. 

*whack*  
"K-KYLO SSTOPP PLEASE STOP ITS ME! KYLO!" You began to choke on your tears as blood filled saliva seeped out of your mouth. 

Kylo's hand halted in mid air and he glared down at you, hair dripping with sweat as he furrowed his brows. 

[ Kylo’s POV ]

Kylo saw your bloody and tear saturated face beneath him.

He did this. 

He released both of your hands from the force hold and they flew up to shield your face. You were shaking with fear, absolutely traumatized due to his actions. 

The only things that filled Kylo's mind while he hit you were Snoke's face, his master Luke's face, his Father's face, and your face. Not your face now...but your smiling, precious face. The one he saw at dinner, on the finalizer; the face that made him melt completely whenever he saw it. It angered him to be so addicted and attached to another human being. That wasn't like Kylo, it never has been. 

He didn't mean to seriously harm you, he just wanted all the pain that his mind possessed, to stop.

Kylo swooped down and his arms slipped underneath your back, he picked you up and held you close to his chest. His hand found your head and he cradled it. Kylo had truly hurt you. And for once in his life...he felt guilty. He heard the small sobs escaping your lips and felt your body contracting with every cry you let out. The realization of your pain was a gust of wind that had just woken him from a comatose. 

[ Your POV ]

"I- I didn't mean to...I'm s- sorry." His voice cracked. 

A tear snuck it's way down Kylo's cheek and landed directly onto your forehead. 

You looked up at him with glassy eyes and furrowed your brows.

Kylo had just apologized...and he was crying.

You had no idea as to what you should do, or how you should feel. But you acted out of instinct. 

Your hands found his trembling face and you cupped his cheeks. His lips quivered and he flinched at your touch of affection. While searching his eyes you ran your digits through his hair. 

He was so fucking broken. 

"It- it's okay." You took a long, deep breath in through your nose. You shouldn't have forgiven him...but for some reason you did. 

Kylo looked down at you as more tears fell from his face, 

"W-what?" He stuttered. 

"I said, it's okay." You cupped his cheeks harder. 

"But I-" His expression was overcome with confusion. 

"I know." You nodded. 

Kylo quickly resumed his grasp on your head and held you tighter than he ever had, to his chest. 

Another tear rolled down your assaulted cheek and you latched your arms around Kylo's neck. You were so incredibly addicted to this man, even after everything he's done you, still cared about him. 

The two of you sat there in silence, breathing in unison, for minutes on end. While in his arms, you felt as if the two of you had morphed into one entity.

Kylo finally released you and his hand ghosted your cheek. You winced at his touch upon your broken skin. 

"Stay here." He rose up from the bed and headed to the bathroom. 

When he returned, he held a wet cloth and sat back onto the mattress. As he pressed it upon your face you jolted back slightly, but then relaxed, allowing him to clean the wound. 

You saw the emotion behind his eyes as he treated you. Even after such a brutal act like this...you couldn't cease your passion for him. You wanted to help him, to teach him the things he'd never learned. Anybody else would've seen him as a monster, as an abuser but he was neither of those to you. All you saw was a man who needed guidance and you could give him that if he just let you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided I'm taking this in the Ben Solo direction eventually. That was not my original plan but I feel like it would be a better fit for this fic! 
> 
> So, in this chapter I wanted to show the relationship y/n has with Kylo and why she can't let him go. She's addicted to him, and she wants to help him. 
> 
> I also wanted to show how much Kylo is struggling with his own feelings towards y/n. As you can see the conflict is so significant that it's causing his mood swings, which are becoming very problematic. Yes I'm aware that the slapping scene was a little intense but I wanted to portray that it took physically hurting y/n in order for Kylo to finally realize that his feelings for you are valid. 
> 
> (Kylo & y/n's relationship is toxic. Y/n wants to ultimately help him but Kylo won't let her get close enough to do that. I hope their relationship isn't too confusing due to the constant mood swings but that's how I feel Kylo Ren would act irl.)
> 
> (Kylo is starting to become more aware of his feelings for y/n but can't accept them because he's afraid if he does, he'll become weak and snoke may kill y/n because of it.)
> 
> Announcement: The violent scene in this chapter can very much relate to real life domestic abuse and toxic relationships. I'm in no way romanticizing those issues, I understand the severity and they're not to be taken lightly. So please, if you ever feel stuck or scared to ask for help, call this number for support: 1-800-799-7233. Ily all stay safe XOXO


	27. You’re My Weakness

As Kylo finished cleaning your face, the white cloth was soaked with the reminisce of his violent act. He discarded of it and retrieved the clothing you'd originally showed up in, handing it to you and dressing himself as well. After he was decent, he plopped down on the bed and stared you blankly in the face. 

"Kylo...please. Don't get mad. Just let me ask you, what happened, why didn't- why didn't you stop?" 

Kylo took a deep breath in.

"I don't know."

"Kylo. Please, talk to me." You stared up at him with wide eyes. 

He let out a sigh. 

"I- I was distracted. Frustrated. By my thoughts." 

"W- what kind of thoughts...?" You were cautious with your tone, making sure not to provoke any anger in him. 

Kylo's hand traveled up to his jaw, rubbing it in distress. 

"Things from my past, that's all." 

"Oh." You wish he would've shared a little more with you. 

"Kylo...you can't hit me to that extent ever again...ever, okay?" 

"I know." Kylo's head dropped in shame. 

You felt like a fool, helping him, comforting him, asking about his feelings...but you didn't want to leave him, you couldn't leave him. You knew deep down, there was a person in there...someone that Kylo used to be...and you were determined to find that person. 

"What are you afraid of?" Your tone was soft. 

"...What do you mean?" He looked up with confusion. 

"Why do you treat me the way you do...why don't you ever show me any real affection?" 

He failed to respond. 

"Hello?" You leaned into closer to him. 

"Because, I- I cant." He shook his head, raising his voice slightly. 

"But why?" 

"You're- you're my weakness." He began to run his digits through his locks. 

"What?" A lump grew in your throat. 

"You'll break me. You're already breaking me." His eyes shut tightly.

Holy shit...had Kylo really just said that? 

"I- I don't know what to say." You were genuinely speechless. 

"Don't say anything." Kylo rose from the mattress. 

"It's getting late, I'm heading to bed soon. You should do the same." He grabbed what looked to be black sweats and a black sweatshirt, from his bag. 

"O- okay." You got up from the bed and retrieved your pajamas from the bag you'd packed.

The two of you changed and you headed into the bathroom to wash up. Never in your life had you worn this much makeup and you only hoped it'd come off with ease. 

When you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror you leaned in to examine your cheek, it wasn't as bad as you thought it was, you'd be fine. But for now...it was a reminder of how...violent Kylo could get, and that scared you. 

You washed off your makeup, carefully avoiding the affected area of broken skin. After patting your face dry, you were luckily only left with a few traces of mascara, which didn't really bother you. 

When you entered back into the room, Kylo was laying on the bed with his stomach facing up towards ceiling. He appeared conflicted, shifting to rest on his side as you crept closer. You made your way to the opposite side and slowly slipped underneath the covers, turning your back towards Kylo. 

Your eyes remained open for many, many minutes, as you were unable to fall asleep. The only thing that filled your mind was the impassioned sentence that Kylo had spoken before, "You're my weakness." To hear those words, from...him, it was heart wrenching, and you weren't sure why. You should've been happy that he'd finally opened up to you...but he seemed so pained while saying it, and that pained you. But the feeling of wanting to be near him, never departed from your thoughts. You still wanted to be with him. Even laying directly next to him, he was still so far away. All you wanted was to feel him. 

You scooted the slightest bit towards Kylo and he rolled over, now facing you. He'd felt your movement. 

Your heads laid on the fluffy hotel pillows while you both blinked steadily. You were caught in his passionate gaze, drawn in by the force and pressure building in those damnable eyes. There was such an unbreakable spark between you two, no matter where you went...or what you did, it never failed to impact your senses tremendously. You felt it, and you knew he felt it too. 

Suddenly Kylo's arm began to stretch out, it traveled to rest upon your pillow. There was a clear and open pocket for you to snuggle up next to him, but you weren't so sure if you should. You were frozen, trying to decide what was the right thing to do in this moment, you didn't want to upset him. 

He glared at you with glistening pupils and nodded. That slight nod had such a profound meaning behind it...Kylo appeared to be accepting you. 

You didn't hesitate to slide up next to him and rest your head upon his large frame. 

His arm cradled you, while his other hand made it's way to your back. He crept up your shirt and began to trace your spine with only his fingertips. Just as you thought this was the closest you'd get...Kylo's other hand found your head and began to pull you even closer. 

He may have truly hurt you before, but now he held you as if you were the most precious thing in his world. The way his body felt underneath yours, warm and tamed. If hearts could explode, your's was on the verge of detonating. This is all you'd ever wanted from him, just this meant so much. 

As your ear hovered upon his chest, you heard his elevated heart beat and it weakened your stomach...you were so utterly shocked at the moment you were experiencing. It all felt like a fever dream, being here on Canto Bight with Kylo...having dinner with him...laying with him so peacefully. You were overcome with such a cozy and tranquil feeling, being held in his arms like this. You felt that absolutely nothing and nobody in the entirety of this galaxy, could harm you...as long as you were with Kylo. 

You began to shut your eyes, feeling like you could finally rest. But three sudden words had penetrated your calm state of mind, 

"I'm sorry Angel." Kylo whispered and laid a single kiss upon your head. 

You nearly dissolved right there into the mattress...

"I- it's okay." You nestled your head into the crevice of his neck and shoulder. 

Despite his behavior earlier, you'd made a breakthrough with his emotions tonight...finally.

You drifted off to sleep, tangled up with Kylo in the thick sheets. 

When you woke you were in the same position you'd fallen asleep in, except one thing was missing...Kylo. 

You wiped your eyes, scanning the room for any sign of him. While you came to your senses, the sound of trickling water filled your ears. He was in the shower...with the door cracked open. 

You needed to take one anyways...so why not join him? 

You rose from the bed and stripped, leaving a trail of your clothing that lingered on the floor behind you. 

When you opened the bathroom door, clouds of steam escaped, rising up towards the ceiling and dancing in the open air. Your gaze fell upon Kylo's tall and toned body peaking through the glass shower door. You watched as he let the water collide with his sudsy skin. 

He whipped his head over his shoulder at the sound of your entrance, and immediately scanned your bare body with surprise. 

You slowly slid open the clear door and placed one foot in front of the other, splashing the bits of water that had collected on the shower floor. You entered the searing hot enclosure...eyes never leaving his. 

Leaning back under the stream of water, you wet your hair and body. While the water cascaded down your figure, you clutched the soap bottle, and poured a generous amount in your palm. Still facing Kylo, you intentionally massaged your breasts with the body wash, undoubtingly catching his attention even more. He took a step back and with slow deliberation, looked you up and down. His inspection seemed to last for hours, though it took only seconds for the air between the two of you to crackle. You urged to move toward him, to close the gap between you both. But you decided to stay rooted in your current stance. 

His finger rose up and skimmed your lips for a moment, only until he leaned in to cup your face. 

Kylo dove into the abyss that was your mouth, gliding his tongue past yours. Your lips plastered his and he kissed you in a way you'd never thought was possible. His digits ghosted your slick and dampened skin, finding their way to rest upon your ass, he sunk his claws deep into you. Your arms latched around his torso, directly beneath his sternum, and you raked both shoulder blades with hunger. Kylo pulled away and from your lips and sunk down. Beginning at your thighs, he kissed every square inch of your body. When you closed your eyes you felt he had many hands, which touched you everywhere, and many mouths, which passed so swiftly over you, and with a wolflike sharpness, his teeth sank into your fleshiest parts. You wanted him soldered to you, from mouth to feet, shivers passed through your bones.

Kylo rose back up and his hips immediately bucked into yours. You felt his bare, hardened length, pressing upon your cunt. He hungrily reclaimed your lips and a small, steady moan emerged from your mouth, traveling it's way into his. This provoked Kylo enough to pivot you completely, forcing your ass against his groin. His hands crept up from behind and began massaging your breasts. As he brushed your nipples with his thumbs, he left tiny and audible kisses along your neck. These were the deep kind of kisses that left very little room for thought, and they were affecting you significantly. You arched your back and leaned into him, eager for more of his touch. 

His grasp shifted to latch onto a bundle of your hair, pulling your head back to meet his. 

"So fucking desperate for your Commander's cock hmm?" 

Adrenaline engulfed your veins as you thought cautiously about what your reply should be. You wanted to avoid putting Kylo into another state of rage...

"Yes Commander." You shook your head eagerly. 

Kylo placed one hand on your shoulder and the other on your hip bone, scooting you back further and further into him. You soon felt the tip of his shaft brushing against your clit, causing you to become unstable, very quickly. His hand flew up to latch around your throat while the lips of your cunt encompassed his length. 

You craved to have him inside of you already. 

Just as you thought you couldn't endure anymore of his teasing, he plunged his dick inside your sex and began thrusting relentlessly. The sudden, delicious feeling that Kylo wanted you, filled you with just as much force as his hard cock did.

There was nothing but the sound of your gasps drawing him in, awakening something feral within. Whatever this was, it was pulling you in, the urgency of his length, consuming your core. You attempted to use both hands against the shower walls to steady yourself but Kylo had other plans. He snatched both your wrists, yanking them behind your back as he sunk deeper and deeper into you. Your lids shut tightly and you were drenched in delight. The toasty water running along your spine trickled down to meet Kylo's lower abdomen. The intimacy that was present, was not only collecting water, but it was collecting hot and heavy lust that emitted from both your pores. 

"Y- you feel so good...Commander." You emphasized the ending in a seductive tone. 

His frame pounded against yours and your body jerked forwards, inches away from the wall. 

"That's what I like to hear from my little slut." He grunted and laid a hard slap upon your ass. 

"Fuck, y-yes." You sunk your teeth into your lower lip and your knees began to buckle. As you slowly sank down towards the floor, Kylo grasped your waist, immediately pulling you back up. 

"Not just yet, i'm not done with you." He raked his fingers through your locks and grasped your throat with the other. 

Suddenly you felt the force massaging your clit at an unruly rate. He pumped into you, the length and level of his arousal brutal. Between the intensity of the force and Kylo's penetration, you quickly became defeated. Your entire body rocked back and fourth as the sound of your bodies colliding filled your ears. 

"Commander I-" you could barely speak do to his grip on your windpipe. 

Both hands latched around your waist, giving him better control over your body, and his dick reached the depths of your cunt at an unforgiving tempo. He hit your sweet spot and your eyes rolled back into your head. The strength of what was building was staggering. Your body would be blown to dust when your orgasm hit.

While letting out an animalistic moan, your hands met his and you sunk your digits into him, expressing your painful pleasure. 

"Sshit." Kylo mumbled. He never slowed his movement, only increasing his full, hard thrusts.

The two of your moans combined created the most glorious of sounds, raw, intense, absolutely erotic noises of gratification.

"C-commander may I- I please cum?" Your eyes fluttered as you managed to hold off your orgasm. 

Kylo dug his fingers into your sides, practically destroying your insides at this point. 

"PLEASE COMMANDER." You pleaded. 

"Cum on my cock Angel." He snapped his hips towards you and buried himself inside your sex. 

Your senses intensified while you sank into a pit of delectation. You shuddered against him, legs quaking with a convulsing body, you came directly on Kylo's dick. With ear tattering moans, every muscle was drawn taut...It was almost too much to handle. 

Almost. 

"Ffffuck." Kylo took a sharp breath in through his teeth and seconds after, his throbbing dick spilled his seed inside of you. 

As he pulled out, you both managed to catch your breaths and you turned to face him again. 

Kylo pulled you in close and titled your chin up to him, huffing as his chest rose and fell rapidly. He licked his lips, and cupped your face. Both thumbs traced your cheekbones and the length of his fingertips met near the nape of your neck.

"See what happens when you're a good girl? You get to cum." He nodded, speaking to you as if you were a child. 

You nodded back and batted your lashes while glaring up into his eyes. 

He released you and made his way under the stream of water. 

Now that you were actually going to shower, you began to massage your scalp with shampoo, watching as Kylo rinsed himself off completely. His back muscles contracted as he ran his digits through his wet hair and it created a whirlwind inside your chest. You continued to rinse and condition your hair, leaving your body last to wash. Kylo had finished before you, but still remained next to you, fixating upon your figure as you rinsed the last bit of soap off your skin. You rung your hair out and slid the door open, walking into what looked like a fog infused box. The mirror dripped with condensation as Kylo followed behind you. He first reached for a towel and handed it to you, then grabbed one for himself. You wrapped yourself up and entered back into the room. Kylo bypassed you with his towel hung low around his waist which was...a sight to say the least. You began to change into the extra clothes you had packed, as did he. 

"When are we leaving?" You finished slipping into your pants. 

"In a little bit...we'll eat, then we'll go." 

Thank the stars you were famished. 

"Okay." Your tone was soft. 

Room service finally came and you both ate a fulfilling breakfast whilst sitting on the bed. 

This was what you'd always wanted with Kylo and you wished you didn't have to depart from Canto Bight. Leaving meant returning to the Finalizer. Now that you'd gotten to see a different portion of the galaxy, you weren't ready to go back to your somewhat boring life, working as a nurse for the First Order. Of course you loved Lydia and Emerson, and you enjoyed your job, but it all got a bit tiring after a while. You really needed this long and overdue getaway...all you wanted was to stay here with Kylo...forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y/N is on birth control agh I can’t believe I forgot to mention that!!!


	28. Fight For Me

"We'll be leaving in a few minutes, gather your things." Kylo began to collect all of his belongings. 

"Okay." You grabbed the only bag you'd brought, and your gaze fixated upon the gifts Kylo had gotten you, sitting in a pile next to the bed. 

"Kylo...I- I can't bring these on the Finalizer...right?" You held up your stunning gown and shoes. 

"No, you can't. Leave them." His tone was stern. 

"But you- you spent so much on these..."

"It's fine, just leave them." He let out a sigh. 

You felt terrible, carelessly abandoning those beautiful items and leaving them to never be used again. You wished you could take them with you to show Lydia and Emerson, or even just to keep them for yourself. But you couldn't, so you placed them neatly on the bed with a demeanor of slight sorrow. 

As you finished packing up the rest of your things, you spotted the necklace Kylo had purchased for you. Why not throw this in your bag? It was small enough to hide and...no one would know. So you did just that, stuffing it in your makeup pouch. While doing so, you took a glance at your concealer and realized you should probably attempt to erase Kylo's outburst. This saddened you, it reminded you of what he'd done and what he was still capable of doing. But you proceeded to pat it into your skin, covering the harm you'd endured. 

You flung your bag over your shoulder and stood behind Kylo, waiting for him to exit the hotel room. As you strolled out the door, you took one last glance at your presents. They laid upon the same bed where Kylo had shown you such genuine affection. You'd most definitely miss this room to say the least. Even being here just a day was enough to get you attached. 

The door clicked shut and you walked directly next to Kylo, down the narrow hallway. 

"I know you took the necklace."

"I- it's just-" you stuttered, nervous that you had upset him. 

He cut your sentence short. 

"It's fine." Kylo glanced down at you, but he didn't appear angry, in fact he had a slight smirk across his face.

You smiled...he wasn't mad at you. 

As you strolled out into the bright daylight, Canto Bight appeared just as breathtaking as it did last night. The sun beamed off the high rise, circular buildings and the sky was an aesthetic shade of baby blue. You made your way to the Silencer and Kylo hopped in first, allowing you to then sit on his lap. While you plopped down onto him, you realized just how much your relationship had changed in one day. On the way here you were hesitant to let him lay his hands on you, but now...that's all you wanted. 

The ship took off and you peaked out the front window, looking down on Canto Bight. You were overcome with loss, so distraught to be leaving already. You soared through the air and wished that maybe Kylo would change his mind. That maybe he would turn around and head back, disregarding both your responsibilities on the Finalizer. But he never did. He only flew further and further towards your next destination, The Finalizer. 

"Thank you Kylo." You rubbed your palm on his outer thigh beneath you. 

"You're welcome." Kylo cleared his throat. 

It must've been an hour or two later after mild small talk with him, when you'd finally landed home. As your feet landed on the floor beneath you, you realized where you really were, unfortunately you weren't on Canto Bight anymore. Your head dropped down as Kylo briskly shifted to walk in front, leading the way back to the main floor. 

"Ezekiel knew we were arriving mid afternoon so, looks like you have another day off." Kylo looked down at you. 

"Oh, wow...that's good." You nodded. 

You weren't all that thrilled to return back to the Medbay so this was pleasing to hear. 

"Um, where did he think we went?" You were curious as to what Kylo had told him. 

"To Canto bight..." Kylo's tone was genuine.

"Oh he didn't...question it?" 

"No he didn't question me." Kylo kept his stare locked ahead. 

You'd almost forgotten who Kylo was for a second. 

"Right." You gave a slight grin. 

It felt so odd being with Kylo, out in the open like this. But you savored the gratifying moment, you certainly wouldn't be able to experience this everyday. 

When you were just about to reach the hallway that lead to your room, a familiar voice lurked from behind, stopping you and Kylo in your tracks. 

"Kylo Ren." 

It was Hux. 

You and Kylo both pivoted to face him. 

"General Hux." Kylo had a snarky tone.

"We've missed you, good to see that you've returned back from your...little vacation." Hux zeroed in on Kylo's eyes. 

"Is there something that you need?" Kylo moved in closer towards Hux. 

"Snoke wants to meet with you immediately. He says it's urgent." 

You quickly witnessed the expression on Kylo's face transform to raw fear. 

You'd heard stories about Supreme Leader Snoke but not many people had actually seen him, that included you. 

While looking up at Kylo, you furrowed your brows. He caught your gaze and took a deep breath in through his teeth. 

"Okay." Kylo nodded at Hux. 

"Great." Hux gave Kylo an artificial smile and shot daggers at you with his eyes, passing you both. 

You turned towards Kylo. 

"Why does Snoke want to see y-" 

"Don't worry about it. Just go back to room." Kylo was quickly off down the hall. 

You could tell something was off about his demeanor, he appeared to be in a state of slight panic. Whatever Snoke wanted, you assumed it wasn't all that positive. 

You made your way into your room and flung your body down onto your bed, letting your bag slip off and hit the floor below. As you let out an audible sigh, you reminisced on your time with Kylo and how special it was. You weren't ecstatic to be back, but you had no control over that. After all...this was your home. 

While laying with your arms dangling off the sides of the mattress, you heard a loud knock at your door. You shot up to open it, but before you could reach the knob, it flung open abruptly, almost hitting you in the face. Two men, enfolded with red shiny armor, lurched towards you and latch their gloved hands around your wrists. 

It all happened so fast, you had no idea what was going on. Their grasp tightened and now, you were in distress. Sweat began to arise on your hairline and your heart sunk down into the pit of your stomach. Your legs flailed and you attempted to scream but before you were able to, one of their hands sealed your mouth shut entirely. 

What the fuck was going on. 

[ Kylo’s POV ] 

Kylo entered the throne room for what felt like the tenth time in the last few months. As he approached Snoke's throne, he was immediately shot down onto his knees, against his own will. He lacked all sources of power and became completely helpless. 

"KYLO REN. YOU'VE FAILED ME." 

The merciless pressure of Snoke's force hold was excruciatingly painful, Kylo's head ached. He witnessed Snoke's finger shifting towards the floor and soon enough, Kylo was face down, with his arms spread wide, laying on the cold black tile. He attempted to speak but the only thing that emerged from his throat was a tiny grunt. 

"Look how weak you've become...all because of that GIRL." 

The Commander's eyes shut tightly as he realized why he was really here. Snoke knew about Canto Bight, he knew about Kylo opening up to you. He must've felt Kylo being pulled towards the light...because Kylo had felt it too. 

Kylo heard a muffling sound from behind him, he was unable to turn and find out where it was coming from, but soon enough...he knew. He could recognize that sound anywhere. 

It was you. 

Sheer panic set in and Kylo's veins were flowing with fury, you were trapped, and so was he. The Elite Praetorian Guards passed by him and Kylo gazed up to see the back of you, squirming...trying so hard to break free from their grasp. 

Kylo gritted his teeth and his entire frame shook with rage. 

Snoke was going to kill you. 

"Oh I'm not the one that will be taking her life...You are." Snoke sneered. 

Kylo's jaw hit the floor and his digits began to rake the tile that he laid upon. He was outraged, nauseated, absolutely beside himself. 

Suddenly, Snoke released him from the force hold and Kylo scrambled to stand back up. Breathing heavily, he clenched his fists while his brow twitched in angst. The guards pivoted towards him, sinking their fingers into your petite wrists as you yelped. They savagely forced you down onto your knees in front of Kylo. 

Your precious, tear filled eyes punctured Kylo's conscience...you were quaking with dread. The memory of your warm and comforting frame, encompassing his body that night on Canto Bight, clouded his judgment. You made his heart ache in every way possible, he'd never had such passionate feelings towards another human being before. There was something about you that liquified soul. He felt as if you were the only one who's ever understood him, the only one that's ever given him purpose...and the only one to ever make him feel alive. It seemed you wanted him for him, that you didn't care about the baggage he carried...Kylo finally felt wanted by someone. 

"Kill the girl Ren." Snoke's tone was vicious. 

Kylo's teeth sunk into his lower lip as he ignited his saber. 

[ Your POV ] 

"Please, Kylo..." you whispered. A single tear trickled down your face and your lips quivered. 

Kylo slowly raised his saber, hands trembling around the base of it. He shut his eyes and clenched his jaw, multiple veins arose on his neck and forehead. The sweat pooling on his face trickled down as he took his final breath of courage. 

Kylo's entire body convulsed and all the blood his anatomy carried, traveled up to fill his face. He appeared as if he were being possessed by a foreign entity, filled with resentment. Suddenly an ear piercing scream emerged from the depths of his throat. Quicker than light speed he dropped his saber and it clattered onto the floor. His hands flew up and his fingers curled as he aimed for the ceiling above Snoke's throne. The guards darted towards Kylo with determination to kill, but sparks of red, electric bolts unleashed from both Kylo's palms. They flew back and collided with the surrounding walls. 

This entire time Kylo had been resisting Snoke's insanely powerful stream of blue, zapping light, how?...you didn't know. But Kylo continued to grunt and yell as saliva seeped out the crevices of his lips. It ran down his beet red neck and his hands quaked with the force. With one last vibrating scream, Kylo's arms ripped down to meet his sides. 

In an instant the ceiling overhead the throne had cracked, crumbling forcefully on top of Snoke. 

Kylo yanked you back, pulling you down onto the floor. His body shielded yours from any fragments that flew your way. He panted with exhaustion and you could feel his pulsating heart beat, you knew he was strained of all the strength his body retained. You latched your arms around one another's frame, beginning to sync the breaths you were claiming and releasing. 

After the chaos subsided, Kylo slowly sat back up. Still kneeling, he kept you in his arms. He compressed you to his chest and you both gaped at the ruins of the throne room. Everyone was dead...Snoke was dead, the only thing that remained was his dismantled body. The gaurds laid sprawled out on the floor with puddles of blood escaping their helmets, the impact had killed them instantly. 

You turned to Kylo and he was already facing you, staring at you with distraught eyes. He had saved you...he sacrificed his power, his life for you. 

Your digits immediately encompassed his head and he too pulled you in by the nape of your neck. Your lips collided and an overwhelming feeling of victory and freedom radiated throughout the air. Kylo was still trembling, enervated from the traumatic event you both had just endured. You pulled away and your gazes locked in a state of endearment. He searched your face, seeking refuge and suddenly, the corners of Kylo's mouth flipped upwards...he was smiling. Not a smirk, not a grin...a genuine, beaming smile. Your face transformed to match his expression and you both let out a soft laugh filled with relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m a SUCKER for Ben Solo hehe 
> 
> I just wanted to clear a few things up in case any of you were confused. I was originally gonna make the part w Snoke like the fight in tlj but a similar fic had that as its storyline and I wanted to steer clear of any more issues with the author. Yes, Kylo still has his powers, but it took a lot of strength to kill Snoke, in order to save Y/N. 
> 
> And Kylo was able to make the ceiling collapse on Snoke's big fat ugly head, squashing him like a lil bug and also all the gaurds are dead 🥰🥳 
> 
> So YES Kylo killed everyone in the throne room except Y/N obvi XOXO


	29. Know Your Place

As both your smiles began to fade, Kylo assisted you in getting up off the floor.

You glanced up at him with concern, sweat drenched his head and all the color had drained from his face.

"Kylo, are- are you okay?" 

"I'm fine." His voice was hoarse. 

"W- what the hell was that about?" 

"Nothing it's, it's over with." He shook his head. 

The two of you weaved through the obstacles of rocks and crumbles that had broken off from the ceiling.

"Oh...it seemed pretty serious considering he wanted you to kill me." 

Kylo halted mid step. 

"Did you actually think I would- " Kylo looked down at you. 

"No I-" you stuttered. 

He grasped your jaw

"Don't be so ignorant."

"O-okay." Your head sunk down.

"So what happens now...?" Your pitch was cautious.

"He's dead...and now I'll take his place as Supreme Leader. Nothing will be happening in regards of consequences if that's what your concerned about." Kylo scoffed. 

"Okay...but I have to ask, specifically why did he want me dead?" 

"He knew about Canto Bight...about us leaving to visit. That kind of stuff never sat right with him." 

"How the f- wait, do you think Hux...." you stopped mid sentence. 

"No. I would've sensed it when we spoke earlier. He's one ginger bastard but he isn't stupid enough to betray me." 

"Oh." You trusted Kylo's intuition.

You and Kylo exited the throne room, leaving behind a world of disaster. 

"Can I...come back to your quarters?" You sounded shy. 

"No."

"Oh um..." you became slightly embarrassed for asking. 

"I have a scheduled meeting with Hux to discuss some...issues later on. I've been waiting on this even before our departure to Canto Bight." 

"...like?" Your pitch was high. 

"It's confidential to the First Order, I cannot release information that sensitive." 

"But it's me..." 

"I know. Still." His tone was harsh. 

You wondered why Kylo didn't trust you, after everything that's happened, he still didn't trust you? Unfortunately there was nothing you could do to make him speak up so you left it at that. 

The two of you eventually made it to your room and he immediately took off after you'd made it inside. For just saving someone's life, he sure was in a fucking hurry.

[ Kylo’s POV ] 

Kylo made it back to his quarters and slammed the door shut following his entrance. Now he was the Supreme Leader, and he'd just gained an emense amount of new responsibilities. Anything and everything that related to the First Order was his business even more so now. But Kylo was ready, being the new Supreme Leader would make him even more powerful, it would hopefully balance out some of the strengths you'd managed to take away from him. 

His meeting with Hux was set to discuss some recent conflict between the First Order and a specific individual, Jarik Keona/his affiliates, living on Batuu. Kylo had been waiting on a very important order of mechanical and technological parts belonging to the First Order's Death Star Super Laser, that'd mysteriously surfaced at Black Spire Outpost. He was determined to have them returned to the First Order, but Jarik and his team weren't the most compliant group. They weren't holding up their end of the bargain considering the First Order had already paid an abundance of credits in advance. Kylo was outraged to begin with since Jarik was forcing him to pay a fee on what belonged to the First Order. The issue needed to be resolved and that's what Hux and Kylo planned on canvassing. Despite their hatred for one another, they would be forced to work together and sort this mess out.

[ Your POV ] 

It'd been hours since you last saw Kylo and you just woke from a long nap. As you sat up and yawned, your wrist ached from being tucked under your face the entire time. You slowly hopped out of bed and went into the bathroom to take a glance at your appearance. Multiple hairs stuck up in a disorderly fashion and your eyes were a bit puffy...not too bad for such a heavy slumber. 

As much as you tried not to...you kind of missed Kylo. You were curious as to what this "meeting" with Hux entailed...and why he couldn't tell you about it. He was probably there by now, and you couldn't help but wonder what was so important. You had no where to be, nothing to do, so you figured you'd attempt to find out...standing outside of Hux's office. There was no way they'd hear you if you were cautious enough. 

You smoothed out your clothes, slipped on your shoes and were out the door. As you headed down the hall, a pinch of nerves set in but you attempted to reassure yourself, you'll be fine...just don't get caught. 

You finally reached Hux's office and attentively lingered on one side of the doorway, being extra careful to not expose yourself. Trying your hardest to listen through the large metal door, you heard mostly muffled noises, but you were able to make out a few distinct sentences. 

"And what's our next move after that? Just let them think they've overruled the First Order? We must move in and take what is rightfully ours." Kylo spat. 

"What you're failing to understand is, these people are most likely expecting us, we have to be wary. If we plan on confronting them it must be done correctly." Hux's tone was stern. 

What the fuck were they talking about?

Suddenly the quick pitter patter of shoes came running up behind you, 

"Hey, how was your trip? I've missed you!" It was Emerson and she was anything but discreet about seeing you there.

"SHHH." You quickly grabbed her and pulled her aside. 

"What's wrong?" She furrowed her brows. 

"Hi I- I'm sorry I just didn't want them hear you, I'm really not supposed to be he-"

The door swung open and Hux's head poked out. 

"What in the galaxy are you doing out here?" He zeroed in on you. 

"I- no it's-" 

"Ren, I believe you have a visitor..." 

Kriff.

Kylo made his way out of the room and locked eyes with you. 

"Why are you here?" He grabbed your arm firmly and began walking a few feet away from the office. 

"I- I just wanted to know what you were tal- I'm sorry." 

"You can't respect my privacy?"

"Kylo I said I was sor-"

"I don't care. You're not supposed to be here." 

"O-ok." You hung your head low. 

"Know your place." Kylo waved his finger in your face.

You nodded. 

"I don't have any more time to discuss this now, wait for me in my quarters." His tone was stern. 

"What..?" 

"Go." He released his hold on you and slightly urged you forwards. 

You quickly whipped your head around to see Emerson and Hux gawking at you in confusion. 

"I'll talk to you later" you mouthed to Emerson and waved, then you were on your way. 

Why was he so mad? You really didn't think it was that big of a deal, they just seemed to be talking about rubbish. This plan of yours was definitely not worth getting caught, you should've just minded your own business like Kylo had implied. 

You carried on to his quarters and the Knights of Ren thankfully granted you access after you explained Kylo's orders. 

You plopped down onto his bed and began daydreaming about what your life would be like if you lived on Canto Bight with him. There was nothing else to do considering Kylo was taking his sweet time. 

Thirty minutes later he came bursting through the door, thankfully interrupting your thoughts of absolute nonsense. 

"Took you long enough." Your tone was playful and jokingly. 

When Kylo reached you, he immediately snatched your jaw and titled your face to look up at him. 

"You think this is a game?"

"N-" you were confused. 

"What is wrong with you? When I tell you something is private it's for a reason. You think it's okay to be sneaking around where you don't belong?" Kylo stammered. 

"Ok...geez I- I was just curio-"

"That still gives you NO right." He began to raise his voice at you.

"Why are you so mad?" You furrowed your brows. 

"Because you didn't follow my orders. I thought we established that a while ago." 

"Kylo, I'm sorry..."

"I don't think you are...or else you wouldn't have done it to begin with." 

"I am." You looked up at him with apologetic eyes.

"Show me." 

"What?" 

"Show me how sorry you really are..." he narrowed in on you. 

"What the fuck do you mea-" You were instantly shot to your knees mid sentence.

"Show. Me." Kylo proceeded to unleash his length.

"Wow I- o- ok" you were caught off guard. 

Quickly grasping it, you placed your mouth around it's circumference. 

Kylo grunted as he immediately began thrusting your mouth. 

Globs of saliva draped low from your chin as you choked on his shaft. His fingers jabbed into your scalp and he painfully tugged on your locks. As Kylo's dick ventured the depths of your throat you hummed, enduring his roughness. 

"I know you can do better than that sweetheart." 

With one hard push Kylo plunged himself even deeper into your mouth and you gagged on his throbbing sex. You were determined to fulfill Kylo's needs, showing him sorry you really were. With both hands you latched yourself around his shaft and consumed all of him, head bobbing up and down as your tongue danced on the tip and underside of his cock. The slurping sounds emitting from your mouth grew louder and louder. Around and around you swirled, drinking in his scent, drinking in his reaction, until you felt his cock trembling beneath you. 

"Mmm." Kylo tightened his grip on your hair and tugged, you let out a muffled yelp at his strength. 

He didn't let up, only sinking deeper and fucking your mouth harder. While you continued to kneel, you suddenly felt the force caressing both your nipples and soon enough, moving to massage your clit. Your legs shook and you increased the suction on his dick tremendously. You were starving for more pressure of the force. 

"Such a dirty girl." His fingers raked through your hair. 

You released his length for a millisecond, gasping for air...but he relentlessly dove back into your mouth. 

"You stop when I fucking tell you to." Kylo gritted his teeth. 

You attempted to answer, but nothing except babbled words emitted. He jerked his hips, absolutely burying himself into your throat. Kylo took a sharp breath in through his teeth as your moans vibrated on his cock. 

He quickly removed himself from your mouth, 

"Strip. Then get up on the bed." 

You obliged as he too removed all of his surrounding layers. 

Pressing your knees together, you laid back, sex still quivering from the sensation that'd ceased. Kylo climbed into the bed and immediately pried your legs apart. 

He coated his finger tip with spit and began precisely stroking your clit with one single digit.

"Look at that pretty pussy..." He switched fingers, now massaging your clit with his thumb, your body twitched from the abrupt switch in pressure. 

You cooed as his motion steadied and he purposely slicked your wetness over your folds. Nearly crumbling while his finger flicked over it, you gasped loudly as he continued to play with you. 

"Mm you like that don't you?" 

"Y-yes." Your breath shuddered. 

Kylo removed his fingers from your sex and with one deep thrust, his glistening shaft was buried to the hilt inside of you. Your digits flew onto his back and you let out a loud moan. The depth of his penetration made your head swim and you were submerged in delectation. You wrapped your legs up and over his hips as he began to rock, the head of his dick gliding back and forth right where you wanted it. You gasped and gripped the sheets as your body stretched to accommodate him. The feel of him was growing more and more familiar. 

Kylo swooped down, pinning both wrists onto the mattress, kissing you hungrily. Your mouth opened to the invasion of his tongue as easily as your body accepted the plunge of his possession. You couldn't stop the rolling blast of release spiraling through your anatomy. He rewarded your moans with his mouth, consuming you like fire. His tongue stroked in long, slow licks, curling in a slick promise at the hard center of your pleasure. You lifted your hips to meet his remarkable thrusts and he let out a low moan. His breath came out in a warm puff of air that grazed your cheek like a delicate kiss.

As he released his restraint on you and gained a steady tempo, you raked your claws into his pecs, eventually traveling down to ghost his abs. You clamped your legs around his waist, driving him further into you until your sweat-slick bodies were sliding together. Kylo's finger's found your lips and aggressively yanked your jaw down, forcing an opening. He gathered his saliva and impudently spit directly in your mouth. As he forced your mouth shut, he stared at you with debilitating eyes. 

"Swallow." 

You obeyed and blinked heavily while consuming his warm liquid. Kylo's stamina was increasing by the second and you were struggling to keep up.

"Sshit." You cried out.

"Are you sorry yet?" He aggressively snatched your throat. 

"I- I don't k- know, am I?" You purposely provoked him, attempting to speak steadily through your moans. 

Kylo let out a soft laugh and abruptly pulled out of you.With determination, he retrieved the belt to his black attire that laid on the floor. You arched your back significantly as he flipped you over onto your stomach.

His leather belt collided with the skin on your ass and you yelped, jerking towards the headboard, the sensation left you yearning for more of his discipline. He repeated the same action, adding more force each time, again, and again, until you were violently shaking and your skin was painfully throbbing. Kylo collected your hair from behind and yanked your head back to meet his eyes, 

"Are. You. Sorry?" His grasp on your locks tightened. 

"Y-yes." Your voice shook. 

He assaulted your skin once more and you screeched. 

"...Yes what?" 

"Y-yes commander." You panted. 

*whack* 

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" you lurched forwards. 

He pulled your head back even more, bringing your ear to his lips, and whispered,

"It's Supreme Leader."

You'd forgotten about his recent title change, geez could he cut you some fucking slack...?

His hands latched around your throat and he relentlessly sunk back into you, reaching your guts with his length. You let out a squeal as your knees nearly gave out. 

"Apologize formally to your Supreme Leader." His tone was sinister like. 

"I- I'm sorry Supreme Leader." 

His arms encompassed your waist completely as he began thrusting at a rapid pace. 

"Good girl." Kylo cooed. 

"Ffuck yes." You cried out as he continued to reach the depths of your abdomen. 

You felt yourself beginning to reach the peak on your pleasure rollercoaster. 

"You feel so fucking good my little Angel." Kylo's hips met your ass as he grasped your breasts from behind. 

Your orgasm was beginning to approach at a hasty speed,

"Ss- supreme leader may I p-please cum." Your teeth sunk into your lower lip

He didn't acknowledge your request. 

"SUPREME LEADER MAY I PL-" 

"Do NOT yell at me." He laid a recklessly hard slap on your ass.

"I- I'm sorry." Your throat and tongue were dryer than the Sahara.

"But may I p- please cum, Supreme Leader." You pleaded. 

"Apologize again." 

"IM SORRY SS-SUPREME LEADER, MAY I PLEASE CUM?" 

He wrapped two sections of your hair around his wrists and tugged remorselessly, 

"What the fuck did I say about the yelling my dear?" 

"I-I'm sorry. P- please Supreme Leader. May I c-cum?" 

"Yes." He murmured. 

Your head immediately flew back and your orgasm was torn out of you, an audibly loud cry escaped, expressing your relief. You sensed his frame quaking behind you and his body shifted as he soon planted his seed inside your cunt. The white-hot pleasure bloomed throughout your body, spreading outward until even your fingers and toes tingled with it. You gasped and finally collapsed back onto the mattress. 

Kylo removed himself from your sex and flipped you back around. Now lying on your back, you both swallowed while you managed to steady your breaths, wiped out from the intense sensation you'd both just experienced. 

Kylo turned to face you, 

"I hope you've learned your lesson..." 

"I have." You licked your lips and wiped the sweat beads from your forehead. 

"Good." He shot up from the bed and retrieved your clothing, then his own. 

After getting dressed you both laid, sprawled out on the disarranged bed. 

"I'm leaving for a trip to Batuu tomorrow." Kylo's tone was firm.

"What? Why?" You turned and furrowed your brows at him. 

"Maybe you'd know since you were eavesdropping?" His tone was snarky. 

"I- I didn't hear that much...so why are you leaving?" 

"I have to discuss some payment issues with a small group stationed there." 

"Can I- can I come with you...please?" You looked at him with wide eyes. 

"No." He sighed. 

"But why?" 

"Because I said so...and you have work." 

"Cmon...can't tell Ezekiel to give me another day off?"

"I don't know y/n." 

"So it's not a no?!" You jumped up. 

"I said I don't know. Let me think about it." He tensely rubbed his jaw. 

"Okay." You nodded. 

It was nearing dinner time and you were starving for even the least appetizing glob of food from the cafe; anything would suffice at this point. 

"I'm gonna go grab some dinner." I guess...I'll see you tomorrow?" 

"My dinner should be arriving shortly...stay." 

A smile grew on your face as the words escaped his lips. 

"O-okay." You shifted closer towards him on the mattress. 

"Kylo..." 

"Hmm?" He furrowed his brows. 

"Why- why did you kill Snoke for me? I thought you needed him, you know for...guidance?" 

"I don't need him...I have you." He tucked a piece of your unkempt hair behind your ear.


	30. My Pretty Girl

There was a sudden knock at the door and Kylo shot up from the bed. It appeared to be a woman delivering his dinner; he retrieved his food, and brought over the tray, soon revealing the platter.

"What's that..." you gestured to the meat. 

"Roasted porg." Kylo began to slice up the dish of food. 

"Oh I've, I've never had that...can I try so-" 

"Here." Kylo moved the fork to your mouth, implying he'd feed you. You latched your mouth around the metal, slid your lips back off, then began chewing. 

"My stars, do you get gourmet food like this all the time?" You let out a small giggle. 

"I wouldn't call it "gourmet" it's just a bird..." he let out the tiniest laugh. 

"I mean still...it's good. I'm assuming you've never tried the repulsive food they serve us down at the cafe?" You looked up at him. 

"No, I haven't." He gave you a closed mouth smile. 

"Exactly..." you nodded once and shrugged your shoulders. 

Kylo continued to feed you tenderly as the two of you sat on the edge of the mattress. 

"So, Batuu...can I go?" You batted your lashes at him. 

"I'm not so sure about that..." 

"Why not?" You whined slightly. 

"Because, the people I'm dealing with...they're not safe. I just don't want you anywhere near them." He placed the empty plate back down onto the tray. 

"But what if I stay on the ship while you talk to them? They won't even know I'm there, I promise..." 

"I don't know Y/N." He rubbed his jaw. 

"Pleaseee." You looked up at him eagerly and ran your hand along his thigh. 

Kylo's palm caressed your head and circled back around to brush his thumb on your cheekbone. 

"Fine." He let out a sigh.

"YES!" You jumped up and latched around his frame, your sudden force caused the two of you to fall backwards onto the mattress. 

Whilst straddling him, your gaze roamed wildly to meet his precious eyes. Heat danced up your back to then penetrate your chest and neck; blood roared in your ears, accelerated by the desire blasting through you. You swiftly planted a soft, sincere kiss upon his plump lips and your hand rested on his broad chest, observing the vibrations of his racing heart. His hand found yours and your digits interlock. You saw the slightest smile form on his irresistible face and within seconds he'd flipped you onto your back, forcing himself on top. 

His fingers swept across the side of your face, brushing a few stray hairs out of the way. He grasped the back of your head, lifting it to meet his lips, then placed a delicate kiss upon your forehead. 

"My pretty girl." His longing eyes shifted back and fourth, analyzing every feature on your face. 

Your eyes welled with minuscule tears as you realized just how much Kylo truly meant to you...and how much it seemed you meant him. Time stopped as you both shared a lengthy moment of intimacy. The powerful stare the two of you were trapped in, seemed as if it could move mountains, ignite fires; it appeared you had a bond that would never compare to anyone else's. He stole one last, warm and passionate kiss from your lips, then rose from the mattress. You sat there and rehashed the influential feeling that'd overcome you not even two seconds ago. 

"Come." He gestured to the bathroom. 

You shot up and followed his lead. 

As soon as you entered, he began running a hot shower. You slipped out of your clothes and caught him stealing a glimpse of your naked figure in the mirror. You waited for the temperature to increase, standing there as two bare entity's, close enough to hold a book in between your frames. He slid the door open and entered with you right by his side. Kylo took a step back and let you rinse yourself off first, observing how the stream of water trickled down your body. You alternated positions and he wet his luscious black hair, it'd slicked all the way back, revealing even more of his heavenly face. You lathered your hair with shampoo and followed up with a dollop of with conditioner. Afterwards, you grabbed a washcloth and some body wash; Kylo quickly snatched them out of your hands. 

"Hey, why'd you-." You furrowed your brows at him. 

"Turn around." He began to drench the rag in soap.

"Oh." You pivoted, backside now facing him. 

You felt the sudden sensation of suds arising on your skin as Kylo tended to your body. He ran the cloth along your shoulders, arms and back, slowly making his way down to your tailbone. He finally reached your ass and glided over the the mound, grasping it firmly while still washing you. Kylo leaned behind you, hand still placed on your butt, and brought his lips to your ear. 

"This ass is all mine...you're mine. Never forget that." His hot breath tickled your moist neck and your breath shuddered at your sudden arousal. You immediately spun around and laid your hand upon his lubricous chest; sinking down to his abs as your digits ghosted his toned core. Lower and lower you crept until you finally latched onto his hardened length, sensing the heat with your hand; you looked up at him with lustful eyes and flashed him a sultry smirk. As your hand ran along his shaft with increasing speed, your teeth sunk into your lower lip.

Kylo took a sharp breath in through his teeth and abruptly flipped you back around, pinning you to the shower wall. You let out a small yelp as your body collided with the cold tile. He yanked your hips out, pulling your ass towards him and abruptly sunk his teeth into your bare skin. Feeling the delicious pain of the bite made you twitch, your knuckles became white as you scratched at the wall. You waited for what you knew, for what you expected, what you wanted to come. He laid a hard slap upon your butt and you jerked forwards. Passion overrode every ounce of self-preservation you both had. Heat flashed a wave of want over your chest and burst into an aching demand between your legs. Suddenly, the tip of his throbbing dick, parted the lips of your cunt gingerly, as if you were a delicate flower that might fall apart. He reached your buzzing clit and you spasmed at the sensation. You cooed while falling into a deep state of delight.

"You like when your Supreme Leader's cock rubs against that little clit, don't you?" He urged you forwards even more; your cheek collided with the wall as he increased the pressure of his length upon your sex. 

"Yes Supreme Leader." You nodded excessively. 

Kylo quickly latched his hand around your throat and let the tip of his tongue run a steady trail, starting from your shoulders and halting just before your earlobe. 

"What a naughty whore you are." He laid a reckless slap on your ass, then released his grasp before plunging into your sex. 

Clearly you both couldn't resist the urge to go for a second round today...

The two of you fucked a flame into being. As he thrusted, something awoke in you, new strange thrills rippling inside of your anatomy. Rippling, like an overlapping of soft flames, soft as feathers, running to points of brilliance, exquisite and melting you into molten. It was like bells rising up and up to a culmination. You let out a wild cry as his brutal length pumped in and out of your channel. Kylo explored the soapy-slick valley between your breasts, hands gliding over your hardened nipples, then moving up to twirl a bundle of your hair around his wrist with one hand...other encompassing your waist. Straining farther and farther into you, his warm, hard shaft sent pins and needles echoing throughout your entire body. 

"Ffuck m-me, S-Supreme Leader." Your eyes began to shift back into the depths of your cranium. 

"Louder my pretty girl." He grunted and thrusted faster, and harder. Much...harder. 

"Fuck me Supreme L-leader." 

"LOUDER." Kylo ferociously snapped his hips forwards. 

"FUCK M-ME SUPREME LEADER." You cried out. 

His chin rested on your shoulder for a split second while he yanked your hair back, giving him better access to your ear.

"Look at my precious slut...begging for me." He scoffed. 

Another animalistic moan crept up from your throat and bounced off the shower walls; adrenaline flew through your system to leave you sweaty and chilled at once.

"S-supreme Leader, I- I'm, I don't know if i can-" 

"Take it." He recklessly obliterated your insides. 

"FFUCK." Your entire body began to tense up at the torturous but fulfilling feel of his shaft. 

His hand soon reached around your frame and landed on your swollen clit. He circled and stroked, all the arousal that'd been building, centered and magnified. You trembled with desire as your knees weakened beneath you. You felt your wetness increasing with each subtle motion of his length gliding in and out of you. He took your clit between his thumb and index finger, squeezing with determination. The pressure was so good, so intense. His slightly rough textured hand, stroking your nub nearly killed you, but the friction of his flesh inside yours was life giving.

"Supreme Leader, may I please cum?" The words spilled out of your mouth. 

He rapidly increased his speed against your clit and your entire body spasmed while engulfing his rock hard dick. Your anatomy was heavy, aching, just waiting to reach your peak. 

"Supreme Leader, p-please, may I PLEASE cum." You cried out. 

"Yes." 

The approval sent a chilling satisfaction directly to your cunt and you came apart under his hand. 

"Ohh K-Kylo, fuckkkk." Your legs shook and you tried your hardest to root yourself to the ground. 

As you rode the wave of orgasm, Kylo eased further inside you and your body loosened up, taking him in and clinging to his sex with pleasure. He choked back a moan, encompassed your waist with his arms, then released his cum inside your channel.

"Shhitt." His voice shook through his teeth and he plunged into you one last time, even further. 

Your heart lurched knowing where he semen now flowed.

"Ffuck, b- baby." You babbled. 

Kriff. 

Did you just...did you just call him fucking baby? Were you dumb?

He pulled out and whipped you around by your shoulders. You witnessed his eyes flick downwards to meet yours and the two of you were buckled into an overwhelming trance. 

"I-I didn't mean t-" 

Kylo interrupted your sentence by cupping your face and sealing your lips with a passionate kiss. He pulled back and gazed at you with a forgiving expression. 

Not a single word was said following that, you both went about your business and finished showering. After changing into one of Kylo's oversized, black tee-shirts you turned to him, 

"Do you want me to go back to my r-" 

"No." He cut you off. 

"Ok." A slight smile formed on your face and you joined him underneath the fluffy covers. 

You laid there, afraid to make any move that might discourage him. He turned to you, encircled your waist, then pulled you next to his warm frame. Your hands collided with his broad chest and you gazed up at him with admiration. Your mind reeled, thoughts scrambling in and out before a single one could take hold. It was the little things like this that made your heart stir...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOFT KYLO IS MY WEAKNESS SRY!!! I’m currently working on two new fics, A modern Kylo professor x student one! And a Kylo x reader in which you’re his “personal assistant” hehe stay tuned I’ll keep you posted!! XOXO


	31. 31 Deepest Darkest Secret 31

You woke from your deep, revitalizing sleep and were met with the sight of Kylo getting dressed for the day. Before saying a word, you attentively observed as he slipped into his jet black cloak. It's fabric sat snug around his wide frame, accenting each curve in his torso. 

Every additional moment you spent in his company was beginning to grow more and more surreal, you'd never imagined to have such a passionate relationship with...Kylo Ren. But this was your life now and it was a never ending cycle of him consuming every ounce of you, your soul, your heart...no matter the occasion. But you were ok with that, you wanted it to remain that way...there was never a dull moment and that's what fed your undying addiction for him. 

"Morning." You stretched your frame out on his bed while rubbing your tired eyes. 

"Morning." He took a quick glance over his shoulder to acknowledge you.

"Did you tell Ezekiel I was leaving today?" You hoped Ezekiel hadn't grown to dislike you considering your recent absence within the medbay. 

"Yeah, he said it's fine...apparently Noah is moving up significantly since you've been absent." His tone was straight forward. 

"What?" You shot up from the bed with sudden resentment. 

"That's what I was told..." His voice had dropped an octave or two. 

"I- you know what...whatever, let him." You had a slight attitude, shaking your head excessively. 

Kylo let out a half assed laugh. 

"What's so funny...?" You furrowed your brows. 

"It'll be taken care of, don't worry." Kylo reassured you which made you feel somewhat better about the slightly unfortunate situation at hand. 

"O-ok...um how long until we leave for Batuu?" You let out a wide yawn. 

"About an hour or so until we reach Star Killer." His back rested up against his dresser in a relatively relaxed state. 

You nodded, acknowledging his reply. 

"Kylo, I need to uh...ask you something, please just don't freak out ok?" You spoke with caution, hoping to avoid a summon of negative emotion within him. 

"Ok..." His tone was questionable as he ran his digits through his locks. 

"Who's Ben?" Your voice shook as you finally asked the question you'd been avoiding for quite some time now. 

"W- where did you hear that name...?" Kylo took an intimidating step towards you. 

"Um..well you, you said it last night...while you were asleep." You gazed at him with concern. 

In the midst of dozing off last night, a soft whisper of the name from his lips arose such a curiosity inside you...the whisper wasn't relaxed, it wasn't positive, it seemed to have some sort of trauma behind it. 

"I- I don't know a Ben." He fixated on the floor and shook his head excessively. 

"Kylo." The thought was prodding at your brain...impatiently waiting to be released. You knew he was keeping something from you, and you felt obligated to reveal it. 

"I've heard things...people talk. I've never said anything to you about it because, well I just didn't want to upset you with such a possibly sensitive topic." You spoke with hand gestures attempting to soften your words.

"What have you heard?" Anger now lingered behind his voice. 

"That Ben is your real name...that's it." You blinked hard as your tongue slipped out, licking your lips in anxiousness. 

"My name is Kylo...only Kylo. Don't listen to what people on the Finalizer say. They know nothing." His tone was rather harsh and relatively pained. 

"Oh...ok." You still felt as if he were hiding something from you. Something important, but you certainly couldn't force him to share it so, you'd let it be...for now at least.

"Well...I'm gonna head back to my room in a few minutes to pack." You attempted to cure the awkward silence. 

"Alright." He seemed uninterested in your statement. 

"Kylo are you o-" 

He cut your sentence short. 

"I'm fine." Letting out a hard sigh, he appeared to be slightly annoyed at your questioning. 

"Ok..." You hopped out of his bed and gathered your belongings. 

"Can you come and get me when it's time to go?" Whilst lingering in the doorway you tried to normalize your current tone. 

"Yeah." He didn't even bother to look at you...

"Alright um...bye." You crept out the door, head hung low.

You felt that you'd failed to unlock a potentially dark secret that he'd kept locked away; and he seemed as if he'd thrown the cryptic key somewhere into the depths of the galaxy to never be discovered, ever again. But you were only trying connect with him, to let him know that you were there for him...to let him know you'd support him through anything and everything. 

There was great possibility that he hadn't been entirely truthful regarding the situation. To be logical, he wouldn't have acted so disturbed if that name hadn't meant something to him...you seemed certain of that. 

You'd never mentioned it prior to today because...you knew this would happen. He would close himself off from you once again and you weren't prepared to endure the wounding feeling of not being good enough; not worthy enough to know what truly haunted him. You absolutely loathed the act of him being so distant that it physically pained you; puncturing your throbbing heart with minuscule but surely razor sharp pins and needles. 

It seemed as if you guys were finally getting somewhere...but if he still couldn't discuss his past then, were you really making any progress? 

Your thoughts roamed wild throughout your brain as you somewhat regretted asking him what seemed to be such a distressing question. But hearing him mumble in his sleep last night had caused you to grow extraordinarily eager to learn about what his life once was. 

You soon made it back to your room and carried on to get ready for the day. In preparations for your trip, you gathered an abundance of items; making a medium sized pile of what clothes you imagined to be necessary, along with a cluster of toiletries. Kylo had mentioned that you'd be departing in about an hour, so in the meantime you decided you'd pay Lydia and Emerson a visit. After not having seen them for a relatively extended period of time, they deserved your presence regarding a quick check in.

As you entered the medbay you witnessed Lydia, Emerson and Noah huddled up in the hallway.

"Hey!" You approached them with enthusiasm. 

The group immediately whipped around at the sound of your voice. 

"Look who it is!" A beaming grin took home on Emerson's face. 

"Good to see you again." Noah gave you a welcoming nod. 

"Hi! Where the hell have you been?" Lydia threw her hands up in the air as a friendly gesture.

"Oh um, I had to attend a few...missions with the Commander." Well shit that sure sounded sexual...

"Well damn, we missed you!" Lydia shot you a wide smile as Noah and Emerson nodded. 

"I missed you guys too..." You nodded eagerly while a slight feeling of guilt overcame your senses...you were on the verge of abandoning them again today and that seemed to be affecting you significantly.

"I just wanted to tell you all, I- I'm leaving to visit Batuu with the Commander today...I should be back in a day... maybe two." You attempted to achieve a sincere and soothing tone. 

"For what?" Emerson tilted her head in curiosity.

"Um, just to go..." You soon realized how lame your reasoning sounded after the sentence departed from your lips. 

"Oh, neat...well have a good time and check in when you get back please, it's not the same without you." She gave a closed mouth smile. 

You felt a threatening punch to the gut as her reply sent you into a trance of burden...you had such a loving and supporting group of people right in front of you and recently, you hadn't even acknowledged their existence. 

"I heard the Cantina there is top notch...visit if you get the chance." Noah's voice was genuine as he shot you a warm grin. 

Following the chaotic incident with Kylo, Noah hadn't look at you any differently than before and you appreciated that more than he knew. You'd never gotten the chance to rehash that night with him and to fully apologize for Kylo's menacing actions. He was truly a caring and understanding person that hadn't deserved the suffering Kylo had inflicted upon him. 

But in Kylo's defense...he was "just looking out for you", and you believed that...

"Oh definitely..." You gave a nod whilst letting out a low laugh. 

The four of you carried on the conversation with small talk for the next ten minutes. Catching up with them was beyond relieving. After all, they were your friends and you couldn't just forget about them...you wouldn't let yourself forget about them. The feeling of guilt for not being around as often had returned but you came to your senses and realized...life was different now. Getting off the Finalizer to visit Canto Bight that night had refreshed your perspective on the galaxy in such a positive way. You had newly founded knowledge on the many additional opportunities out there that you'd been shielded from for years, rather than just being stuck in the medbay. Of course you enjoyed being a nurse but...it got rather tiring sometimes. Being in Kylo's company was constantly like a breath of fresh air, filling your lungs with thrill and enlightenment. You finally felt as if your existence had some meaning which had been extremely difficult to believe before he'd entered your life. 

By the time you'd returned to your room, you expected Kylo to stop by any minute now. You collected your belongings with excitement and plopped down onto your bed, waiting for his appearance. 

About five, seemingly long minutes had passed until you heard a light knock at the door. 

"Come in." You raised your voice slightly. 

"We're leaving." Kylo's voice sounded rather sorrowed. 

"O-ok..." You snatched your bag and made your way out the door. 

You were elated to be traveling outside the Finalizer once again and you thought that riding alongside Kylo would help ease the constant tension he carried...but right now appeared to be agitated.

"Kylo...what's wrong?" You stared up at him with solicitude. 

"Nothing." His tone was straight forward and stern. 

"You know...you're a pretty bad liar." Your tone was still soft despite your words. 

"Now isn't the time for that y/n." He wore a blank expression as the two of advanced down the hall. 

"What do you mean?" Your voice heightened an octave. 

"It just isn't the time..." His gaze shifted to fixate on the floor and now you knew something was irking him. 

"Well can we just talk about it la-"

He interrupted you without hesitation.

"No." The word crept up from his throat with aggression as he shut his lids tightly. 

"Um...ok?" You shook your head in bewilderment.

Side by side, you both made your way off the Finalizer and onto Star Killer base. You entered an enormous room filled with an abundance of slightly downsized ships. He began heading towards a massive, black ship with two point like wings attached to the sides. 

"Is this your Command Shuttle?" You furrowed your brows. 

"Yes." He spoke with numbness. 

Suddenly, you heard the alarming sound of boots slapping the floor beneath you. You whipped around and gaped at six masked men, fully concealed in coal black uniforms. They appeared to be carrying a wide variety of frightening and lethal weapons. 

"Who are they?" You pointed towards the group.

"The Knights of Ren...my knights." 

"Oh..." Well damn, you didn't know this mission was so momentous that it required bodyguards. 

"C'mon." He gestured to enter the ship.

"Oh my stars..." Your eyes bulged out of your skull as you took in the eye catching attributes of his room on the ship. Despite it's similarities to his room on the Finalizer...this appeared just as breathtaking. 

"You can put your bag down over there." He pointed to the chair in the corner. 

You tossed your bag onto the black leather chair and pivoted to face Kylo. 

"It shouldn't be a long ride, just hang out in here I- I need to take care of some things." He sucked a sharp breath in through his nose. 

"O-ok...l- like what?" You were weary of your demeanor hoping to keep him rather balanced, temper wise. 

"It's confidential. I'll be back." Before you could respond, Kylo rushed out the door, leaving you behind to sit in silence.

His mood had shifted a whole one eighty since last night and you felt fully responsible. You were the one who'd mentioned such a word that seemed to be impacting his frame of mind so severely. 

You sunk down onto his bed and decided to rest your eyes to pass the time. 

Not long after his absence, Kylo had returned with a bitter wipe of expression on his face. 

"We're not meeting them until later on tonight so...we have some time to explore Batuu if you want." He seemed unenthusiastic but you could tell, he knew that's what you wanted. 

"Can we...maybe visit the cantina? Um, Noah had mentioned it and I kinda wanted to check it out..."

"The Cantina?" He seemed slightly amused, thank the stars.

"Yeah...I've never been and well I wanna go." You batted your lashes in hopes he'd allow you to go. 

"I- I mean I guess, but...just for a little bit." He nodded in agreement. 

"YES, thank you!" You shot him a wide smile which he unfortunately didn't mirror...

For fucks sake, was the situation from earlier really bugging him that much? 

"Kylo." You sounded desperate for any explanation of his newly obtained strangeness.

"What." He rubbed his jaw aggressively. 

"What the hell is up with you? Is it...is it because of this mor-" 

"Don't. I don't know a Ben, I've told you this." Frustration was beginning to take home in his demeanor. 

"O- ok..." Your head fell in disappointment. 

Your only motive was to help and comfort him, you thought he knew that by now but, apparently you were mistaken. 

"We're landing in about five minutes, we'll go to the Cantina if- if that's what you want." He shrugged his shoulders as if he were annoyed at the idea as a whole. 

"I mean yeah, but is that what you want?" You considered his feelings as per usual. 

"It doesn't matter." He shook his head. 

"Yes, it does." Latching onto his arm with delicacy, you burrowed into the crease of it.

Kylo took a sharp breath in and exhaled with relief... his hand managed to find your head, caressing it gently. You gazed up into his slightly disgruntled eyes. 

"You know you can tell me anything Kylo..." You whispered with care. 

"I know." He gave you a light nod and swooped down to lay a sincere kiss upon the front of your hairline. 

The ship quaked beneath you, implying your landing.

"We're here, lets go." Kylo patted your head one last time and you released your hold on him.


	32. Stay With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: BLOOD

While your feet hit the gritty sand, you gawked at the astonishing scenery. The abundance of greenery that surrounded you, left you breathless...so this was the beautiful sight of nature upon Batuu. 

"Holy- it's gorgeous here." You continued to rotate your head in various directions, scanning the vibrant hued trees. 

Kylo nodded and placed his hand on your back, urging you towards a small building in the distance. 

"Is this the Cantina?" You glanced up at him with eagerness.

"Yeah." His hand traveled to the back of your neck, massaging it with care. 

Your lips curved upwards forming a smile of satisfaction...he seemed to be returning to the side of him you enjoyed most. 

When you arrived, the scene was chaotic. The clusters of creatures varied beyond recognition and the seemingly loud music brought an upbeat feel to the place. 

"Have you ever been here?" You turned to face Kylo and witnessed him scanning the area. 

"Only a few times." He made his way over to the bar and you followed. 

"W- we might have be quick here...I haven't visited in years and I've left behind some...old conflict." 

"Um...what kind of conflict?" You furrowed your brows as a bundle of slight nerves set in. 

"That's not important. Just have a drink or two then we'll go, ok?" He glanced at you with sternness.

"Ok..." If you'd known you'd be taking such a great risk by coming here, you most likely wouldn't have requested to.

"What the hell do I even order?" You snatched a menu and scanned it, waiting for a suggestion from Kylo.

You gazed up only to see him still analyzing the place with such caution. 

"Kylo." You hit him on the arm with ease.

"What?" He whipped around to meet your eyes. 

"If you wanna leave, w- we can leave. It's ok..." As much as you didn't want to go, if it wasn't safe you most certainly didn't want to remain here just to try a damn beverage. 

"No it's fine, what are you getting?" His attention seemed to have return back towards you. 

"What's this?" You pointed to the Jedi Mind Trick.

"Yeah, don't get that." He shook his head excessively. 

"Well, what should I get then?" You handed him the menu and he studied it attentively. 

"Here, this." His finger laid upon the Jet Juice. 

"That sounds, uh pretty interesting...I'll try it." You shrugged your shoulders and threw the menu down. 

Your eyes fell upon a large, alien like creature which just so happen to be the bartender. 

"Excuse me, can I have four Jet Juices please." You shot him a warm smile and he gave u a slight nod. 

"Four?" Kylo tapped you on the arm. 

"Yeah...aren't you- " You furrowed your brows. 

"No. I- I can't...not today at least." He rubbed his jaw tensely. 

"Oh c'mon have some fun." Your hand gestures were inviting. 

"I said no." His tone was harsh.

"Sheesh ok..." 

"But...I don't want you drinking all of those yourself."

"Why not?" You shook your head in bewilderment. 

"Because..." He ran his digits through his locks with clear frustration. 

"Because why?" You were beginning to push his buttons just a little.

"Listen to me, ok?" He placed his hand upon your thigh and shot you a look of desperation. 

"O-ok..." You nodded in compliance. 

The waiter slammed four large glasses onto the bar; as you went to take a swig, a citrusy smell arose from the liquid and you gulped it down. 

Two drinks in, Kylo was predictably still on edge, searching for anything or anyone who may be a threat. His concern was so fixated on the concept that you managed to down a third glass, soon moving on to your fourth...two just wasn't cutting it. 

Kylo whipped around at the sound of your cup colliding with the table. 

"I think that's enough..." He snatched the glass out of your hand and shifted it to rest on the side. 

"Heyy c'mon..." You placed both hands onto his abdomen and stared up at him with wide eyes. 

"We're leaving." His tone was beyond demanding.

"W-where..." You sighed as he latched onto your arm, dragging you out of the Cantina. 

"Back to the ship, you need to lie down." His grasp tightened.

"I'm f-fine." You attempted to yank yourself out of his grasp. 

"Stop. You've had to much to drink...I want you to rest." He gazed into your eyes sincerely. 

"But..." You pouted your lips. 

"There's no debate." He shook his head. 

"Fine." Your foot stomped into the ground with annoyance.

After re-entering the ship, you plopped down onto Kylo's bed, sprawling out across the cozy mattress. 

Kylo hovered above you as your eyes fluttered due to your lack of sobriety. He studied your current state whilst brushing the stray hairs out of your vision. 

"Rest Angel." Taking your face between his palms, he planted a sweet and passionate kiss upon your lips.

You soon fell into a deep, heavy sleep. 

It must've been a few hours later when you finally woke because Kylo was no where to be found. You peered out the tiny windows of his ship only to be met with the shimmering night sky. By now you assumed he'd be outside meeting with whichever threatening group he'd come to visit...

Still a little woozy, you managed to gain your balance and make your way out of bed. As you advanced to the front entrance of the ship, you heard a confrontation erupting and worry set in, was something wrong? 

[ Kylo’s POV ]

"And you believe that we're just going to return what could aid in obliterating half the galaxy?" Jarik scoffed. 

"I thought I made myself very clear...those parts belong to the First Order, we've already paid...now you can either hand them over or I'll find them myself. Pick one, now." Kylo ignited his saber. 

"Good luck finding them yourself Ren." Jarik and his affiliates unleashed a wide range of weapons varying from extraordinarily sharp katonahs...to small and large, heavyset blasters. 

Kylo sucked in a hard breath through his teeth. "You don't wanna do this, just hand them over." 

"Kylo?" You stumbled onto the dock of the Command ship. 

"Get inside. Now." Kylo ordered and you pivoted around to re-enter the ship. 

"You shouldn't have come here." Jarik's tone was alarming and within seconds, a distant blaster had fired, aiming directly for your back. 

Without hesitation, Kylo had leaped in front of your frame, shielding your body from the collusion.

[ Your POV ] 

"KYLO!" Your voice screeched from the depths of your throat as the sudden act shook you to the core. 

The Knights of Ren hustled to slaughter the menacing group and Kylo helplessly collapsed onto the floor beneath you. 

"N-NO, NO!" Any ounce of impairment had ceased as you were brought back to reality, heart thumping drastically in your chest. 

Your eyes fixated on the blood spilling from his abdomen, forming a glistening puddle of maroon onto the floor. 

"NO...KYLO...FUCK! HELP HIM ONTO THE SHIP!" Your voice screeched as you signaled the Knights for assistance.

They darted over seconds later, drenched in their enemies' blood. With determination, all six miraculously aided Kylo's enormous frame onto the Command ship. 

"WE'VE GOTTA GET BACK TO STAR KILLER, NOW!" 

Quickly examining the location of his wound, you were only somewhat relieved to see that it'd just missed a main artery...thank the fucking stars. But even with your nursing skills, you were fully aware that you didn't have the necessary supplies nor resources to treat him in this crucial moment. His blood loss would soon become lethal and the only thing you could do, was keep him awake until you reached Star Killer...

On the verge of hyperventilating, you dropped to your knees and hovered over Kylo. Applying immense pressure to the wound, you aimed to halt some of the bleeding. 

"W- We're gonna get you help, it's- it's gonna be okay..." You shook in terror and forced all of your weight onto his abdomen. 

Kylo grunted and blinked rapidly whilst gazing up into your tear saturated eyes. 

"Kylo I'm s-so sorry. This is all my fault I-" You trembled while lingering over his wounded body. 

"I- I thought I told you stay inside..." His voice was filled with sheer suffering.

"I'm sorry." You began to sob violently into the very crease of his neck. 

"I didn't know they would- I-...FUCK. Why did you- why the hell would you do that for me?!" The skin face on your face sizzled with heat. 

"You know why." His voice was decreasing in volume by the second.

You began to choke on your tears while analyzing Kylo's color drained face. 

"P- please, stay awake Kylo." Your words babbled as you pleaded with him. 

"I don't know if I-" His lashes fluttered in uncertainty. 

"JUMP TO LIGHTSPEED IF YOU HAVE TO, FUCKING HURRY UP!" You ordered the pilot. 

"K-Kylo, PLEASE...we're almost there." Your anatomy quivered with worry. 

He grasped your wrist forcefully and with an enervated attempt, tried to speak. 

"L-listen to me..." His words emitted softer than feathers. 

"I-I'm listening...I'm here." You nodded, reassuring him of your presence.

"I want you to know...It's t- true, what you've h- heard..." His words were tremulous as his digits dug into your skin. 

"W-what?" You explored the entirety of his face.

Kylo began to slip under into a state of unconscious...

"KYLO?! STAY AWAKE!" 

His eyes abruptly shot back open and immediately caught your gaze, 

"M-my name...it is Ben. Ben Solo." A stray tear seeped from the very corner of his eye. 

The ground beneath you became fragile and your current thoughts made your mind unsure. 

"Ben." A faint smile took home on your face and you cupped his cheek with one blood encompassed hand.

Suddenly, his expression mimicked your own; sculpting a wide, beaming, smile.

"Ky-...Ben, you're gonna be ok." You caressed the thick black hair that never failed to put you at ease. 

His eyes fluttered rapidly as the flame in his smile began to fade.

"B-ben?" Your pitch was high, saturated with nerves. 

He failed to respond. 

"BEN!" You witnessed his face growing beyond pale...

His hand crept up to brush against your preferred spot, the very apple of your cheek. With such delicacy, he lifted the tears from one side of your scorching face.

"T- Take care of yourself my precious angel." His voice was debilitated with pain as his hand cascaded down to collide with the floor. 

You felt the future dissipate while hopelessly trapped in current moment. A fearful blow to your heart, indulged in sorrow as if it were a violent acid rain. Reality slipped away, rushing in came things left unsaid...you were unsure of the real, even unsure of the surreal. Palms drenched in sweat, you began a fruitless search upon his figure. All that you knew, all that you felt, all that you saw...passed like an unsolvable mystery. 

"N- NO...PLEASE, WAKE UP!" Your ears roared with devastation. 

He clutched onto your shirt with what minuscule strength that remained within him, aggressively pulling you towards his lips.

"What, what is it?" You frantically ghosted his dampened forehead, seeking to provide comfort. 

"I-" Ben's sentence was cut short as his lids shut and he fell unconscious.

"BEN." You choked on your salty tears and laid your head onto his chest, audibly sobbing. 

"HURRY. UP." The volume of your voice was so severe, it echoed off each and every structure within the Command Ship. 

"PLEASE, P- PLEASE." You searched frantically for a pulse, it was faint but it was there. 

"We- we're gonna get you help...I promise." Your voice splintered with fear that you may not reach Star Killer in time and you began to increase your pressure on his stomach. 

There was no color present on his face as if he'd been drained entirely of all the life he'd once possessed. 

Without warning, an abundance of emotionally significant memories came flooding in...bringing intertwined feelings, situations, sensations, all involving you. Vivid replays of moments that'd stay weaved into his brain for as long as he lived. His emotions washed over you like a tidal wave filled with intimacy, lust, affection, beauty, warmth, tranquility, hope...but within the wave came a threatening shark; a shark filled with confusion, conflict, sadness, frustration, fear, anger, and most of all pain.

Your heart sunk into the depths of your stomach as you swallowed hard; you'd just gained access to see yourself...through his eyes.

You felt such a damaged heart, swelling with newly introduced conflict the second he'd laid eyes on you. 

Whatever you held in your gaze that night in the medbay, quickened in the joy of its being; your immediate presence had placed smiles like flowers on the altar of his heart. 

But the altercation within his soul as days passed was made clear...he'd fallen under your hypnotic spell as you continued to unintentionally tear him apart.

Your affection to him was like the dawn brightening over his life, awakening beneath the dark, a further adventure of color. Your touch, so gentle but yet so violent as it affected him in more ways than one. Your caresses enfolded him with serenity, like climbing vines on melancholy walls. Your soul went through him like the thread of a needle...everything you did, stitched with such vibrant and lively shades. 

You were beyond a delicate piece of art to him that he'd wished to frame upon his wall. He was bound to the memory of your figure...how it moved with such ease but yet such seduction. He longed to worship every square inch of your skin for the entirety of his existence, pleasing you and tuning you like an instrument. Even in the nights he'd spent alone, away from you, he left open a window, from his heart to your own...from this window, like the moon, he sent news of the constant crave he held for your presence.

The sound of your voice was a newly found music to him that he longed to keep on repeat for as long as possible. Every word of comfort you spoke, aided in healing a wound that'd been gaping open for years.

With ease he revealed the image of your delicate frame sprawled across his mattress, head laid upon his fluffy pillow. He had observed you as you slept in his quarters for the very first time, admiring your tranquil state of mind, your beauty. With that he attached the act of your peace and how it tied knots of barbed wire around his throbbing heart. He'd questioned his own morals that night, his loyalty...because of the utterly intoxicating affect you'd inflicted on him. 

You felt all that he'd felt...

A flicker of Canto Bight arose; your beaming smile during dinner had left marks of pure joy on his pulsating soul. The way your figure filled the elegant dress with effortless perfection had caused an ache within him to devour your longing body. On such a significant night, his ultimate goal was to please you, but he was never taught how...so he gave it his all, pushing his limits, pushing himself for you. Witnessing your excitement that night had brought him a feeling that he'd never known, genuine satisfaction aimed towards someone else's enjoyment.

But one memory stuck out like a sore thumb...he forced in the toxic feeling that came along with his abuse that night. The excruciating pain that'd taken home in his chest when he realized how much he'd truly hurt you, laying rough and angered slaps upon your porcelain skin. He'd never felt such remorse prior to that night...but he'd also never stumbled upon someone who made him feel the way you did. 

You had the ability to transform his suffering into something else. Slowly but surely; a hollow ledge, holding a little pool left there by the tide, drying inward from the edge.

Time spent with you was life giving, until the moment shattered and he was thrown back into the black tide of loss, ambushed by the hopelessness of failed redemption.

He lived with pain that was a lethal wound; if you poked it too hard you would turn him to an irreparable harm. Pinned down by sorrow and moaning for release, he was like a stricken bird that'd failed to reach the south every time you attempted to aid him in situations of conflict. 

Any sign of your dissatisfaction would destroy him entirely; when you fell unhappy, he had not the slightest idea on how to handle it...some dead echo would drag his voice down where words seemed to have no confidence and he'd loose his train of thought. 

Your breath shuddered as he continued to fuel your thoughts with his own.

Ben made it crystal clear that he'd rather have the thought of you to hold against his heart, his spirit to be taught of you, than all the warm caresses of another love's bestowing. He'd rather have the theme of you to thread his nights and days, he'd rather have the dream of you. He'd rather have the want, the rich, elusive taunt of you forever, than claim the alien comfort of another's affection. 

In an instant the thoughts clicked off as if he'd pressed upon a switch, controlling the motors and gears to your brain. 

Teardrops trailed down your cheeks, landing upon his sunken in face. This had all hit so suddenly...you were trapped in a fog, frantically traveling your way through. 

You'd finally been introduced to the reality of Ben Solo's mind; the reasoning behind his actions...all of them. 

You saw it now...you understood. 

Pressing your cheek to melt against his own, you whispered softly...

"Stay with me."

Suddenly, his digits latched around your wrist, informing you that he was striving to stay awake. 

Your face ignited with a newly found hope...

"Ben." With a free hand, your thumb traced the fine lines that aided in making his face so unique. 

"I won't let you go. I'll never let you go..." The words danced off your tongue with such meaning.

"You're gonna make it, keep fighting. Please...keep fighting for me." You laid a sincere kiss upon his plump lips. 

This man was your light...your dark...your world...your person, he wasn't going anywhere...you'd never let him.


	33. It’s Me, Angel

"I NEED HELP! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!" Your voice cracked as the Command Ship doors whooshed opened, revealing Star Killer base.

You witnessed the relieving sight of Ben's knights sprinting off the ship as well, with intention to aid him in his critical condition. Trailing along as they all held him with care, you followed their every step. 

"Where's the medbay here?!" Your breath hitched as you shook frantically from behind the cluster of knights. 

"It's over there; find a gurney, we'll get him to see a doctor..." One of Ben's knights had spoken for the very first time through his especially distracting mask, gesturing down the hallway to your right. 

Hesitant as ever to leave Ben, you caressed his face, planting a warm and delicate kiss upon his forehead, "I'll be right back..."

You dashed towards the medbay, feet colliding with the white tile floor at a rapid speed. Your surroundings flew past, blurred your vision due to the stamina you were building up. It wasn't a leisurely walk or stroll, you ran like never before knowing that Ben's fate lied in your hands. You analyzed each and every corner of the bay until you finally retrieved a gurney, relief washed over you and you let out a hard breath. Gripping onto it's metal rails you began reeling it towards the ship garage. As if you were being chased by a life threatening creature, you darted farther and farther down the hall, wheels of the gurney squeaking as they endured your pace. 

You finally reached Ben's limp body in which the Knights continued to support. He was gently placed onto the gurney, head laid down with care, you immediately took off, heading back towards the medbay. You knew you certainly couldn't do this alone so you shouted out, signaling help. 

"I NEED A DOCTOR, SOMEONE PLEASE!" You huffed, using each limb to help reel Ben to safety. 

An extraordinarily beautiful young woman came racing towards you, long brown hair swaying back and fourth as she jogged in her matching scrub outfit, name tag marked; Calista. She gawked when she soon realized who was in front of her. 

"He was shot i- he definitely needs surgery, who's the head surgeon here...?" Your tone was frantic as you abruptly yielded in front of her. 

"I- I'll get him, come." She gestured down the hall and took off at a rather fast pace while you tailed her. 

"It's gonna be ok Ben, we're here now, we're at Star killer..." You strained your arm into stroking his cheek whilst reeling him down the hall. His eyes fluttered, informing you that he was still awake and a smile broke across your face...you'd made it. 

"I'm Dr. Brennan dear what's the issue?" A middle aged man stood before you outside a rather spacious hospital room. 

"Please, he's been shot, I- I'm a nurse on the Finalizer but I'm certainly no a surgeon..." You pleaded, desperation overcoming your expression. 

"What was he shot by?" The doctor raced over, grasping the gurney from you and reeling him into the nearby room.

"I think it was just a standard blaster..." You shook your head in frustration, this was all your fault. 

He nodded. "You said you're a nurse?" Dr. Brennan reached for a pulse while the nurse grabbed a handful of gauze, applying immense pressure to his gaping wound; you witnessed Ben flinching and jerking up from the sudden pain.

"Yeah...it's only my first year I-." You ran your digits through your hair in distress, cringing at the fact that you were unable to comfort him in this moment. 

"But you don't live on Star Killer, correct?" He gestured for Calista to aid him in helping Ben onto the bed.

"No...why?" This really wasn't the time to make small talk so what the hell was he doing?

The Doctor failed to respond, preoccupied with transporting Ben. 

You immediately observed the undeniably gorgeous nurse, pricking Ben's arm with an IV as he twitched. His eyes shot open and shifted his gaze to fall upon the needle penetrating his vein. 

"Angel?" Ben's voice was hoarse as he stared up at Calista, grasping her arm with delicacy.

"No, Ben I'm right he-" You took an eager step forwards only before Dr. Brennan stood in your way. 

"Wait who's Ben?" Confusion overcome his expression as he whipped around to stare at Ben and you rolled your eyes internally. 

"Long story, can you please just help them man?!" Your tone was stern as the volume in your voice had increased. 

"Yes but, I'm sorry...I'm gonna have to ask you to leave for now, we can't have anybody who isn't with the Star Killer staff in here right now." He was sincere with his tone, clearly hoping you'd cooperate. 

"But I-" You furrowed your brows as an abrupt lump formed in the depths of your throat. 

"Please." He gestured to the door. 

As much as you didn't want to, you nodded understandingly and headed out, head hung low in disappointment and worry. 

The last thing in your vision was Ben, gaze certainly not fixated on you; your mind reeled, did he think you were leaving him? The door slammed shut in your face as your back collided with the wall behind you. You'd failed him, you'd failed Ben. You had not the slightest idea as to what was going on in that room and the thought nauseated you, the unknown; what the hell were you supposed to do now? 

As your eyes scanned the hallway, you spotted a bench; plopping down onto it, you planned to await Ben's recovery. Your body quaked with anxiety, head between your knees, hands clutching your scalp, you were beyond impatient to see him again, to touch him, to apologize. 

Frame sprawled across the wooden bench outside the medbay room, hours and hours flew by and you'd fallen into a deep slumber from such exhaustion. A sudden hand on your back had alarmed your senses and you shot up with concern. As you rose up and rubbed your tired eyes, your stare thankfully locked with Dr. Brennan's. 

"Where's Ben, is he, is he ok?" You searched his face frantically seeking an answer. 

"Yes, Ben is ok. We had to perform emergency surgery though, he went underwent anesthesia and he's recovering well...physically. But, he isn't in the best condition, mentally that is; it appears he didn't respond well to the anesthetic." Dr. Brennan interlocked his hands and gave you a heartfelt nod. 

"Sorry, what- what do you mean?" You took a fairly large step closer whilst tucking a stray hair behind your ear. 

"This is very uncommon but it does happen, we're trying our best to observe and analyze his symptoms but he's suffering from a significant amount of emotional trauma, his- his memory, it's weak." 

The shock, the despair, it immersed within you; you separated its numerous strands and acknowledge its subtle nuances. Your soul wept and there was no sentence in the world that could possibly comfort you right now, a section withered and became a scar on the part of your soul that'd taken such a brutal hit. On the verge of fainting, you stumbled back down onto the bench. 

"Miss are you ok?" Dr. Brennan gently latched onto your arm. 

"I- I'm fine...can I- please...can I see him." You begged with needy eyes, lower lip quivering. 

"Come." He gestured to the room and helped you up slowly, acknowledging your frailty. 

Your knees nearly buckled as your gaze fell upon Ben. But not just Ben, Ben with Calista, sitting by his side, comforting him, caring for him.

"I- " You attempted to speak but you immediately lost your train of thought, your heart had been torn out, ripped up, destroyed, saturated with gasoline and set up into flames. You denied the authenticity of the current moment because you didn't want to believe it.

He abruptly locked eyes with you and without hesitation, you rushed to his free side. "Ben." You hovered over him with a soothing aura. 

He furrowed his brows and winced slightly whilst shifting his frame in the bed. 

"Stay still sir..." Her hand fell upon his shoulder, gently pushing him back down to lie flat. 

"Ben." Your tone was firm as you crept closer, forcefully staring into his eyes. 

He whipped his head around to face Calista, shifting his gaze back to you, then back to her again. 

"Why is, why is she in here?" He gestured to you, slowly lifting his arm and pointing his finger. 

"What do you mean?" She glanced at him with bewilderment. 

"Is she, is she a nurse?" His voice was slightly hoarse but especially puzzled. 

Did he not remember you?

Denial confronted you larger than any feeling you'd ever known, casting its shadow over your brain. "Ben, it's me...a- angel."

"I'm not sure we've-" he shook his head excessively. 

His presence felt like home to you, but his memory had wandered, unable to find it's way back to you...he didn't remember you. In an instant, feelings too loud for words and too shy for the world had emerged. You'd been placed into a terrifying nightmare, people spinning around you, too busy enough to care. Sadness thicker than a knife's blade punctured you, shredding your insides apart without hesitation.

"No...no! Ben IT'S ME!" You latched onto his hand when he quickly pulled away. 

You felt as if you'd been set aflame, the crippling pain spread over you like smoke from an enormous fire. You found it impossible in this moment to see anything but your own devastation, the way smoke can cover a landscape so that all anyone can see is black. Even the coolest water could be poured all over you and you'd just be damp, not cured of your sadness, the way a fire department can douse a fire but never recover what has been burnt down.

"Fuck, n-no, NO!" You clutched your head firmly, digging your digits into your scalp in severe distress. 

"Is he gonna get better? WILL HE RECOVER?!" You whipped around and stared at Dr. Brennan with crazed eyes.

"Miss, we don't see cases like this very often, unfortunately there's nothing we can do as of now, it may resolve over time but the chances are very low...I'm sorry." 

An acid rain had saturated your mind, causing it to crumble into ruins. Tears from the depths of some devine despair rose in your heart and gathered in your eyes; they rushed out with such urgency as you sobbed violently into your hand.

"NO! No no..." Your knees actually buckled this time, letting you thump onto the floor, limbs like cooked spaghetti. Your world had truly fallen apart, the whole universe, was to silently move on, not actually bothering to care about the intense agony you were enduring...they didn't understand, nobody would. 

"Nurse, would you mind escorting her out?" Ben gestured to you with a weak expression.

"NO! BEN IT'S ME, PLEASE!" Right now, you saw life in black and white instead of the vibrant colors and shades that'd once existed. 

"Now." His tone had grown stern. 

"FUCK!" You aggressively launched your first into the floor out of pure insanity. 

Calista had stuck her hand out, gesturing to help you up but a void in your chest filled with anger, defeated anger that guaranteed you the right to hurt. 

"I'm fine." You shot up, dashed out of the room and sprinted down the hall. 

Quietness and emptiness fit together like stacked spoons, there was a snuffling in the hollows at the base of your throat and your surroundings began to fade. You ran and never stopped running until you reached a familiar sight...one of Ben's knights.

Choking on salty tears you made your way over to the bench he was seated on. 

"He, he doesn't remember m- me...he doesn't remember anything!" Your teeth sunk into your hand to relieve the excruciating pressure that'd built in your chest. 

"What do you mean?" He abruptly removed his mask, revealing a head full of fluffy black hair and eyes green as fresh grass. 

"He doesn't fucking remember me!" Your voice splintered as you stomped your foot into the floor. "He- he went under anesthesia his memory it's, it's not all there. I don't know what to d- what the hell am I supposed to do?!" Your nails scratched vigorously at your searing hot, irritated and red throat. 

"I- what did the doctor say?" He looked especially concerned. 

"His memory m- might return but, the chances are...they're not good." Shutting your lids tightly, you consumed a large breath hoping to steady your breathing. 

"I'm- I'm so sorry. Look it'll be ok, why don't we get you a room for the night...it's pretty late." 

"Just put me back on the Finalizer for tonight..." You shook your head vigorously in frustration, this had by far been one of the worst nights of your entire life. 

"The Finalizer isn't here, Hux had a hunch on...something, they- they left." He pursed his lips, forming an especially flat line. 

"They what?" Your eyes shot out from your head...what the actual fuck had this night come to? "When will they be back?!" 

"I- I don't know, but, the Supreme Leader would want me to get you a room, let me." 

"Well the Supreme Leader doesn't even know who I am anymore...so does it really matter?" You threw your hands up in the air, letting them descend back down to hit your outer thighs. 

"I'm sorry, I know this must be really hard for you, it is for me too, I've know him for many many years but...it's what he'd want." He rubbed his jaw tensely. 

"What do you mean?" You crossed your arms firmly, tilting your head to the side with ease. 

"He asked me to look after you if anything, if anything ever happened to him." 

"He did..?" Hearing something so hopeful yet so sad, caused your breath to depart entirely, leaving you unable to produce anymore tears. 

"Yes and I probably shouldn't be telling you this but, trust me he's never cared about someone as much as he cares about you. You changed him, you are changing him I see it, the rest of the knights see it." 

Suddenly, your perspective whooshed and you were far out in space, watching the world. You could see millions and millions of people, all slotted into their lives; then you saw yourself...without Ben; you'd lost your place in the universe. It had closed up and there was nowhere for you to be. Right now, you were more lost than you'd known was possible for any human to be.

"I'm Vicrul by the way, it's nice to formally meet you, unfortunately it had to be under these circumstances but." He shrugged his shoulders. 

"Yeah um, you too, I'm y/n." You sniffled, hands shaking vigorously from great anxiety. 

"So let me get you a room, ok?" He rose up from the bench, gestured down the hall and laid his hand delicately on your upper back in attempts to comfort you. 

"O-ok." You whipped around, glancing down the hall one last time at Ben's room before departing out of the medbay. 

"So, how'd you meet him?" He rotated his head to speak courteously.

"I- I worked in the medbay, on the Finalizer..." Thoughts of that night took home in your especially jumbled mind, squeezing its way through even though you'd always reserved a special space for it. 

"Oh, I see." He nodded with interest.

"Yeah..." You sucked on your lower lip, fiddling your thumbs, uncertain of what to do, what to think, in this very moment. 

"I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty i swear, I just want you to know that, but before he met you, he would've never given his life for another person, no matter who it was. But he definitely didn't think twice about shielding you from that blaster, I saw it. What I'm saying is, you must mean really mean a lot to him." Vicrul nodded his head, speaking with his hands to represent his honesty. 

There was now an ocean of silence between the two of you and you were drowning in it; a seed of regret was planted inside of you, sprouting new wounds into your mind. Your regret had the gift of time, the world dizzied you and your body remained stagnant, refusing to follow the pace in which your thoughts roamed. Your heart swelled with an unbearable ache and your blood pumped without rush; you hadn't appreciated how much Ben truly cared for until now...until it was too late. 

You failed to respond, unsure of exactly what words to speak, unsure of what the appropriate reply would be...you only bowed your head, acknowledging his statement. 

"It'll be ok." He patted your back attentively as you reached the upper level of Star Killer. 

"Here." You both reached a medium sized room and he flung the door open for you. 

"Please, go rest. I'll make sure to wake you in the morning if anything changes with him." 

"O-ok, thank you." You flashed him a sincere expression and nodded excessively. 

"Night." He gave you a nod and started down the hall. 

As you entered your newly introduced room, you plopped down onto the significantly large bed...attention completely drawn away from the decor, you were too fixated on Ben. He truly didn't remember you; the entire concept was almost incomprehensible. Absolutely beside yourself you fell back letting your head collide with the fluffy pillow. You did this.

The dried tears on your face were soon revamped as newly distraught droplets took over, rolling over your tense cheeks. They were bitter and warm, they flowed with life but took no form when you came to a new devastating realization; Ben didn't remember you, but he also didn't remember the intimacy...he didn't remember the memories, the laughs, the hardships, none of it. You'd finally gotten to know Ben, not Kylo...Ben. But now, he didn't seem to know you at all. From all your dreams where he felt everlasting to all the clothes his words used to wear, to the old end, to the new beginning, you'd lost him everywhere. You'd been but a minute to him in that hospital room when he'd been your eternity months ago. 

If the moon walks out, the sky will understand; but now it hurts, witnessing his mind departing from the memory of you, when you don't know if he'll ever come back.

When you first met him he was a closed book, hesitant to let his feelings shine through the depths of the shadows. But recently, he was open, allowing you to pour your affection onto each page. Your chemistry with him was a unique form of the alphabet, whispering from every leaf, singing from every river, shimmering from every sky...it was yours, both of yours. In a world full of temporary things, he was a perpetual feeling. Your undying connection with him was big enough to illuminate a hundred, a thousand...a billion galaxies. As a pair, you'd grown; but you never talked about growing, you didn't have to, you both just...knew.

All you craved in this moment of crisis was the source of your greatest bliss, him. The intoxicating warmth that rose from being clutched so close to his widespread chest, how his arms encircled you like you were a delicate doll in his world...there was nothing softer than the tenderness in which he held you. He blazed through you like a gypsy wildfire, igniting your soul and dancing it into flames. But now that his mind had left...now that he'd left, the smell of his smoke was the only thing left to soothe you.

For hours, you cried and cried, sobbing into the sheets, drenching them with your suffering, until you were absolutely worn out. You finally drifted off to sleep with your heart at the foot of the bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of you at all.


	34. Lost Without You

You woke with your heart in the cupboard of your rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. It was that sort of sleep in which your eyes shot open every hour, thinking to yourself that you haven't really been sleeping at all; only experiencing dreams of Ben that were like reflections, daytime thinking slightly warped.  
A fairly loud knock on your door startled you; your feet sunk into the fuzzy black rug as you made your way over. Twisting the knob lazily, you revealed Vicrul standing before you, mask in hand. 

"Morning." He gave you a homely nod. 

"Morning...how, how is he?" It was as if your mind had the evil intention of shattering you, forcing those words out of your mouth, leaving a bitter taste of sorrow on your tongue. 

"I visited him earlier this morning, unfortunately he didn't remember me. He referred to himself as Ben which I haven't heard such a name in years, so he's still pretty messed up."

You fell silent. 

"Oh shit, did you not know...about Ben?" Panic took over Vicrul's expression. 

"No I- I did, he told me about Ben Solo, after he got shot." Your voice shook, nerves saturating your brain as you spoke.

"Oh ok." Relief washed over his face. 

"Um can I, can I see him?" You furrowed your brows, staring up at Vicrul with especially worn and puffed up eyes. 

"Yeah c'mon." Shifting away from the doorframe, he gestured to the hallway outside.

"Wait, actually can you come back in an hour or so? I- I just woke up I'd rather freshen up before seeing him..." 

"Yeah of course, I'll be back then." His hand rose up off the knob, shooting you a wave before his exit. 

You let out a huff of enervation and trotted over to the bathroom; your feet collided with the especially chilled tile floor as you flicked the light switch on. Even bathing seemed to be both a mentally and physically draining task but, you felt it was necessary to try and free your chaotic mind where time seemed temporarily suspended. You switched on the shower and began to undress; shifting the curtain aside, your toes were the first to feel the minuscule puddles that'd already seemed to form on the floor. You stood beneath the hot needles, face thrust near the spray head, experiencing your headache moving back just the tiniest bit. 

You'd discovered that the first few minutes were always the best and to not be wasted, you let the stream flow over your figure, drenching your hair, causing it to increase in weight. You lathered your scalp whilst staring blankly at the white wall, letting the suds slide down your frame as you rinsed. Suffocating your hair in conditioner, you analyzed the steam dancing up towards the ceiling in such a graceful manner. You scrubbed each and every limb, intending to wash away your truly disturbing pain. The last stage of your shower was unfavorited, the water began to cool and there was nothing to look forward to, it was pretty disillusioning.

When you exited, wrapping yourself in a cozy, comforting towel was beyond satisfying; soaking up the water droplets with care. After attentively brushing your teeth, you concluded your time in the bathroom; you'd finally felt something other than sadness. But that didn't last long; you were immediately met with the same bed you'd spent one of your darkest nights in. You still believed the concept to be fake, and that's all you wanted; for someone to inform you that this was all a joke, an unfunny, sick joke...but rationally, you knew that wasn't the case. 

Slipping into a spare outfit that'd been stuffed into one of the drawers, you smoothed the wrinkles, trying your hardest to look somewhat decent. You raked a brush through your hair, still damp and dense, then threw it up into a high ponytail. Just as you were sliding into your shoes, you heard the same exact knock style as this morning. 

"Hey, we can go now." You bowed your head to Vicrul before heading down the hall outside your room. 

"I just wanna say, I don't know how this is gonna go, just be prepared ok? I don't want you to get your hopes up." He turned to face you, mimicking your pace. 

"Ok..." You sucked your cheek in, biting the soft inner skin out of pure stress. 

When you finally reached the medbay, Vicrul took responsibility to stand in front of you, knocking on the door eagerly. 

"Come in." A sweet and ear pleasing voice crept through the crack underneath the door. 

He shot you one last look of question and you nodded, expressing your final approval to enter. 

You nearly fell forwards at the sight of Calista...feeding Ben.

The angle of your hips, the sharpness of your shoulders, the luster of your eyes, the texture of your skin, the openness of your heart, collapsed under the weight of your distress.  
You wanted to free yourself from this moment, give up your bearings, slip out of who you were, shed everything, the way a snake discards old skin. You knew in a way you'd never known before that there was nowhere for you to go, nothing for you to do. A voice in your head kept on reciting old principles of yours, the voice was his voice, and the voice was also yours. But there were other voices, voices you'd never heard before, voices that seem to be either dead or dying in a great moonlit darkness. More than ever, some sort of new arrangement seemed in order, some dramatic and unknown arrangement, anything to find release from this heartbreaking sadness. This killing sadness that'd felt as if it would never leave no matter where you were to go or what you were to do, you'd never rid this very moment from your thoughts. 

You whipped around to face Vicrul with tear saturated eyes,   
"I-" You trembled and he certainly took notice, placing his hand onto your shoulder with ease. 

"It's ok." He brought you further into the room to accompany Ben's bedside. 

As if you had this large black hole in your brain, it was sucking the life out of you. No matter how hard and long you looked, you only saw darkness. In that breathless second you almost spoke, feeling the words boiling up from your chest. You remember drawing a breath then hesitating, what could you say? Uncertainty tightened in your chest like a cold fist as it slowly began to dawn on you that'd you'd been staring at him for an impossible amount of time. Lost in your thoughts, lost in the sight of him, lost in those cursed hazel eyes that never failed to liquify your heart. But his face didn't look offended or amused, it almost looked as if he were studying the lines of your face...almost as if he were waiting.

"Ben I'm here now, it's me, you know me..." You explored his eyes, analyzing them in hopes to witness a spark of his memory. 

"No, I- I don't." His brows furrowed, scanning your figure then returning to meet your stare.

Ben existed no more than living proof that a punch to the gut could still hurt without any contact at all. 

If he couldn't hold you in his arms, if he were unable to clutch the memory of you in high regard, then at least he could allow you to live on in his heart. But right now, you were nothing to him; some random human being hovering over his hospital bed. It seemed that he'd rid the great connection the two of you shared, stuffing it into the depths of his mind to never be found again. 

"Yes, you do." Frustration set in. Being able to store the abundance of moments shared but not being able to transfer them into his brain, it was tearing you apart. 

"I only know that you were here yesterday, I also know I asked for you to be escorted out, so why are you back?" His tone grew stern and it punctured the front you'd attempted to put up, shielding anyone else from recognizing your true suffering. 

Your jaw dropped at just how much he really didn't remember..."Fuck." You whispered under your breath. 

Calista's hand traveled up to continue on feeding Ben, the sight nauseated you...that should be you not her. You bit your tongue in attempts to refrain from lashing out, but that was no help at all. 

"I think he can feed his damn self, what the hell is this? He's not a fucking toddler." Your fingers latched around the bedside rails as you leaned over to meet her gaze. 

"Miss, it was his request...not mine." She furrowed her brows, slightly offended at your comment. 

Ben had asked her to care for him, just like you once had. 

Sadness weighed you down like a rock in a river; you didn't stand a chance. You tried your best to fight it, gaining the strength to swim, but you soon felt it was best to let yourself sink. You realized, you'd never know true happiness again until someone or something were to pull you back out of that river, that someone was Ben, and that something was his intoxicating attention. Immediate tears streamed down your cheeks from unblinking eyes; melted brain that'd been boiled down by the thought of his keenness towards her.

"Vicrul you said your name was?" Ben gestured over to him as he stood in the very corner of the room. 

"Yeah, why?" He crept out of the shadows and moved closer towards the three of you. 

"Let me ask you something." Ben urged him to stand at his bedside. 

"Go ahead..." Vicrul nodded cautiously. 

"You ever have a nurse this pretty before?" Ben's hand traveled to brush a glistening stray hair out of her face as a slight smirk grew on his damned expression. Calista blushed, letting out an embarrassed but yet still flattered laugh. 

That night, those words, Ben's soft hand on your hip, pulling you close into the light of his heart and affection, his attention fixated on you, only you. One by one, tear drops fell like they were in an assembly line; gather, fall, slide...gather, fall, slide...each one commemorating something you'd lost.

You'd lost him. 

But for Ben, there was no loss if he couldn't even remember what once was. 

You shifted to face Vicrul, fists clenched violently, psychotic eyes leaping out of your sockets. He failed to reply to Ben, too focused on supplying his sympathy for you instead.

"I- I wanna leave..." Your breath began to hiccup, practically devouring your own tears as they drenched your reddened face. 

"Ok." He escorted you out, following you into the hall. 

"I- I don't know what to do, I really don't..." Your hands encompassed your mouth, attempting to silence your audible sobs. 

"Come here." His arms opened wide, gesturing a hug. 

You didn't hesitate to let him wrap his wide arms around you, burying your face into the crease of his neck. It didn't feel wrong at this point, your relationship with Ben was non existent, you needed someone in this time of grieving. The warmth of his frame transfused into your anatomy, spilling a slightly calming sensation over every limb, you needed this. 

"We'll try again later...or tomorrow, just let me know and I'll take you." His hand fell upon your back, rubbing it carefully, clearly trying to relieve you. 

"O-ok." You sniffled, surely drenching his black uniform with your tears. "I- I'm just gonna go back to my room for now um, where are you staying just in case I-" 

"I'm ten doors down on your right." He released you, now staring back, analyzing your expression. 

"Thank you." You nodded before taking off down the hall. Every step you took grew heavier, pieces of your heart clearly weighed more when they sat shattered at the bottom of your stomach. The suffocating brick on your chest increased in mass as your swelling tears descended down quietly to meet with the floor. 

Ben had already found a new you, a new angel.

Your thoughts roamed, twisted and tangled whilst trying to formulate some sort of a game plan, something to help him remember, something to fix this devastating mess. But nothing, there was nothing you could do and that's what hurt the most. 

You entered your room, aggressively slamming the door behind you and throwing your rather purposeless body onto the bed. Would you have to live this way forever; with the man you cared for so deeply, absent from the side in which he used to claim so passionately? There was absolutely no purpose for you here at Star Killer, your friends, your job, it was all on the Finalizer. But your heart, your heart was here...it was Ben. You certainly didn't want to leave, hell that's the last thing you wanted, but you surely wouldn't stick around to see him fall head over heels for another woman. That would break you down even more than you already were; at the moment, a cracked, irreparable human being...desperate for a crumb of his old attention. Despite it being mid day, you fell back into an emotional slumber, all thoughts circling around Ben as you drifted off. 

When you heard a loud knock at your door It seemed as if you'd slept for five minutes but in reality, it'd been hours. Drowsy as ever, you flung the door open and Vicrul entered, holding a tray with a wide variety of food. 

"Hey, you should eat." He placed the tray down onto your bed but continued to stand as you sunk back into the mattress. 

"I'm not that hungry, but thank you." You weren't hungry, at all. But curiosity arose as you realized how often Vicrul had been checking in on you, being far too generous than you actually deserved. "Why are you being so nice to me?" You stared up at him, legs crossed properly while you sat. 

"I told you, I promised Ben I'd look after you...that's what I'm doing." 

"Oh, well can you tell me what he said, when he asked you to?" You were desperate to be reminded of his words, his old ways.

Vicrul emitted a sigh and nodded. 

"He told me to look after his girl, to protect you no matter what, to give you whatever you wanted whenever you wanted it, to keep you healthy, happy, "to treat you better than he ever could"...were his exact words." His gaze was sincere as he hovered over you. 

Ben's quoted words plunged into your chest like a lethally sharpened dagger. 

You'd fallen into an abyss, an unwelcome world where you were nothing but an island of sadness. The silence, iron chill, something lonely in your bones. You were his girl, he claimed you, you belonged to him...but now, he only belonged to you. The saddest word in the whole wide world; almost. You and Ben almost made it together in this wild galaxy. 

"I- oh ok." You shook your head excessively as you continued to process the answer to such a sensitive concept.

"Eat something, please." He gestured to the abundance of food. 

"Ok." You nodded and took a rather large bite out of some sort of sandwich. 

Vicrul sunk down next to you, "It'll get better, I know you know that..." His pupils penetrated your bloodshot eyes. 

"I guess so...I just- I don't know what to do with myself, this is all my fucking fault." A sudden tear rolled down your cheek and more followed, flowing down like a stream, eyes blind with salty water. You clutched your face, burying yourself into your hands as you tried your hardest to not let your cries be heard. 

Your method wasn't very effective. 

"Shhh..." Vicrul opened his arms just as wide as he had earlier today, you hesitated at first but soon caved and leaned in. He cradled your head with care, one hand resting on your arm, rubbing it in attempts to soothe you. "You're not alone, I'm right here." 

Your heart sunk down into the pits of your stomach at such confusing but yet still comforting words. "Thank you." You sniffled, leaning into him even more until you were practically sown to his frame. 

He released his grasp on you, bringing your head up to meet his gaze. "I'm gonna go, make sure to eat ok?" 

"Ok." You nodded in agreement. 

"If you need anything, you know where to find me." He rose up from the mattress and made his way over to the door. 

"Thanks again." You shot him a warm but undoubtedly forced smile. 

The door clicked shut and you set the tray of food down onto a nearby chair before returning to bed. Your mind was overcome with numbness as you fell into a heavy trance, lost in studying the dullness of the ceiling above. 

_ _ _ Two days later _ _ _ 

These past two days were easily to say, the gloomiest, most depressing, days of your entire life. You were entirely discouraged to visit Ben...so you hadn't; your only human interaction being with Vicrul as he brought you meals and held short and simple conversations.

During these days, you'd become a servant to sadness. After the first day, the deepest sorrow faltered, even the most penetrating despair lost its scalpel edge. You'd gotten addicted to your sorrows, until you got scared of not being sorrowed. You were stabbed thousands of times, until it felt painful to not be stabbed. Cursed in all the languages, until you'd started being nervous of not being cursed. You were lonely; you felt it deeply and permanently, that this state of being on your own might never disappear. But you welcomed the lonliness, letting it nibble away at your brain. 

You despised the brightness of the mornings, tracing your fingers along the lull of the afternoons, taking the spirit of the evenings in your arms and kissing it deeply, then making love to the tranquility of the nights as they were your favorite. 

Your entire focus being on Ben, every second of everyday you were reminded that in the coldest air, you'd discovered your soul's warmest fireplace, him; in the roughness of his stubble...the tenderest care. All beautiful distractions ignited from him, he was that one breath that'd put all the others in line. You were filled time and time again with a heart-aching wonder when you thought of the fire and frost of memories, the everlastingness of affection, his delicate kisses that transfused into you where the ache was most special. Ben created a poison, but also had the cure. He created chaos, but also had the ability to create peace. He created darkness, but could also be awakened to produce illumination.

Both your souls had once felt they were joined for life, to strengthen, to rest on each...until only one remained with silent unspeakable memories of the last parting. You would hold a candle for him even if it burned your hand; now that the light had gone, you were still there in the darkness holding what remained, quite simply because you couldn't let go.

Your days were shattered as Ben was not present. Your soul was not satisfied that it'd lost him, his leaving had been like snipping off the end of a rope, leaving two unraveling strands. Your voice tried to find the wind to touch his hearing, his voide, his bright body, his inifinite eyes...nothing.

The chances of him making a full recovery grew lower and lower each day, was it time to try and move on?


	35. All Yours

Almost two weeks since you last saw Ben, the days had grown longer and longer, seemingly endless. There was a hole in your world where he used to live. You found yourself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. If you had a flower for each time you thought about him, you could walk through your personal garden forever. Knowing him was like finding out the secrets of the universe and leaving him was like being expected to somehow forget them all. There were seconds of remembering him throughout the day, moments when your heart twitched. Moments where you were hell-bent on forgetting his heaven-sent scent. You craved his mouth, his voice, his sleek laugh, his luscious hair, his hot heart, the feeling of being looked after, feeling like you were the only girl in his entire world. 

Today being his last day in the medbay, you were unsure if you favored the concept or if it caused you to feel uneasy, most likely a mixture of both. 

"Just to make sure he's safe, the knights and I are going to escort him onto the Finalizer when it arrives, did you wanna come down to the medbay with us?" Vicrul spoke softly, approaching with ease. 

"I'm not sure yet..." Your head hung low, discouraged to respond right away. 

"Whatever you choose, just let me know." He nodded understandingly.

"I will, thanks." You let a slight smile grow on your face to express your appreciation. 

Vicrul exited, leaving you alone to attentively decide on how you'd approach this situation. Of course you wanted to see Ben, you wanted to help him, but if that caused you to fall into another gaping hole of sadness, it ultimately wasn't worth it. You'd given up, coming to the heart wrenching conclusion that...he wasn't recovering anytime soon, that maybe he never would. 

Minutes passed by and within your physical stillness was a pounding, swelling heart, begging to leap out of your chest. The thought of Ben never knowing you like he used to; of him never giving you that same affection you'd spent so much energy fighting for, it was casting a blinding shadow on you like some sort of evil creature. But you still cared about him, that feeling would never depart, so you finally decided to tag along in traveling to the medbay. 

After collecting the very little amount of belongings you possessed, you left behind the room in which your sorrows now lingered. You made your way down to Vicrul's room as you rethought your decision, it was the right thing, seeing Ben again...this was good. You knocked softly and the door flung open. 

"Hey what's up?" Vicrul leaned against the frame, interested in your presence. 

"I'm gonna go, to the medbay with you guys..." You twiddled your thumbs, rocking back and fourth on the very heels of your feet. 

"Oh ok, well we're gonna head down in about a half an hour, you can wait here or I'll just come and get you from your room?" 

"Actually um, I wanna visit him alone first, if that's alright?" You hadn't processed the words that'd slithered out of your mouth until you heard them yourself. They must've found their own way out, displaying what your heart truly craved. 

"Yeah of course, I'll meet you down there." Vicrul nodded and returned into his room. 

On your journey down to the medbay, your emotions were a friend to your thoughts and you were the enemy to your emotions. Your internal organs grinded themselves into a nervous pulp, intestines leaving, kidneys disintegrating, stomach ringing itself out, yanking on your trachea.

You stopped, fixated on the door of Ben's room, your heartbeat an alive and determined entity trying to claw its way out of your throat. Sweaty hands clenched at your sides, you finally reached for the knob. 

When you entered, the utterly gut wrenching sight your eyes fell upon sent you into a feral state. Ferocious eyes locked on Calista, she was straddling Ben on his bed, passionately devouring his mouth. His hands were clasped around her waist, gripping her tightly and forcefully moving her hips in circles on top his groin. Her long, silky brunette hair swayed, brushing against his cheek as her pace increased.

Your mouth hung open in paralyzing shock, you were a silent fury in which no torment could tame. Your soul became so frigid that your entire anatomy shivered and twitched. In an instant, you realized your anger was even harder to endure than your crippling sorrow. 

As if your body had acted faster than your brain, you barged in and sunk your digits into both of her shoulders, yanking her off of him with intent to hurt. She abruptly collided with the white tile floor, entire frame smacking it without relent. 

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" She gawked and leaped up but was no match for your overwhelming crave, thirsty for blood...her blood.

You quickly snatched her uniform and held her at your mercy; not thinking twice about it, a revengeful, closed fist launched into her face. At this very moment, the only thing that mattered was inflicting pain, all the pain you'd felt these past few days. As if she were a punching bag, you didn't stop, violently beating her down until she was on the floor beneath you, surrendering, begging for you to stop. But you didn't hear a word over your blinding rage, only white noise crackling in your ear drums. Your pure, inarticulate fury filled the tiny room, making the air so tense, it was hard to even breathe. You were a raging fire from within the depths of your chest, a sizzling, uncontrollable flame.

A flash. Her face beneath you, drenched in glistening, maroon liquid that stained your own knuckles, evidence of your outlash. But you still didn't stop, it was intoxicating, addicting to have this much power over a human that you loathed entirely. She'd stolen the one person you cared most about; the one person who made you feel alive, made you feel like you mattered...the person who almost gave his damn life for you. 

All the loneliness, anger, hatred, envy, and desperation that your heart contained, if rolled into one single substance, poured over you like a thick bucket of molasses. You were stuck, attempting to plow your way through, but it was too heavy, too suffocating, too sticky, too debilitating. Lower jaw jutting out, it gave you the look of a wounded, vengeful boxer; grinding your teeth so loud, the sound must've echoed beyond your own recognition. Darkness, everything you knew and cared for was taken from you so harshly; you were lost in an abyss of numbness. 

But a startling hand fell upon your shoulder, prying you off of her. You stumbled back, butt placed onto the chilled floor as you hugged your legs, clutching them close to your chest. 

"You're fucking INSANE!" Calista shot up and clutched her face, shimmering red trailed down her hands; without hesitation she darted out of the room. 

When you finally lifted your head to breathe, a million stars turned black and faded away. No one could see them, only you, warping your brain with confusion, confusion of what'd just happened. You'd never been so malicious with another human being before, ever.

Ben hovered over you, "Why the fuck would you do that?" He zeroed in on your eyes and you swallowed hard. 

You rose up slowly, now standing directly in front of him like a brick wall, leaving a respectable amount of space between your chests. If you got any closer, you knew the sobs would leap out of your searing hot throat. But you already felt your lower lip quivering, the tears brimming, sloshing in you like water in a glass that was unsteady and too full. Immediately one tear, a tiny, salty, droplet of moisture was means of escape. Although just a small tear, it was the strongest thing in the world. 

You were silent, stuck in a blank state when his digits roughly clutched your shoulder, "Who the fuck are you?" He emitted a loud sigh of question. "And why do you keep coming back?"

This was the time to reveal everything, everything trapped behind your eyes, to see if he could understand all the trouble your brain's been brewing. You couldn't lock your thoughts away, if you ignored them any longer, they'd just grow louder and angrier. Ben was standing there like a remedy for heart palpitations; or maybe he even made them worse.

"L- let me show you." Your digits traveled up to find his hand resting upon your shoulder but he quickly jerked away. 

"What?" He furrowed his brows, puzzled by your words along with your touch.

You stood still, vision blurring, and in that moment, you heard your heart break. It was a small, clean sound, like the snapping of a flower's stem.

"Please." You gazed up at him with helpless eyes. 

Latching onto his wrist, you guided him back to you as if you were leading the blind. You placed his hand onto your upper chest, directly over your throbbing heart.

The warmth of his palm flowed directly through you like an undeniable force of passion, his touch it fueled you, satisfied the ache that'd been destroying and breaking you down. Sucking in a heaping breath of courage, you shut your eyes and all the world dropped dead; whenever you decided to lift them, you hoped all to be reborn.

"Be with me Ben." Both hands placed on top of his, you increased the pressure, locking him into the memory of you.

"Be with me." Your fingers sunk in between his as you whispered, letting your voice find his mind like leaves in the wind. 

Your desperation was a bird with delicate feathers, perched on your soul, singing a tune without words. Silent and starving, you prowled through your own mind hunting for evidence of your relationship. You paced around hungrily, hunting for the moments you cherished and held dear, like a puma in the wild. 

Something in particular was screaming to be shown, lashing out, unable to be ignored, so you strained your mind into reminiscing. A star tucked away in your sternum, you took it out and sketched a galaxy upon his brain;

Your head resting on the span of his rising chest, listening for a murmur, saying it was all a dream that night. His affection constricting your heart like a snake...overwhelming you with such a warm and serene emotion. The heavenly scent that traveled up from his black tee, putting you at peace, knowing he was right there, protecting you from anything and everything. Him eagerly pulling you close, cradling you and laying a deep kiss upon your head with his soft, pink lips. His sincere apology, a genuine emotion from within that you never thought you'd see. Him admitting to your significant impact on him, expressing that you were his weakness. The night that you'd made a breakthrough, the night in which you knew you would never be able to live without this man in your life. Ben was yours, you were his. When in his presence you felt as if you could rule the world, that you didn't need anyone but him, to hold you close, to care for you. You belonged together, without him, you were just a broken soul. 

"Do you remember that night Ben? You accepted me, you held me, so close...I- I'll never forget it, I know you haven't."

"I-" He fell silent, sweat beads arising on his tight and tense forehead. Ben's eyes shut as his digits sunk into your chest, reaching for a flare in the dark. 

"It's in there somewhere, find it." Your voice fell even softer as you continued to try and contact his heart. 

Ben was the gravity that held you down, the moon that shimmered throughout your night, the stars that glistened, the oxygen that kept you alive, the blood that flowed through you. He had the voice of when a mockingbird sings. 

He's the only guy you can see, he's your everything.

When you first met Ben, you felt like you'd known him forever. Over time you got to know the real him. A man, so complex and rough, but yet so caring and gentle, with a heart so true. He'd survived his life with hurt and loneliness by his side. You knew him like no one you have ever known. Meeting him changed your life, the feelings you held for him, you'll never let go. 

Now think harder.

There it was, the first time you'd seen Ben smile, the day he defeated Snoke, all for you. The way he held you tight like you were his other half that'd broken off and he was attempting to glue himself back together. Both your beaming grins, your laugh of victory, the sight of ruins that proved he'd do anything for you, anything to keep you safe, to keep you in his life.

"You fought for me." Your breath shuddered as you took your lip between your teeth in distress. "Remember?" The tears never stopped rolling, chasing one after the next; streaming down your cheeks, dripping off your jaw, trailing your neck, colliding with Ben's sincere hand placed upon you.

His fingers twitched and quaked as he sucked in another breath, a large, crisp puff of air.

"I'm in there...please, look for me." With vast force his hand felt as if it'd break right through you, as if it'd shatter your already damaged chest. Electricity pumped through your veins, introducing itself to your brain as if they'd been reunited. 

Your heart whispered until his finally whispered back. Ben's eyes shot open, falling upon the sight of you in front of him.  
His hands found your cheeks, gripping them passionately while searching your eyes as if you were a map he'd been striving to retrieve for years. 

"You're here."

There he was, back in your heart, a part of you, grafting into each limb and cell of your body. Though your soul had previously been set in darkness, it now ignited with the unexplainable feeling of crackling relief. Elation traveled through you like an ocean, a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

"Ben." Your face beamed, hands placed upon his broad chest. His name, sacred to your lips. A name you couldn't throw around lightheartedly or repeat without deep thought. You leaned into him as if he were a flame, you a moth, moving into the bright, shining light. His arms immediately engulfed you, clutching you close, letting you feel his joy, his undying desire for you. He gripped the back of your head and his lips sunk down onto it, laying a delicate kiss upon your scalp. 

"You remember me." Your arms squeezed his frame like you were an addict and he was your fix. The tears continued to drench your trembling face, rolling over your wide smile. 

He whispered in a tone you'd never heard before; the richest, most tranquil, tone. 

"You showed me...you knew I could never forget you." He let out a weak laugh of newly found relaxation. 

Ben's words were like an arrow, puncturing your beating heart, a wide bullseye. He'd finally made the whirling world stand still. The gallons of affection all ran together,  
the passion that roamed, looking for a home, drifted  
into you, filling your empty heart.

You sniffled into his chest before lifting your head to reach his stare, your hand ran over top of his shoulder then back down to his bicep, kneading his skin like dough. 

"You're mine, all mine." 

Ben's thumb soaked up the tears remaining on your face like a sponge, swiping underneath both eyes. The look he held caused your entire body to fall into a jello like state, absolutely hooked on his attention. In an instant his lips were locked hungrily on yours, familiarity living in the lining of his skin. You were lost in the maze of his kiss, lust breathing into you, expanding your lungs vigorously. He licked the sides and corners of your mouth, like sealing a thousand fleshy envelopes. This was the first kiss of the rest of your life. A kiss that confirmed that the universe was now aligned, that the world's greatest resource is affection. He pulled away, running his wide palm over your head, then returning to caress your cheek. 

"All yours angel."

As if your heart had stopped entirely, your brain began to beat. It pulsated with those intense words, the words that consumed you like fire, burning every drop of your blood. 

He was back, you were whole again.


	36. I Promise

\- - One Month Later - - 

Recently, life on the Finalizer had improved significantly. You were back on track at work and things with Ben were actually good. Of course you'd come across those little arguments here and there but overall, you were enjoying your days. 

\- -

"What's wrong?" You furrowed your brows, laying your hand to rest upon Ben's raised shoulder. 

"Nothing." He shook his head, falling backwards onto the bed and sprawling out completely. 

"Ben." You hovered over him, running your finger along his defined cheekbone, voice filled with sincerity. "You're a really bad liar." 

He let out a lazy laugh, eyes penetrating yours as he threaded through your draping hair. "Hux is on my case about the Super Laser; we failed to retrieved those parts when we traveled to Batuu so, some of the First Order engineers have been in charge of the new mechanics. But it's taking too long; we don't have time to sit around and wait for them to complete the task. We need it assembeled soon." 

"I- I'm sorry, I know we haven't really talked about what happened but, I fucked everything up, I know that. Please let me make up for it. There must be something I can do; anything?" Your expression was overcome with desperation and guilt. 

"No, I don't want you involved in this mess, it's too much. It'll be dealt with soon but the quicker the better, no one knows what the Resistance is planning." He sighed heavily, jaw tensing up the slightest bit. 

"What do you mean?" You tilted your head, bewildered and somewhat frightened by his comment on the Resistance. 

"N-nothing, it'll be fine." His hands clasped around your back, stroking along your spine with care. 

"Are you sure?" You swallowed hard studying his face attentively. 

"Yes. Come here." He pulled you close to his frame, your body jerked, falling on top of his which laid upon the mattress. "I don't want you to worry, ok?" 

"Ok." You nodded excessively, eyes distracted by his enhanced pink lips."I'm sorry again...for Batuu." Your gaze fell downwards, shameful of your mistake. 

"I know you are, it's ok." Thumb tracing your lower lip he stared up at you with desire, noticeably hungry for some sort of affection. 

You nodded and accepted his sentence. Returning the emotion of lust, your face descended, nose now centimeters away from his. 

In an instant, you moved on him, fiercely stealing a kiss. Tongue slowly caressing his at first, it rapidly transformed into a wild tempo as your paces increased. 

Your leg swung over his, placing yourself on top of his hips while his hands dug into the skin that encompassed your ass. You kissed him until reason seeped out through your pores and you became a living pulse, conscious only of what you wanted him to do. The scent of him clung to your nostrils, the taste plastering itself to your mouth. Tiny fireworks exploding all over, bits of you that you'd thought to be dead, reigniting to life. 

You wanted to take him in your possession and drink the honey from his delicious lips forever. His tongue was one of his greatest qualities. He knew exactly how to use it. It spoke life into you, awakening gifts in you that you didn't know existed.

It all happened so fast, in record timing you both stripped, articles of clothing building up in a small pile upon the floor. 

Lips locked on yours once again, he made it known the crave he held for your kisses, tongue intruding every crevice of your mouth. His wet and warm lips descended down your body as he pulled you in close, straining his neck to reach your frame from over top of him. He worshipped every square inch of your torso, leaving beads and dainty puddles of saliva on top, breathing heavily into your sizzling skin. "Mine. You'll always be fucking mine." Ben studied your bare figure while running his hands along your ribs, up to your breasts.

Without hesitation, you immediately sunk down onto his slick shaft. His hands clamped on your waist as you rolled your hips on top of his sex. "Y-yes." A weak moan escaped your lips as you took in his width and length. He let out a low groan, teeth sinking into his lower lip with pleasure. 

Your hands found his reddened, pumped out chest, and your nails sunk into it as you steadied your movement. It was a passionate motion filled with all your desire for him, for moments like these. His arms latched around you, securing your figure and forcing you down farther onto his dick, relentlessly pushing into your cervix. 

You met his thrusts, breasts bouncing as you rode the length of his member in every direction possible. Reaching for the top of his head, his fragile skull, you pulled on his luscious hair, expressing your painful enjoyment. 

"Just like that." His eyes big love-crumbs, voice husky with need. "My girl, you feel so good." He sucked in a deep breath through his nose. 

When Ben's touch met with your skin, the electric feel was indescribable. The fullness of him moving into you, it sent you into another dimension. One that you held dear to your heart, one that you craved to visit every second of everyday. 

"My slut, you're perfect." His breath hitched as he reached up to grasp both breasts, kneading them in his grasp then releasing them to lay down a fierce slap. 

"F-fuck me harder. Fuck me Ben." Your head flew back, locks moving out of your dampened and dewy face, as you cooed on top of him.

Wordlessly he flipped you onto your back and hovered over your frame. With broad, gleaming shoulders, he plunged right into you; one long, delicious move. He guided his thrusts feeding it in like line as you began to squirm, crying out. Tranquil, deliberate, his eyes never left yours as he pumped in fast, trembling runs. The head of his shaft touched bone, it seemed. Your lids shut automatically as your powerful moans began to transform into animalistic sounds. 

"Open your eyes," he ordered. "Look at me." You did just that, blinking rapidly into his glistening hazel eyes. "That's it angel." he encouraged, voice turning velvety. "Just keep your eyes on me." He gripped your waist even tighter while you moaned beneath him.

You felt all of him pass into you. His thumb found your swollen clit, tracing it with circular motions and increasing pressure as your body responded and twitched. 

"FUCK, Y-YES." You cried out.

"You like that my little whore?" He took the bones of your hips and pulled himself in until he'd fully stirred, speed tumbling on top of your clit, pleasuring you in every way possible. 

"YES, SUPREME LEADER!" You flashed him the warmest, most seductive smile, floating upon a cloud of delight.

"That's right. That's my good girl." He took your face beneath his grasp, squeezing your cheeks together harshly "You belong to me, only me. That precious smile, it's mine." 

You nodded excessively, gliding your tongue over top of your plump lips. 

He pressed his frame down on your stomach and your sweat slick bodies morphed together as his mouth landed on yours. You breathed the passionate kiss in, into your lungs, under your tongue, between your fingers and toes; his mind was half in yours. His tongue scraped the roof of your mouth as he rolled your clit between his thumb and index finger. You gasped, screeching as your back lifted off of the mattress and your body arched, bending in two. 

"Louder." He murmured against your lips. 

One hand fully latched around your throat, the other clawed at your locks, threading through your hair, yanking mercilessly. Ben's tongue swept your mouth again, your hips undulated, demanding more, craving the fullness of him. His growl echoed in your chest as he increased his pace.

"Don't stop. Please!" Your volume echoed, obeying Ben's demand. Anatomy now awakened, your muscles better and nerves more.

"Let everyone hear what a dirty little girl you are for my cock. Louder." 

"YESS, FUCK!" This moan was genuine, from the very depths of your throat as he filled you with purely violent thrusts. 

His lips traveled down, tending to your neck with sloppy moist kisses. You moaned and tilted your head back to give him better access. His hands cupped your breasts, then moved, one going to clamp your outer thigh, the other sliding between you both. His hips pushed against the bundle of nerves at the apex of your thighs, you groaned while continuing to shatter. Your arms latched around him, digits raking his back, on the brink of drawing blood. This moment, when it was just you and him, nothing between your bodies...this, this was paradise. A dreamt of, erotic, fiery, dark paradise.

"On your knees. Now." He abruptly pulled out of you and helped to position you on your hands and knees in the middle of the bed. 

He didn't touch you at first. You were cold and bare without him. But soon enough, he nudged your legs apart with his knees, spreading you as he gripped your hips, tugging them upwards. He immediately slammed into your sheath so viciously that you launched forwards onto your elbows. You moaned into the pillow at every glorious inch of him, rising onto your forearms as your fingers grappled into the sheets. The trembling, firm, smoothness of his hip bones pressed against your ass. He laid a fiery slap upon your ass, following with another, and another, passion increasing with each one. Your reddened skin sizzled as a glob of his saliva cascaded down to soothe it. 

"B- BEN." Nothing but your skin meeting and ear shattering moans filled the room. 

"Do you like when your Supreme Leader spits on you? Hmm?" His words were rich with dominance.

"YES SUPREME LEADER." Your voice screeched as you replied. 

"Of course you do." Moving forward, his fingers pulled back your hair like torn silk, disappearing into you even more. Swooping around from the side, his digits dug into your face as he launched a mass amount of saliva into your mouth. "Swallow." He patted you on the cheek and released you from his grasp. 

Without relent, his stamina increased and he reached places of your body that were completely foreign to you. A whole new universe of enjoyment, force rotating your buzzing clit, your words babbled,

"IM GON- MAY I PLEASE CUM S- SUPREME LEADER?" 

He twisted a bundle of hair around his wrist and pulled your head up to meet his lips, "Cum for me sweetheart." 

Your entire frame twitched and quaked with pleasure. Your chest fell heavy with delight as your eyes disappeared into the very rear of your head. "MMM FFU-CK!" The words fell from your mouth effortlessly as you relished the moment of pure ecstasy.

With one last, forceful move, he buried himself inside of you, spreading his warm and hot cum into the depths of your stomach. His frame jolted forwards and shook from behind you. "Y-you always take me so well angel." His fingers sunk into your breasts from underneath. "Does it feel good? Having that little cunt stuffed with my cum?" 

"Yes. Yes it does." Completely enervated, you both crashed onto the mattress, stomachs facing upward, spinning in a world of enlightenment. 

Your hand reached for his, fingers interlocking with endearment as you rolled onto your side to face him. You propped yourself up onto your elbow and studied the movement of his breathing attempting to steady itself, chest rising and falling slowly. His face shifted towards yours as you lost yourselves in one another's heavy gaze. 

His arms traveled beneath your frame, lifting you off the bed and cradling you close to his chest. 

"Let's get you cleaned up." He brushed away a stray hair that had stuck to your sweat infused forehead. You nodded staring up at him with nothing but a wide and beaming grin.

Ben tended to you in the shower, washing away all the roughness he'd inflicted on your body, filling it with softness instead. After exiting the steamy enclosure, he held out a large cotton towel, gesturing to wrap you in it. You moved in, letting him secure it around your figure as you found yourself stuck in a trance of his attention. He tugged on the fabric, squeezing you in his arms when he finished creating a cocoon around your body. With a firm grasp of your head, he leaned down and placed a delicate kiss upon the tip of your nose.

"Come." He snatched your hairbrush from the bathroom counter and guided you over to the bed, situating himself behind you.

Ben raked the brush through your hair gently, steering clear of any movement that may cause you the slightest bit of discomfort. Your heart swelled at his care, he'd been treating you so well, this was what you'd always dreamt of with him. Just this. Recently, the true passion and care for one another, was rising and overpowering the toxicity that once was. A deep feeling of affection pierced your souls together and you had an energy dependency on each other. Life was good. Your relationship was finally good.

Hours later it fell to be dusk and you'd just finished devouring a fulfilling dinner. You practically lived in Ben's quarters now, occasionally returning to yours strictly to retrieve clothes or any other necessities. 

"Are you getting up early tomorrow? I need you to wake me, I have work at 8:00." You slid underneath the fluffy comforter and curled up next to his frame. 

"Yeah, I'll be up." His arm swung around, engulfing you into his touch and helping you to nestle into the crevice of his neck. 

The two of you laid on the bed, closer than a hand in a glove,"Thanks." Gazing up at him, you planted a light kiss upon his lips. You buried yourself into his figure and dozed off, elated with your reality, being held by Ben as he too fell into a deep sleep.

\- - 

It must've been hours later when you felt a violent shake, signaling you to wake up. "Come on, we have to go." Ben leaped up from the bed and yanked you from the mattress. 

"What the fuck?" You rubbed your droopy eyes, perplexed as ever. "What's going on?"

"I-it's the Resistance, they're planning an attack. We need to leave. Now." You witnessed the worry on his expression and it alarmed you to no end. 

"O-oh my-" You jumped up without hesitation and quickly slipped into your shoes.

You dashed out the door with Ben and tailed him in the hallway as he ran at an ungodly speed. Fingers intertwined with yours, he kept you close in his supervision. 

"Ben, can you slow down a little?" You simply couldn't keep up. 

In an instant, he swept you off your feet and grasped you tighter than ever before; you could feel the vibration of his increasing heart rate, hear the shudder within each breath he consumed. You bounced in his arms as he charged down the hall with determination, one hand on your back, the other supporting the back of your head, protecting you from anyone, or anything that may be a threat.

"W-where are we going?" Your voice shook as your hands fell upon his shoulders. 

"I'm getting you on a ship, you're leaving with Vicrul." He took in a gulp of air, increasing his stamina. 

"I'M WHAT?!" Your throat swelled at the thought of departing without Ben. "I'M NOT LEAVING YOU." Volume now increased, you gripped his arms firmly between each hand. 

"This isn't up for discussion. He'll take care of you I- I have to stay here and help; I want you away from the Finalizer, this is one of their main targets. I can't abandon the ship, please, just cooperate." He looked down at you with sheer desperation, pleading for you to obey him. 

"Ben I- no...I can't." You shook your head, refusing entirely. 

"Yes, you can." He came to an abrupt stop in front of a large set of doors and tapped his foot anxiously as if he were waiting upon an arrival. 

You gazed up at him with wide, watery eyes as you latched around his frame. The tears began to roll, there was no chance you were leaving without him. 

"No." Your voice trembled as your body quaked against his, legs securing around his hips and hands latching around the nape of his neck. 

His arms encompassed your waist even tighter than before as he took your head and hugged you dearly to his chest, "You won't ever be without me, I promise." Ben cupped your face with both hands and sealed your lips with a heartfelt kiss. "I'll find you." His hands shook while pressed against your cheeks, this moment noticeably striking a nerve with him. "Please, go with Vicrul." He massaged your head gently, fingers threading through strands of hair. 

"You promise?" You stuck your pinky out and searched for his, drawn to it like a magnet. 

"What's that angel?" He furrowed his brows at your gesture. 

"A pinky promise...here give me your pinky, then I'll know you won't break the promise." You gazed up at him, observing his eyes, pupils widened to mimic a full moon. 

He shot you a smile of admiration and held his hand out. You latched onto his finger, hooking it with raw passion and affection. You were wild, pulled into shreds, crushed all at once, but you gave him a single head bow, agreeing to depart. Your lower lip quivered as you leaned back in to savor the precious moment, grasped by him. 

"Good, very good." He took your head and pressed it to his lips, penetrating your scalp with the most delightful and genuine kiss.

Soon enough, the creak of metal signaled Vicrul's arrival. "Supreme Leader." He gave Ben a rushed nod of respect and curtesy as he trotted through the doors. 

"Take her on the silencer, there's a tracker...I'll know where to find you." His tone was stern and demanding. 

"Ok." Vicrul nodded excessively.

Ben's grip loosened as he moved to release you onto the floor, but you immediately interrupted the act. "Wait, please...just let me stay." Your hand fell upon his core as you pawed at him with fear.

His eyes were a midnight moment filled with memories, the only windows into your world. They blazed; such a different look than you'd known before. He studied you, reading your emotions with some galactic heart. Ben picked you back up, encircling your body until it became an effort to breathe through your suffocating contact. He shifted the two of you a few feet away from Vicrul, in the very corner of the hallway. It was just you and him, as if you were the only humans remaining in this chaotic galaxy. His hand rested upon your upper back, pulling you in close. Chin resting upon your shoulder, he pressed his lips directly next to your ear.

"Listen to me angel, I love you." His voice a hush whisper, the words flowed freely and fluently from his lips. Leaning back, his hand found your cheek, caressing it with care and absorbing your tears. "And this isn't goodbye, you know that." The world stopped existing, as his eyes mimicked yours. Gentle and loving. Feeding your hope and starving your anguish.

Your breath hiccuped as you processed those three sacred words. Those three words he uttered would surely make the sun rise again. Those golden words, emitting a warmth that spread from your stomach and didn't halt until it reached your pulsating fingertips. You gazed into his infinite eyes, speechless, because there, in front of you, lied your everything. You inhaled the beauty of your memories, flashbacks that burnt your flesh, the love you breathed through every single skin pore. You realized that your heart was a space so sacred, that no one could ever enter but him.

He loved you. 

Without hesitation the words escaped your lips as if they'd been locked inside all your life, waiting to reach his soul.

"I love you too Ben."

Saying those words freed you like a wildfire and you threw yourself into that fire. Love had found you when you'd both hid from it so masterfully, and it somehow new just when to strike, now an undying match. He was the sole reason for your ecstasy, the purpose for your existence

"Now, go with him. For me." He brushed his gloved thumb beneath your eye, circling down to your cheekbone.

"O-ok." Your head sunk down, painfully obeying his wish. 

Ben flashed you an expression of thanks and made his way back to Vicrul. Slowly but surely, he lowered you down onto the ground, pulling away, his grip was now no stronger than strands of a spiderweb. Your knees were weak, shins wobbly as stood before him, eyes never departing.

"Take care of her." He stared deep into Vicrul's soul as he fed him the order. 

"I will, don't worry." Vicrul reassured Ben, giving him a light tap on the shoulder.

"Goodbye." Your voice shook as you took in all of his existence. 

"Stop that. I'll see you soon." He gave you one last hug, a hug so tight that it could last you the rest of your life if necessary, an oasis of tranquillity in the midst of a nightmare. "I promised, remember?" Ben held out his pinky, now reaching for yours. Your face beamed and the tears poured out as you wrapped your finger around his.  
He stole a passionate kiss, a kiss that shook you to the core.

"See you soon." You whispered softly, pulling away from him and taking a sharp breath in to subside your nerves. 

"You ready?" Vicrul shot you a look of question. 

"Yeah." You swallowed hard and turned your back on Ben, starting down the hall. 

You didn't get every far before your head whipped around to glance over your shoulder. Your gaze landed upon him as he remained rooted in the same spot, standing tall and watching you depart with fists clenched by his side. Despite the pain in eyes, he gave you a single nod of comfort and pivoted around, heading off in the opposite direction. You observed, all the way until his silhouette faded into the darkness. A shadow of pain casted over you as you saw the man you loved disappear so suddenly. You had absolutely no room for the fear of never seeing him again, or for any other fear, because you were already filled to the brim with worry.

"It's ok, you'll see him again, I'm sure of it." Vicrul increased his pace as you both reached the ship garage. 

You nodded, sniffling through the remainder of your distress, heart knocking on your chest as if it were searching for a way out. You'd wait for Ben until your soul bled. You'd wait because you loved him. 

The two of you entered the silencer and you sat at the very edge of his knee. It was all about survival, there was no intimacy to be found and you didn't wish for there to be. 

As you took off, soaring through space, your hands clung to a rear window, fingertips suctioning to the glass. You were adrift in a sea of madness, view fixated on the Finalizer behind you. Inwardly torn to death, a stray tear trailed down your cheek as you departed from your home. Not your home the Finalizer. Your home...Ben.


	37. No Turning Back

[BEN'S POV]

Ben witnessed his greatest treasure departing from him, he studied the very last moments of your presence, engraving the sight of you into his mind. He promised he would find you, and he would. Nothing would stop him from reuniting with the one person he cherished most. With a painful pivot, he turned away from you and headed down the hall, distress swarming his nearly shattered chest. Long and passionate strides carried him to the front of the ship alongside Hux and his affiliates. 

"Fire on those ships!" Ben lunged forwards, pointing a threatening finger at the herd of TIE fighters that were racing towards the Finalizer. 

The man obliged, laying a harsh finger down on the wide, red button. The Supreme Leader watched as orange and red flames sparked within the abyss of galaxy. 

"MORE!" He spat, straining his voice box with very little care. "MORE!" One after the other, the ships descended down. "MORE!" Sweat pooled upon his forehead and upper lip. 

Ben never saw the blast coming. Nobody did, until it was too late. A blow shot through the window, shattering the glass into tiny fragments which now laid upon the control panel and floor. Hux was hit, down came another, people dropping all around him. Without hesitation, Ben's frame hit the cold black floor in attempts to shield himself from the lethal explosions. The Finalizer was being obliterated, the First Order's chance of survival was lower than ever before. 

Panic took home in his heart, aching and clinging onto the thought of his angel, every aspect of you. All that mattered to him was your safety, he knew Vicrul would care for you...but that wasn't enough. Sorrow struck him like an arrow, there was that chance, that lingering possibility that he may have to break his meaningful promise. 

A very long time ago, Ben's desire for you had morphed into an aspect that he'd sell his soul to protect. He wasn't important, not in this moment, this was about you, only you. He'd given his life for you once, and he wouldn't hesitate to do it again. The realization hit him violently, he may not make it out alive. But that didn't matter, just as long as you were breathing. 

[YOUR POV] 

*I recommend listening to "As The World Caves In" by Matt Maltese and "Wait" by M83 for the remainder of this chapter :))* 

"Where are we going?" You sniffled, moving deeper and deeper into the shimmering atmosphere of stars and space. 

"I'm not sure yet. Anywhere but here." Vicrul gripped the controls firmly, sucking in a deep breath of additional courage. "Any ideas?" 

"I- I don't know." You sighed, massaging the sides of your head. "I mean there's that one place, no one really goes there. It's got a bunch of islands or something? Has to do with the Jedi Order?" 

"You mean Ahch-To?" The tone of his voice had increased. 

The word was so foreign to your brain, it was rarely spoken of within the First Order."Yeah that's it, how about there?" You shrugged both shoulders. 

"Why there?" Vicrul's expression was overcome with bewilderment. 

"I've heard it's safe...isn't it? We can wait for Ben there." You spoke with weariness, hoping he'd agree to hold up on the planet for the night. 

"If that's what you want then yeah, that's fine." His speed accelerated and you attempted to balance yourself on his legs. 

"Ok." You shifted slightly in his lap as your fingertips twitched on top of your thighs."Ben will be ok...right?"

"Yes." He spoke with certainty. 

"But how do you know that?" You furrowed your brows, seeking more clarity. 

"Because, I do." Vicrul cleared his throat and rolled his tense shoulders back. 

"What do you mean?" His confidence towards the situation seemed questionable to you and your voice morphed into a concerned tone. 

"I've known Ben for a long time, I've never seen him care about someone so much...you're really important to him." 

You stayed silent, unable to formulate a response. 

"He never chose to show his emotions unless he was angry. You've done something to change that. I think he knows by now, you're good for him." 

Your head sunk down and your arms fell low in deep thought. You knew you were good for him, but he was good for you.

"What was he like, when you first met him?" You gathered yourself and continued on with the conversation, hoping to dive deeper into Ben's past. 

"When I met him...he was Kylo Ren. But I'd heard stories of Ben Solo, how he was the son of Han's...how he was seduced by the dark side." 

"Well, was he happy? Before then?" You brushed the few stray hairs out of your face and tuned in even more. 

"For the most part yeah, I think he was." You sensed Vicrul nod his head from behind you. 

"W- when I'm with him, when you see us together, is he like that? How he was before?" Your voice shook, wanting nothing more than to be someone who had made Ben feel like his old self. 

"I never knew him as Ben, but I'd say yeah. And I'm not just trying to please you by saying that, because he is happy...I can tell." A small puff of air emitted from his nose and it tickled the back of your neck. You nodded, processing Vicrul's reply as a slight smile formed across your face. 

"Stop worrying, he's gonna be fine." His voice radiated a faint aura of relief. 

"I know, I just hope you're right." You sucked your lower lip in between your teeth, picking at the skin surrounding one of your thumbs.

"I am r-" 

An abrupt explosion in the distance interrupted Vicrul's sentence and the ship began to sway, quaking beneath each of your bodies. 

"What's going on?" Your chest was swarmed with fear as another boom rose from behind you. 

Whipping your head around, your breath shuddered. Your eyes fell upon the gut wrenching sight of the Finalizer, aflame. "No." You saw a bright portion that shaded into  
darkness and then, you couldn't see beyond that. Your heart shattered, pieces of it now sitting in the very depths of your stomach. "NO!" Your mind fogged with blinding shock and your brain ran wild, pierced with shards of glass. 

"SHIT." Vicrul panicked and began to pick up speed. 

"WHAT! N-NO WE HAVE TO GO BACK!" You choked on your words, not holding back the sorrow and despair welling in your eyes. "GO BACK!" You spat. 

"IT'S TOO DANGEROUS." His voice shook as he sailed away from the ball of fire behind you. 

"I DON'T CARE, GO BACK! NOW!" You strained your voice as you pressed your fingertips against the crimson stained window. Watching as the blood orange flames spread rapidly, you felt all the strength you once carried, depart. "BEN'S IN THERE WE HAVE TO GET HIM!" A beat. "HE NEEDS US!" Your mind ran wild at the thought of loosing him. Your fist collided with the glass as the tears slipped into your tense mouth. "WE HAVE TO HELP HIM!" With another powerful hit, you whined hysterically.

"I-I'M SORRY...WE CAN'T." The world kept turning as he spoke, the seconds kept on ticking. Your chest was beaten in, broken down. Your soul was torn directly from your body.

"PLEASE!" You shut your lids and looked away, burying your head in your lap."Please." You whispered weakly as your heart pounded against your sternum, begging to be comforted. Streams flowed down your face as each of your limbs shook in fear; fear of the loss. 

"I told him I'd keep you safe, w-we can't go back." He spoke quietly.

"BUT YOU HAVE TO TRY...PLEASE!" Your fingers raked through your hair, tugging it away from your scalp in distress. Your eyes shot back open, the pain buried you like a landslide of sharp, sad rocks. You were heavy from all of the suffocating pressure on your heart. 

"WE'LL GET OURSELVES KILLED!" His sentence struck your body like a bolt of lightning, igniting a painful sizzle within your limbs. 

"JUST FUCKING TURN AROUND!" All the weight around you drifted, you felt the squeezing of your lungs, the slow, low pressure. You let yourself go deeper, settling into the horrifying nightmare that was now reality. There was nothing but a bottomless pit, nothing but an echo of darkness. 

"I CAN'T!" Vicrul's voice shook as blankets of lustrous stars passed you by outside. 

"YES YOU CAN! PLEASE, GO BA-" Violent cries fell from your lips as tears stained your reddened cheeks. "YOU TOLD ME HE WOULD BE OK!" The screeches crept up from your throat as you sunk into a state of wild hysteria. Everything inside of you screamed for just one more kiss, one more word, one more glance, one more. 

Suddenly, you lunged forwards and your hands fell upon Vicrul's, attempting to get a hold of the controls. 

"HEY, HEY CALM DOWN!" The ship swayed horizontally, making threatening zig zags in the night sky. "I'M SORRY! I..." He noticeably held back the tears of guilt, "I didn't know this would happen."

"I DON'T CARE! WE'RE GOING BACK FOR HIM!" The fighter flew at an unruly rate as you tried at a wide turn.

"THERE'S NOTHING TO GO BACK TO!" The words he spoke were incomprehensible to you, almost deafening.

Your hands fell limp and Vicrul pried your fingers from the two control sticks. You jerked your head and gawked at him, stunned at what you'd just heard. You fell silent. The gears in your brain rusted from the drainage of tears. There was a sharp edge to the new grief, it severed nerves, disconnected reality, you let it tear you apart from the inside out, slashing and tearing at your insides. 

"You don't understand I- I can't lose him...please." Both fists collided with your thighs as you frantically expressed your suffering. Your entire body shook, "Vicrul, I need him."

"Nobody is left." His breath shuddered and he swallowed hard. "Look." 

Black smoke danced in the air, almost hard to see as it matched the night sky. The fierce blaze of fire reflected off of the ship window and your chin shook weakly. "DON'T SAY THAT!" Your forehead collided with the chilled glass as you took one last glance at the orange dot far behind you. "HE'S NOT GONE, H-HE PROMISED ME!" You gasped for oxygen through your cries but all you could take in was more sickening sadness. 

It struck you; you were abandoning someone you thought you'd love forever. Someone you had watched grow and change for the better, someone that cared about you, someone that loved you back. 

You ached to feel Ben's touch once more. To have him caress your cheek in the unique and delicate way that nearly made you melt; when he would run only the soft pad of his thumb across your face and use those damnable, hazel eyes to stare into your soul. You were starved to hear his laughter, to see the somewhat rare, beaming smile of his. The one that emitted a warm ray of sunshine upon your heart whenever it decided to make an appearance. You screamed to nuzzle into the crevice of his neck again, to feel so incredibly tranquil while pressed against his warm frame, to have him hold you in his arms like he had on all your affectionate nights. But most of all, you needed him tell you that he loved you...just one last time. 

The night was shattered as the bright stars shivered in the distance. To think that you might've lost him, that sickening thought drowned you in a pool of sorrow. You pulled in your distress from around the waist of the world and draped it over your shoulder. His love engulfed you as you imagined what could've been, if things had worked out. It wasn't supposed to end like this. It wasn't supposed to end...at all.


	38. Home

\- - One Year Later - - 

The vibrant emerald grass upon Ach-To never failed to brighten your eyes on the dull days that you mourned the thought of Ben. You would sit upon the rolling hills, stare down at the murky blue water, and review each and every one of his traits. The faint sunshine would peak through the fluffy clusters of clouds, and you would realize over and over again that those traits had much more meaning than you dared to recognize before. So much meaning that it scared you. 

Before the incident, you just lived. Just took for granted the love and laughter of each day on the Finalizer. You didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it. Now that your whole world had shattered, now that you were alone, you began to see that it wasn't just an episode with Ben. It was a whole movie. It was everything, every precious memory you had ever created together. The love you shared was so imperfect at times, that the loss of him had woken you to the deeper beauty of it all. 

But the pleasure of fully remembering him was taken from you, because he was no longer there to remember with. You'd lost the sight of him, his smile, his scent, his touch. As if the things you'd done were less real and less important than they had been months and months before. The spaces between the times you missed him grew longer. Then, when you did remember to miss him again, it was still with a stabbing pain to the heart. And you had guilt, guilt because it'd been too long since you missed him last. Some days were good...others were bad. On those bad days, grief pounded over you in waves that left you gasping. 

You would never be the same again. You would never love the same again. Vicrul knew that, he respected that. He would comfort you as you cried, because you hadn't yet come back from where you went with Ben. A broken fragment of your pulsing, pumping heart was still there. And it belonged to him. 

The two of you had spent so much time together that now, your relationship was a new found refuge for you both. You only had each other left. Although your world would never appear the same, you realized that you had to move on. And that was the hardest part. But day after day, Vicrul was there by your side to support you. 

\- - 

You woke to the sun beams shining through the tiny cracks of your stacked stone home. Using your forearm to shield your tired and puffy eyes, you rolled onto your side. Vicrul was no where to be found. While stretching your frame, you stepped out into the warm and moist air. Locks of your hair flowed in the wind as you scanned the area, finding him by his lonesome. He stood on the edge of a steep rock, catching some food from the broad body of water below. 

"Morning." You hollered across the land. 

"Morning, I thought I'd catch us some breakfast before we head to Endor." His voice swirled over the uneven ground. 

"Endor? For what?" With arms folded closely to your chest, you reached him. 

"The annual Festival Of Love." He whipped his head around and shifted his attention onto you. "You said you wanted to go, remember?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot that was today. When are we leaving?" You tilted your head to the side. 

"About an hour or so. Want some?" He held out an elongated stick with some sort of fishy creature impaled on the tip of it.

"No thanks, I'm not that hungry. I'm gonna get ready now so just come in whenever you're done." You flashed a grin and pivoted around, starting on your way back.

"Ok." His distant voice registered in your ears and you grew giddy with excitement for the festival. 

\- - 

Rhythm vibrated every bone in your body as you stepped into the crowd of limited humans and abundant Ewoks. Symphonies of laughter rose up from the dancing cluster and you shot Vicrul a beaming smile. 

"Thank you for bringing me here." Your expression was overcome with sincerity as you stared up at him. 

"You're welcome. I knew how much you wanted to come." He caressed your head with care. "C'mon" The two of you shuffled your feet in the neutral toned sand and moved deeper into the bunch. 

A stray Ewok caught your immediate attention as it brushed up against your leg. The friendly, furry creature handed you a delicately crafted necklace made up of colorful beads and flowers. The peace offering warmed your heart and you smiled graciously. "Thank you!" You slid it over your neck and turned to face Vicrul. "So how do I look?" A giggle slipped from your lips. 

"You look beautiful." He grasped the necklace and ran his fingertips along the vibrant beads. 

"Let's dance!" You latched onto his arm and dragged him, traveling to the center of the festival. 

"Oh I don't know about th-" He hesitated, attempting to root himself to the ground below.

"Don't be like that, c'mon!" You gave a harsh tug with wide and eager eyes. 

He remained solid in a wide stance. 

"Please." You effortlessly batted your lashes. 

"Alright, fine." Vicrul gave you an affectionate nod and followed along. 

His hand engulfed your waist and the pair of you swayed to the tune of upbeat music. Pressed close against his frame, you gazed up into his eyes.

"I never thought that I'd be here." Your face ignited with happiness as you increased the pace of your movement. 

"Neither did I." Vicrul laughed, staring down at you with a soft expression. 

"We need to go to more events like this. We never do anything." You tilted your head slightly, placing a delicate hand upon his broad chest. 

"Ok, we will then." He met your hand with his own and squeezed gently. 

"Really?" You furrowed your brows, deeply processing his reply. 

"Yeah." He nodded and gave a lazy smirk. 

You were overcome with satisfaction, being stuck on Ach-To all the time had gotten pretty old over the recent months. You needed some adventure back in your life. 

An especially tall male stood in the very front of the dancing crowd, clapping to gather the attention of humans, Ewoks, and other creatures. "Can I have your attention please!" He gave one last, passionate clap. 

You and Vicrul shifted to face forwards. His hand rested upon your hipbone, still keeping you close and safe within his grasp. 

The announcer began, "Welcome to the annual Festival Of Love everyone! We gather here to celeb-" 

His words immediately faded out, no longer registering in your brain. Instead, your mind fixated on a word much more important. It rose from behind you and crept into your ear, causing your knees to quake uncontrollably. 

"Angel?" 

Your heart found it's way to the back of your throat and your limbs became frail with pure shock and astonishment. You didn't hesitate to whip around and let your gaze fall upon a sight so nerve racking, yet so utterly heart warming. Those familiar hazel eyes pierced yours and reality danced an electric number up your spine. 

"B-Ben?"

He was there. He was alive. 

The world around you stopped, the music became drowned with white noise and static. You gawked as your lower lip quivered. Crystal tears of comfort and warmth collected within your heavy eyes. Every feeling you've ever had for him came rushing back like a tidal wave. You couldn't control your heart as it thumped out of control in your chest, insistent on reminding you that it was still beating. Beating for Ben.

As you scanned his familiar body, the sight of hands intertwined caught your attention and out from the crowd emerged Lydia. Ben stared back at you, blinking hard with confusion as he studied the way Vicrul had his arm wrapped around your figure. 

"I-" 

He cut your sentence short. 

"I found you." Ben released Lydia and stepped closer towards you. His arms spread wide like eagle wings and his brow twitched with an unidentifiable emotion. 

You carelessly broke away from Vicrul's grasp and didn't hesitate to jump into Ben's now open arms. He engulfed your frame, lifting you from the ground as your legs latched around his waist. You closed your eyes and nuzzled your head into his neck. There was nothing like an embrace after an absence. Nothing like fitting your face into the curve of his shoulder and filling your lungs with the scent of him.

"Y-you're here." Heavy sobs escaped and you looked up at him with wide and wet eyes. 

As Vicrul and Lydia stood with weak smiles, the two of you turned to face them. They each gave a nod and Vicrul ushered Lydia further into the crowd away from you both. 

He looked down to meet your gaze and swiftly brushed back your hair. You let your hot tears seep into his mouth as he sealed your lips with a passionate and wild kiss. His mouth moved fiercely over yours, urging your lips apart. It was a kiss to level mountains and shake stars from the sky.

He pulled away, "I promised you, didn't I?" Caressing your cheeks with care, he let both thumbs soak up the wetness that had gathered on your searing skin.

You were afraid to blink, afraid that this might all be a dream, and that you might wake up. But it wasn't. You were finally gifted the hungry love that you'd been denied for an entire year. 

Ben stroked the back of your head and placed a sincere kiss upon your forehead. He gripped your head between his hands and his voice fell soft. "For months I've wanted you in my arms. I though it would never be possible again. I- I didn't know if you were still out there." You witnessed his lower lip jump. 

A faint weep escaped as his words engulfed your heart. "What happened to you? To everything?" You searched his face like a map and spoke frantically, letting both of your hands fall upon his cheeks. 

"We escaped before the Finalizer was destroyed. But it was just us. I- I couldn't find you, the Silencer GPS was demolished in the fire. I've been searching, visiting every planet with Lydia, we- I didn't forget about you." He shook his head excessively and his black, grown out hair swayed gracefully, just like you remembered. 

"Ben, I thought...I thought that I'd never see you again. I thought that you-" You swallowed hard as your dainty fingers shook upon his flesh. "The Finalizer is gone?" 

He nodded.

"Oh my-" Your body shivered with remorse as you pictured all of the people that you had left behind. They were all gone. 

"Shh, it's ok. I'm here now." He rubbed your back with care, running his digits up and down your spine. "Where have you guys been all this time?" 

"Ahch-To" Your voice cracked, body still stunned at the moment you'd dreamt of for months; reuniting with him.  
"Wait, why are you here?" Both of your brows furrowed. 

"I hoped you- I knew if you were still out there somewhere, that you might come here." His sore eyes penetrated your own as they became coated with a sheet of glass. 

"How'd you know?" You sniffled, moving inwards even more. 

"On Canto Bight, you told me that you've always wanted to come here. I've been waiting for months. I wasn't giving up." He tucked a stray hair of yours behind your ear. 

"You remember that?" You sucked in a sharp breath as your heart swelled with affection. 

"Yes. I remember everything about you Angel, more than you'd think." Ben placed a hand upon the back of your neck and pulled you in closer towards the comfort of him. 

You felt his warmth radiate into your body and you smiled. Your sobbing increased and you tightened your grasp on him. "W-what happened to Star Killer? Your lips quivered.

"It's practically gone. I haven't been back in months." He shook his head lazily. 

"What?" You swallowed hard. 

"It's destroyed, most of it." He grasped your head to lay it upon his rising and falling chest. 

Your lids fluttered before shutting and you let his soul reunite with yours. "Ben?" You whispered softly. 

"Yes?" His words danced around in your head, igniting a wildfire within your chest. 

"But where are we supposed to live now? Like where are we gonna call...home? I don't ever wanna leave you again." A whimper fell from your mouth and you took in his scent, drinking up every ounce of it. 

With you still held tightly in his arms, Ben pivoted to scan the atmosphere around him. You shifted your eyes in the same direction as his and saw the breathtaking view. Greenery all around caught your eye, enchanting forests and tall mountains penetrated the skyline. Groups of creatures and humans...happy souls, danced and laughed in front of you. He looked back down and gave a beaming expression. "You're not leaving me." A beat. "We're staying right here. This is home now Angel." 

"Really?" You sniffled. 

"Yes." He grasped your chin, shifting your head to his eyes. Ben placed a soft and sincere kiss upon your nose."Thank you." His stare burned holes in your pupils. 

"F-for what?" You swallowed hard and tightened your legs around his waist even more.

His soft lips met your ear, "For teaching me how to love again." 

Your breath shuddered and you felt your heart escape through your fingertips and toes. You squeezed his torso more firm than ever before and admired how the puzzle pieces of your love we're falling back into place.

"I never gave up on you. I- I love you Ben." You shook your head, blinking and swallowing hard. 

"I know." He laughed softly through his nose and you watched as a single tear of his rolled over his high cheekbones. 

Both your faces ignited with hope as he attentively ran his fingers through your hair. A deep, fulfilling kiss was placed upon your lips and you kissed back until reason escaped through your pores.

"I love you too my Angel." He smiled. The same smile that warmed every bit of you. The smile that you screamed to remember. But you didn't have to remember anymore. Ben had finally found his way back to not only you, but to your aching heart. Every cell in your body told you that this was the happily ever after that you'd always dreamt of with him. 

And it truly was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first began writing this fic I had absolutely no idea that it would receive this much support. I can't thank you guys enough for reading and for creating such a wonderful journey. I love each and everyone one of y'all and I pray that the ending was everything you hoped for. Baby boy Ben will be MISSED!!! Until next time luvs, mwah :)) 
> 
> (There was absolutely no way in HELL that I'd hurt y'all like that & end it with him being dead.)
> 
> *Other fics coming soon stay tuned!*
> 
> XOXO - Kale


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